all that jazz'

Saturday, July 31

[my perfect sky's torn]

today was pretty fun.

went to ri first thing in the morning. ri exchange. ahh it was okay. they getta sing satb, and their sops are actually quite power. dont like the toh conductor tho. hes so... gay. haha. okay err lets see. they sang five songs. they sang THE PRAYER. okay i didnt terribly like it, cause i didnt like the way they pronounced the words. but e rest were quite good. then we sang 4 songs. it was actually sposed to be just three. but they sang five, and we felt bad just singing 3. okay so alleluja turned out a bit dry. compared to their choir. on suri was okay larh. amarillas. =\ and we sang gao shan qing. that was shit man. cause ms loo wasnt conducting. so we all went at different speeds. ahha. ahhh well.

then it was time to mingle. everything started a bit stiff at first. but we hit off after awhile. err. all the choral ppl were there. leonard. patrick. zhiyong. haha. we decided to be lame. so we went up to yanheng, and said HI IM KELLY. WHATS YOUR NAME. haha. fancy saying that to someone youve known almost all ur life. then err was talking to patrick. a bit weird. cause he asked me. do you know who sau is? is she very ugly? >.< haha kay then it was jotham's bday! so we all sang him a bday song, and the guys bullied him as usual. haha. so cuuute. hes ivee's baby. alright then we went to sing sanctus together.

wahhh sanctus sucks. toh was making it so hard. so demanding. and hes so gay. even worse than kwei can! >.< I HATE SANCTUS! yes. and he was making it so hard on charmaine's part. like whenever shes late. he'll stop and go, wheres piano one? -.- pls larh. its how hard to play. the chords arent even proper chords. yikes. sanctus suckssss.

kay then when i got home. ladeedum. fell asleep. woke up at six! my gosh i overslept soo much. was sposed to meet mq at 615 at cityhall. but i was tooo late. so i just err met him at clementi. i couldnt even have dinner cause the pizza was taking too damn long to cook.
met him, took a cab down to acsi.

hmm saw merp glor yijing and xueling when i entered. a bit strange. i mean i know why merp's there. but the rest arent even band pple. ahh well. went in. sat where i could see the percussions. haha marcus is damn pro. like damn pro. and he looks damn cute when he's playing the perc. and hes walking around to diff drums all the time. damn pro. im damn impressed. moreover hes always looking at the conductor so attentively. (: didnt see zh tho. wasnt in my view.

intermission. HALF AN HOUR K. mq and i were walking around aimlessly. said hi to the zh and marcus. ahh i didnt have time to buy them flowers. ughhh screw me. nvm marcus had tian. haha. then zh came up to me, and held my wrist. and said. OmG I HAVE NO FRIENDS. >.< i was abit like. taken aback, cause i didnt see him coming. annddd his hands were cold. freaky. haha. then saw somemore pple. talk a lot of rubbish. then intermission FINALLY ended.

went upstairs with mq, and he wanted to sit at the side. coincidentally gerald was sitting there too. so yay. two friends. after awhile i realised marcus and ivan were sitting behind me. hmm nv knew they hung out together. haha. they're damn farnie. screaming all sorts of funny things. while mq just looked.. stoned. haha whoops. my fault. so fun. okay they had two encore pieces. damn good. the second piece was damn well played. ahh well. acsi band's really quite good.

after the concertt, had to wait for my mum. ahh so many pple were going for supper and i couldnt join them. 0.0 sigh. and my mum didnt bring her phone so i couldnt get her. so i waited. and i waited. at abt 1020, went in and saw zh. took a picture with him, and i think its gonna turn out super gross. then err hung around. gerald came back to wait wit me. and then he could take a lift home. haha. wheee gerald rocks. (: oh then the band pple came out. took more pictures. haha they're all cam frenzy larh. then we walked out with them, took another picture wit zh, which i think is gonna turn out gross again. haha. ahhhh couldnt go wit them. they were going to holland v. darn it. then err mum called. she thought i was at barker. BARKER CAN. -.-""" haha. err. then talked to gerald. watched pple play night soccer. haha. quite funny. ladeedum. at abt 1120, she finally came. sent him back, and then finally got home. wheeee. mm, then then. had my pizza. and talked to pple till like. almost 2. haha. and then went to bed. (:

haha yes. okay im tired.

i miss choral fest!

im all outta faith.

you get me high`
10:05 AM

Thursday, July 29

[my sweet embraceable you]

woo im george gershwin's biggest fan.
okay not really.
just found out he wrote summertime. wooo.

kay err. talking abt yesterday and the day b4 yesterday. haha.

highlight of 260704: rehearsals at vch
wheee fun.
didnt hafta go to sch, but had to be at vch at... 830. and yes, glorify me for i was late! again!
haha.
alright we had rehearsals wit err our swedish conductor. fred....something. its swedish so im nt gonna spell it out, he's just gonna be fred.
[unlike SOME PEOPLE who try to SHOW OFF their german skills on their blogs. ugh. elaborate further]
anw, fred's like damnnn super cute. not in the lookswise larh.
hes damn funnyyyyy!
and cause hes like swedish, his english's a bit..funny.
which makes everything even funnier. (:
his warmups are a bit. >.< a bit weird larh.
oh and he makes us say strange swedish things, and later go, HAHA YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID. (:
what a joy.
hes got a rather sensational voice too.
anw, rehearsals were from 830-1100.
then we had this loonnggg break. like till 2+.
so me shiao and cy went for lunch at bk. at raffles city.
yup then after lunch.
i met the GREAT MULIA [pls give me a bucket to throw up] at the traffic light.
so i was talking to him for awhile, then i thought i'd be NICE and follow him to suntec.
since he was so DESPERATE to look for sc gurls, and id just follow him.
wah laooo.
i cant stand guys like that.
guys that think they're all that.
guys that think they're DAMN SMART, but actually they're just a block of wood.
guys that think ALL the gurls are ALL OVER THEM, and they know the WHOLE DAMN WORLD.
guys that think they look OH-SO-GOOD.
AND guys who think they're TOO GOOD FOR THEIR SHOES.
quote.
"sometimes im so smart i even scare myself"
ack.
and the HIMBOS who follow quotes from movies.
guess what, THEY SPOIL THE INITIAL ORIGINAL QUOTE.
you should go check out what he said abt me on his blog k.
i mean, WHOS THE DESPERATE ONE HERE.
YOU, mister. you.
yucks.
like honestly, im degrading myself being seen wit him.
gosh. seeing him just makes me wanna roll my eyes right in his face.
oh and WHO IS HE TO DESPISE JOTUM. not as tho HES VERY TALL RIGHT.
sheesh.

anyway.
went back. wanted to mug a bit. since i was sposed to have a chem quiz on wed.
shiao and cy were there. they cant sit still!
they move like every 5 minutes dammit.
and my eyecandy was at the steps! haha. (:
then rehearsals on stage.
wheee. vch has beauuuutiful acoustics.
like absolutely.
our songs sounded so nice there. (:
haha.
my choir rocks.

then after like. half an hour.
stoning time again.
i just sat in the concert hall, listening to music, and dozing off.
cant stand it, was toooo damn tired.
haha.
stoned till abt...5.
then tech run.
a very boring one.
oh the mc guy from my choir. he had to practice his speech.
so poorthing!
the stupid mean old woman kept picking on his articulation.
blahblah.
okay fine i agree, he does muffle up his words a bit. but hELLO. you dont have ta be so mean abt it.
ahh poor boy.
everything ended at abt... 6+?
thought i lost my fone can. how worried.
in the end it was passed to yanheng. then haha very funny.
he was wondering who's fone it is. then he found his name innit.
HAHA.
so its probably mine or smthg larhh.

anyway err. went home. ladeedum. stuff like that.

highlight of 280704: syf choral festival 1
ladeedum. i didnt go to sch. it was in my last entry.
reached vch at 2.
everyone was so busy with their gowns and everything.
hmm okay. after briefing, was run thrus on stage.
everything sounded and looked good. *gleams*
yup then STONING time again. -.-
i lost my headphones.
I LOST MY HEADPHONES.
someone kill me.
im so super duper depressed. ughhhh.

kay err. 5+, encore run thru.
haha WE ALL DONT KNOW HOW SWEDISH SONG.
we were all like just. la la la la.
och jungfrum lalalaa. haha.
then dinner.
which sucked btw.
i had my mrs field mufffin.
then changed, got ready.
concert!

kk we had like the msec1 contact list.
wheee.
so funny.
i was just reading thru. and this guy was like.
ivan cheong (mr m.c from ac.)
haha. the mc guy.
hes so hilarious.
so shio and i did stupid things before we went up stage.
started talking to them.
cause i was like, IVAN!
then he turned. so i said yayyy i got ur name right.
and shio said she wanted to know all of them, so got him to intro the ac guys.
ladeedum.
cant wait for the contact list to be sent ard.

kk the performance went greattt!
everyone said it was aweesomee.
wheeee.
rock on!
good job everybodyyy. (:

then back in the room.
we took msec1 grp pic!
haha sooo fun!
cause there were SO many cams, we didnt even know where the hell to look at.
amazing thing was that when kaixuan and someone shouted,
MSEC1, TAKE PHOTO.
everyone just like came up and cooperated. even the guys.
so cool!
and shiao's daniel thong was in the pic too.
haha yay. cant wait for the contact list.
wanna know everyone there.
at least they're nt like MOOLIA.
so irritating.

anw, IVEE GAVE ME SUCHA PRETTTTEHHHH FLOWER.
whee i love her to bitsss.
you gotta see it.
its white wit pink edges.
ooooh so sweet.
(:

mm ok better get going now.
saturday's marcus' band concert.
going wit.... mq? probably.
aye. see how larh.
cant wait for next weeeekkk!
CANT WAIT!
haha.
alrighty jetttttt!

just hold on to my love and baby let me give you more.

you get me high`
5:33 AM

Tuesday, July 27

[what would it take for you to see.
to make you understand that i'll always believe]

pictures are up btw. under "cool".
the racial harmony ones. (:

mm, cha was telling me bt a cambridge winter school programme. it sounds DAMN good. only problem is that it's like.. 6000++ bucks? thats like C.R.A.Z.Y. i really wanna go, but not sure if i should. and im not sure if i should spend my mums cash like that. we getta go to oxford, bath, cambridge, london [not like theres anything there], and my cousins will all be back in uk by then, auntie bea'll be there. and basically everyone. =\ should i gooo?

another even biggest incentive is that if i go there. i'll be that much closer to him, even if i dont meet up wit him. at least we're sorta breathing the same air. and anw i do hope i'll have the chance to see him. =\ oh my. i forgot. ben's there too right? ben, being 'belinda'. haha. maybe i'll see him and kelvin.
ahh what am i gonna doooooo.

anyway im pretty sick today. die larh. ive got syf concert later on. thats why im not in sch, needa rest more. or else later when im on stage, i wont be singing. but i'll be err sneezing. =\ haha. ack. needa go see a stupid doc. and im missing my chem test. darn it. darrnnn it. then i've gotta take it alone, again! darrrnnn it. boo.

aiight i'd better go see that doc. update later. (:

you and i can make it through.
and i still know i cant get over you.

you get me high`
7:20 PM

Sunday, July 25

[im sorry cant you give me one more chance]

to make it all up to you.

ever wondered where the two lovely friends of mine who used to leave nice notes in my gb went to?
sigh.
this is to you two, yuan and der.
first up, im really sorry i was being sucha pain. im really sorry i took out my frustrations on you. and, im really sorry for being so insensitive.
ahh yuan im sorry. i know how you feel.err. a bt me. and i really didnt try to spark up anything intentionally.
i mean you know me, i dont really take things like that seriously.
and i thought you were okay with it.
guess i shouldnt assume.
i know you've always always always been there for me. and it always seem as though i took it for granted.
its the same for derek.
he nevers lets me down. you guys never let me down.
no one could ask for better friends. i guess i havent really sat down and thanked God for giving me sweethearts like yall.
it feels so empty to not have both of you to talk to online.
of course, haha, yuan's always not there cause his msn hates him.
and der'll help me pass you e msg. and stuff like that.
i know you guys are best friends.
seems like jess and i huh. on the phone like going, "oh (someone) wants me to tell you this..."
i didnt mean to hurt you. derek you'll know that best.
i miss your phonecalls, and your stupid silly pranks.
ah.
i really honestly never took you guys for granted.
you two are really really bosom friends. and it sucks to lose you.
again, im really sorry.
guess you never knew how much you mean to me.

in fact i doubt most people know how much they mean to me.
to my closer friends, it should be quite blatant.
jess, err i do hope she knows.
kate's my bez so she should know.
nick, yup should be.
i mean people like.. lets see.
309. the people who i always talk to. ah ma charlene rucha cheryl and people.
tho ive known them for like. 7 mths. i doubt they even know how much they mean to me.
ah ma and her clique. im not super close to them.
but they still mean like something to me.
ling. i hope this woman knows man. she's just not the typa people that i make it super obvious.
even the people i dont see and talk to everyday.
people like..
muffin. ah i bet he'll nv know that he means smthg to me.
even timo, means a big canonball to me.
gerald probably doesnt know it either.
my walking home partner, marcus, wont know either.
church buddies. josh mik juice ryan paul eudora suye yiling hannah etc etc.
haha even kate's friend, cynthia, means quite a lot to me.
mq, jay, nutella, rachel...
...and there're a lot a lot more.
even if they only made a small impact in my life.

maybe i've learnt to trust too much.
even some who dont deserve a bit of it.
maybe thru this i should learn to make things more blatant.
more clear cut.

i need the sea desperately.
needa hear the waves, slowly washing my frustration away.
just that i dont have time.
sighhh.

but i just know that, for now, yuan der, im sorry.
and i love you guys very very much.

im only leaving you cause you mean too much to me.

you get me high`
2:03 AM

Saturday, July 24

[forever im on your side, whatever you do]

wheee.
yesterday wasnt too bad afterall.

mm, got to leave class early cause of choral excellence camp.
so sad. i'll miss the china guests.
bingxin gave me some bookmarks b4 i left class. so sweet right. i didnt really talk to her much.
oh and i got congwen's contacts. she's charlene's girl.
haha she's damnnnn cute eh.

anyway we left when media course started.
hongyi and i went to change. omg the shirt is so ugllyyy. -.-
ack.
so yuckkyy.
and anyway siying was super frustrated cause e sec twos went out for lunch when they werent sposed to.

choral.
ahhhh nelson kwei is SO. DARN. GAY.
yucks.
he's so sissified loh.
then the songs he chose for us also like shit liddat.
but actually i think he's the most creative larh. i mean the other conductresses like err. jennifer tham?
she chose the normal cliche gospel songs. a bit dull.
oh and all boys' choir was super gay too.
msec3's gershwin medly was damn nice. i didnt know our sec one broadway songs were part of it.
ladeedum.

mm after choral, mum fetched me home.
prep to go for ac's chamber choir git concert.
wu lei called to say she was gonna be late.
and mymy was she REALLY late.
haha i was damn worried she was lost or smthg, cause she doesnt have a phone.
ahh well.

my gosh the concert was soooo boring.
the choir was soooo gay.
e git was soooo boring.
only the chamber was good.
which reminds me, i forgot to ask what pieces they played.
ahh well.
saw some people i wasnt expecting to see.
i thought it'd just be marcus and his tian. haha.
mm, saw nigel, who was on duty. and who helped me finish my ice lemon tea.
haha, joker.
then i saw colin ho, who's in the choir.
man i rmb in p4, lenard him and i were pretty good friends... well sorta.
cause lenard was always wit him.
hes in choral too! just that i dont know which choir.
maybe we'll perform on the same day. (:
oh then i saw benjamin. err.
dont know man.
crap hes TALL.
like very tall. [might as well put jess and chris together.]
i walked past him, then he msged me. asked if he saw me cause i thought he did.
a bit.. weird right.
i mean of course i saw him since hes like a tree, but its not like we're very close or chummy or anything.
weird people. anw i went over to say hi. haha.
oooh then i met gerald to pass him the money.
ladeedum.

after the concert, i bid wu lei farewell.
haha my mum was sposed to come fetch meeeeee!
but she ditched me in the end.
then wu lei left le, so i couldnt follow her home.
ended up going home wit marcus and gerald.
wah lao marcus made a clown outta me, wanted me to help him wit some stuff.
bloooooooody.
okay fine but he made it up cause he bought me sprite float for errr. supper. haha.
wah both of them hit off so well. made me feel how extra. haha.

anw after that we made our way home, gerald left first. then marcus walked me back.
and being me i didnt wanna go home, so we sat at the swings for like 15 minutes.
OOOOH i found out that when we were younger, we always played at the same playground, just that we nv knew each other.
haha how cute! (:
then anyway we walked to my place, then he went home.

somehow e feeling was different from the last.
but i like it better now.
haha.

today!
piano earrrrly in the morning.
i was like a zombie playing e piano.
no feelings. in fact my eyes were barely open.

after lesson, went home, changed, went to the istana.
so strange.
the security there is SUPER tight.
i dont see why nathan needs so much land.
he can only be at like one sq/m a time?
rather stupid.
ladeedum.
anyway there were TONS AND TONS of reporters there. photographers too.
very weird. everywhere we went it was like snapsnapsnap.
oh err i was at my bro's psc scholarship thingamajig larh.
then all the president scholars.
wow i was so tired, i fell asleep when the chair was giving his speech.
whoops.
haha and the cameras were going around.
i hate to be on camera.
and i hope theyy didnt catch me.

haha anyway we had a tea ceremony after that.
its kinda weird, cause there were chandelions everywhere,
everything was so...formal.
soo unlike me.
then see i was fREEZING after having drank two glasses of orange punchy thingys.
so if i were to drink anymore, i'd be a walking cube of ice.
so i drank tea.
and it was strange cause i had to learn how to drink it like a proper young lady. -.-
with the cup and the plate and the spoon,
bah.
and moreover the stupid minister of defence was there, must act more proper mah.
or else it'd reflect badly on my bro.
soooo weird.

thenthen after that [which was a veryyy long time],
went to some place in paya lebar with my mum to shop for furniture.
haha was on the fone wit jess like 7/8 of the time.
and i was SO. TIRED.
then b4 i went home, had to go get some stuff for my aunt.
boring stuff.
and here i am, with eyes barely opened.
gonna sleep in just a sec.

oh i shall write a note to mik first. then i can pass it to him tmr.
haha.

i feel like ive known you
for a hundred million years

you get me high`
6:12 AM

Wednesday, July 21

[why cant things be just so perfect]

mm, racial harmony today.
went out, then on my way home, was on the fone with jess for a very lonnggg time.
talking abt... stuff.

you know its strange. how one can love another so damn much, but he/she doesnt even know it?
he's so damn far away. even further than. err. chris.
im pretty sure we'd do anything for them. i mean, almost anything.

and its not as though being with us would be torture.
in fact we'll be happy.
we all will be happy.
the world will be round again. there'll be GENUINE smiles on our faces.
and it'd be the same for them.
we'll be good, im sure we will. (: and everything will just be. so. perfect.

i dont think i'll ever get over him eh.
jess too. haha.
like even one fine day when im happily married.
when i see him, i'll still get butterflies in my tummy. my heart would still beat faster than usual.
really, hes almost close to perfect.

God cares if he's my height, or even shorter. or just a lil taller.
hes everything i want. and everything im looking for.
he's sweet, rugged, tough, sensitive but not overly sensitive, funny, GORGEOUS, kindhearted, generous.
and i mean, everything.

and i wont cry. i'll just close my eyes and know.
you'll be there.

sigh. why is this world so unfair.
what did she do to deserve his love and care for her.
what did. err. you ai di doo to deserve chris. [this is for jess]
dont genuine feelings pay off anymore?

i wonder...i really do.

whenever i miss you so bad,
its more than i can take.

you get me high`
9:06 AM

Monday, July 19

[just my piano and i]

err. theres something odd about blogger nowadays. the place where u post your posts look....funny. haha. right okay.

i was just reading my last entry, and the way i wrote was appalling. -.- righto. thats what shakespeare does to you, does he. haha julian was saying something funny abt shakespeare. cant rmb. ahh well.

hmm school wasnt too bad today. photo-taking. ack. i actually stood next to charlene! haha, its interesting considering the height difference. chuckles. jungy was like evidently right in the middle. like a head taller than everyone else. pretty funny. wonder how this one'll turn up. but anw class photos are always the most unnatural things in the world.

mm, before recess it was pe and physics. stupid me, i forgot to bring my pe attire. then dammit larh. i wanted to play bball so badly, but that stupid uncle chee didnt let me. boohoohoo. even james ong allowed loh. there goes yet another week of my bball. ahhhh. bball rocks.
physics prac. some strange acceleration thing i guess. a bit >.<>

recess. then phototaking. then errrr. chem, that only lasted for 10 minutes? and goh allowed us to eat in class. HAHA. you should have seen the look on ling's face man. pure delight. err then math. ahh boring as usual. but i actually did my work and i understood it. haha.

RS now. yeo pei li's not around, so im just slackin'. im allowed to, arent i? after sch's gonna be judging for sec ones, and maybe practise for speech day? dammit im tired. someone give me a break. i still have tuition at night. grumbles.

oh did i mention what a horrible day i had yesterday. really. horrible. okay the day started with that STUPID BORING MEDIA shit course that we basically werent paying attention to. and the guy looked like william hung. -.- and like then we had to form groups. got a bit annoyed cause of some reasons that shall not be published. -.-

then sch. lala. then piano. my mum picked me up in some frekkin' bad mood. cause i had to go for pe. like wtf larh. whats ur problem. then she like scolded cum picked on cum lectured me the whole damn day. since saturday can. some people just dont have anything better to do.

then i found out that THE SCANDALOUS PAIR BROKE UP. like wtf does he think hes doing man. blooody helll. one minute this, one minute that. mik says its cause what. they wanna take things SLOWLY. doesnt wanna end up like kate and him. like realllyyy. is hooking up in three days, and breaking up in a week called taking it slooowwllyy? give me a break man.

ugh.

been msging josh quite a bit. haha its quite funny how this person you used to hate with all your guts cause he pisses the hell outta you, transforms into someone so nice. haha. and well. err. sensible? sorta. and the more you talk to him, the more you realise he actually isnt sucha pain anymore. haha... people change, dont they.

ahh i wanna find the rockapella album. i confirmed that "always you" really does exist. laaaa.

oh gosh all the sec twos are crawling everywhere, i think im jetting.

bbbbb.

you always you

you get me high`
11:05 PM

Sunday, July 18

[you look like a fool to me]

man. help me someone.
im drifting away to the realms of shakespeare.
im cursing and cussing with thee and thy and thou.
oh gosh. macbeth is a horror.
but i must admit that it is pretty interesting.

lets go backwards this time.
dance today was pretty good. other than the fact that people were ABSOLUTELY unfriendly, and that sucked.
jess and i were super elated when we saw gary, haha. how long hasnt he turned up for dance.
confinement huh.
however so many people got on my nerves. from church to dance to even people at home. fine, one person at home.
church was a horror.
disgust overwhelmed me when i caught sight of that despicable pair.
the friendship i had with him is all gone.
all right down that damn drain.
die damn you, die.
for you cheated on my bosom friend and you shall not get away wit it.

at dance, the great people who upgraded themselves,
not only held a terrible attitude to those who should be their 'seniors'. in my terms at least.
but hurled together gossiping their lives away.
sounds suspiciously like one in that scandalous pair huh.
oh screw them all.
think u're so good huh.
if you really wanna battle, saddle up and get your rhythmn, trying ta hit it, in a minute im going to take you on.
thank goodness the choreography wasnt too bad.
and pat lent me kneepads, or my knee would have died a terrible death.
i gotta go get kneepads soon, or its byebye knees, and byebye dancing.
jess we gotta go get them! its so much easier to slide around with pads. yes?

aiight. saturday.
what happened on saturday. oh right.
stoned around the whole day at home. with a crazy woman screaming with every two steps i took.
i played the piano for three whole damn hours. just to appease her, but still, all was in vain.
bought roses from a grumpy old woman.
with reasons that were so unbearable,
you just wanna kick her, wreck her flowers, and get going.
okay im getting violent.
she said her flowers were very nice!
nice my head uh. i think even my head's nicer. -.-
darn her.

met mq at orchard mrt. mum drove me there.
oh how glorious.
and we didnt have anything to do, so we went down to nygh early.
HE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO AND HE NV TOLD ME.
im so insulted. darn it.

anyway. the concert. was pretty okay.
other than the rockband....that was just.... earsore.
cynthia and stephanie were there! =\ and we were having a VERY GOOOD TIME dissing that woman.
okay so im mean.
stab me.
talked to cyn after the concert.
after being pissed off at that stupid human being in my family who restricted me from supper wit mq, and then five minutes later calling back saying i can go.
bloody hell.

ahhhh im so tired.
and sleep i need so bad.
im gonna finish up macbeth and hit the pillows.
jjettt.

i know this corner of the earth smiles at me

you get me high`
3:23 AM

Wednesday, July 14

omg. just got back from math test. why am i so carelesssss!
the sums werent the hardest things ive done, BUT IM SO DAMN BLOODY CARELESS.
maybe its cause im super tired.
i should sleep more.

well on the brighter side, MATH IS OVER! (:
and im still tired. bio in awhile.
exchange later! (:
but might hafta go meet someone for lunch first. then rush back for choir.
anw ive got mc, sooo yeah. lala.

alrighty. jet.

truly madly deeply

you get me high`
10:39 PM

[i've got a cut on my finger and it hurts like hell.
helppp meeee]

haha, omg.
that was like some song this strange band, SWIMSHADYS, sang during swims today. get this, its SWIMshadyS. i mean. wtf is that. jess and i were like so annoyed. cause the damn band couldnt play properly, and the guy's voice was -.- we were practically screaming the CHEEZY lyrics out, and ended up laughing hysterically. there was one that was like... WISHHFUL THINKIINGGG(X3) WAS WHAT SHE SAID TO ME. whoa was it irritating. and in case nobody realised, the drummer kept missing a beat. quite annoying. where's good music when u need 'em.

alrighty lets see.
after sch, ruch and i took the bus down to the complex. oh wit val marie and michelle all sitting behind us going crazy. lala. got there. wah how super hot. then we had to cheer. wah how annoying. ooh then 100 free. b div. nick swam. wahhh he got fourth. like so strange. nick tan getting fourth. anyway i figured he'll be how upset. and he was. haha.

went down to toa payoh central to meet jess. haha. to bring her to the swims to see eyecandy! but there were more yesterday. (:
oh did i mention how hot i thought jwong looked yesterday. haha hot bodd man. but he looked a bit strange today. >.< ah well.
oh willis rmbs me! woW. haha. oh and i saw zhenghao.
OMG. what happened to him. his hair's in a mess, his specs are plastic [as usual], and like whitish. omg he looked like crap. ok sorry for all the zh fans out there. when he waved, i was like. ERRR. do i know him, then looked at him for awhile, HES CHAN ZHENG hAO. omg. haha.

okay so jess was bored to wits. IM SORRY! but at least we had gooood laughs right? and we saw strange pple like the tall tall papaya bag guy that we see all the time. fine kenneth wee i mean.

oooh okay relays!
after the dreadful music of course.
wahhh lao. ac kept beating raffles!
oh and nick was sooooo fast! he was like the fastest of all four. but they still lost to ac. WAH LAO EH. -.-
haha oooh i must say, nick looked how hot today.
even jess thinks so.
maybe cause hes been swimming a lot, he's gotten a lot broader, and err. tanner. and his hair is a lot browner.
and guys wit brown hair usually look good. (:
and he looks a WEE BIT more matured. haha.
so after his race, went to find him, CONGRATULATED HIM, and said byeee.
wow wee, im nicholas tan's biggest fan.
laughs.
ling, someone not gay le larh.
anyways, im not terribly in the mood to blog.
plus the fact that ive got a math test tmr.
freaky.
yup ciaoz.

how can i not love you...

you get me high`
8:28 AM

Tuesday, July 13

[my happy ending]

right. really. is it a happy ending. mmm.

okay swim finals today.
man, i saw like how many pple. though mostly those i didnt like. haha lets see who i saw and havent seen for a veryyy long time. those i cann mention at least.
chengwei
andrew ong
willis
jwong
nick [yes i havent seen him for ages.]
stef
chan
amos
glenn
russell
jen
okay i cant rmb who else. saw like at least a dozen more pple.
okay elaborate.
omg. willis. WILLIS. he's a tchs swimmer! -.-""" haha. so funny. seeing him in like the tchs uniform shirt, and err without shorts, just trunks. haha. obscene. in p4, we used to write notes to each other, tho we were in like diff classes. and during recess, we'll drop by each other's classrooms and drop the note in our pencilbox. so cute i tell you. haha. i used to realllly like him. he still looks the same man. (:

mm nicholas tan arh.
stupid larh. he dao me. HE DAO ME. okay fine, i know he was upset cause of his swim. but -.-""" stupid. i was how super upset. =
ahh. its so strange how the person who brightened my day, is the one who usually ruins it. sigh. haha was sitting near glenn. then he didnt say hi. as usual. so i thought i'd be irritating and msg him. its quite interesting to see pple react to your msgs. haha. at least he was smiling. (: and i smacked him on his head. YEAH! haha. okay im a sadist.

ohoh. the only guy i hate wit all my life was there too! and hes turned frm, hey everyone, look at me, im soooo cute. to, hey everyone, look at me, im cute but i look like a beggar, GIVVE ME MONEEYYY. haha. omg. he looked SO bad. and whats wit the SQUARE BLACK SPECX. ACK! haha.

anyway it was raining raining, it was quite annoying. =\

then lala. talked to quite a few pple. then aiyah.
okay i have like no mood to blog. for some reason.

oh b4 i leave.
im gonna have shoutouts. (:
muffin HELLO! haha. thank you SOOOO muuch for being one of the sweetest pies nowadays. haha. all these bad times im going thru, u're always there! from last year, to this year, and hopefully for the rest of my life. (: huggsss.
der/yuan haha hey you two. thanks for all the silly notes on my gb. flooding eh. haha. but all the encouragements you guys have given me. whoa its like amazing to have friends like you two. (: at least i know there's always someone i can count on. no not someone, two pple! haha. youre the bestttt.
timo haha hes not gonna read this. but he's been super nice these days, and always praying for me, being my support. tho i know JESUS is always the best [haha], he still rawksss. (:

ah okay.
i miss him.
but im not sposed to.
so im not gonna.
direct your attention to someone else kelly.
bb.

you made me feel alive
but i dont rmb what its like anymore.

you get me high`
7:53 AM

Sunday, July 11

[without you]

yeah! im so pleased wit myself.
did the layout all by myself.
okay well, almost.

cause there were some mistakes i made wit the html, and i couldnt figure it out. so i had to ask my bro for help.
nevertheless, yay!

anywayanyway.
dance today was >.<
venessa, vinesaa, fine, the jazz teacher came for class too.
lala everything was all good till pat made it a partner dance.
-.-
me.
and peter.
omg i could just die.
hes like not just gay and gurly you know.
he's like... sissified!
and pat made the person behind hug the person in front.
means i had to hug him. like. HELLO PAT LOO WHATS UR PROBLEM.
where's justis when u need him.

sigh.
its mas' last day today.
SO SAD!
she wants ta go study at laselle.
hope she comes for class.
anyway, she treated jess and i to class loh.
like wth. u're not sposed to do that!
and cause i dont haf a number, i cant return her the money.
shall go ask the new counter lady.
-.-

anyway im like stuck in this dilemma.
never thought i would be.
okay the situation is that i wanna go for the dance scholarship.
besides the fact that im not sure if i can get in,
though i did manage to the first time with araya,
my schedule is how super tight.
even my mum seems okay wit it now.
but end of this year i wanna go taiwan.
with nikki and gang if they're going.
and the scholarship only allows 7 days of leave.
not enough huh.
plus next year's syf year.
okay i know most weekday classes are at night.
but what abt my hw!
and all!
fourteen hours a week is super xiong.
plus the fact that scholarship class is err. sunday morning?
which means no yz.
i mean i can go to other churches, but for a whole year?
dammit.
and im in worship, so im err. whats it called?
sub-comm or smthg.
ive got the responsibility to go.
omg what am i gonna doooo.
i cant not go for the scholarships cause its what ive wanted since it started.
and if i dont do it next year, or at least from this aug/sept to next year's,
i'll nv get to.
i mean in jc i'd be quite busy im sure.
i should go pray abt it.
sigh.
jess you better go for the auditions too.
whether you think u can get in or not.
ahh howhowhowhow. stressed. >.<

oh. i think street jazz is funky.
i wanna go again next week.
but mum says ive gotta "earn" for it.
-.-
its so.. funky. vigorous, but yet smooth.
so odd.
but ahh rob. =
nervous breakdown.
ive gotta like choreo the damn racial har thing.
and the thing is that cha's cd burner's not working.
so i cant use that hindi song.
AND AHH WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOO. =this is so gonna suck.
better not volunteer myself to do things i dont think i can do.
for eg to do a MULTI RACIAL DANCE. -.- ack.
worst thing is that the proposal thingy's due tmr.
and auditions are gonna be on wednesday.
bahh.
and i cant practise on tuesday cause its SWIM FINALSSSS!
yes! finally!
haha i getta see that stupid super busy no social life nicholas tan xue wei.
lala.
HE OWES ME A BDAY PRES. fine i do too.
HE'D BETTER RMB TO bRING IT!

ahh been talking to timo lately.
ling maybe you were right. >.<
he says stuff like... oh. tho we lost contact for awhile, im just glad to have you back by my side.
i mean its sweet and all, but no one really talks like that.
ok he'd better not read this.
jetting.
bb!

me and my baby, we're so tight.

you get me high`
6:07 AM

Saturday, July 10

[~~and i cant get by a day without you~~]

i feel accomplished.

mmhmm.

and streetjazz is how sassy. (:
fun stuff.

but i miss rob.

you get me high`
9:21 AM

Wednesday, July 7

[heaven is a place nearby]

well well.
did quite a bit of thinking the past few days.
really not sure if i wanna pass him the letter.
i can just imagine.
him sitting around with my letter.
~~feeling guilty~~, no, laughing.
then calling melvin up, saying,
hey you know kelzo just sent me a letter! telling me how much i mean to her!

man. that would be tragic.
of course i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt,
and assume he has a heart.
but being HIM, i doubt it. he works in diff. ways.

watched spiderman.
its quite good larh.
dammit larh. i made the same mistake.
~~no one makes the same mistakes twice.~~
~~no one.~~
and i feel so darn guilty.
i didnt cheat on anyone but myself.
i led him on,
cheated myself of my feelings.
i know i still have feelings for him.
but i was angry. i was annoyed.
and i took it out on someone else.
like jess says. one night stand.
i know its wrong, but i do it for that moment's pleasure and err. achievement.
i did it to get back at him.
but it isnt as though he knows it.
im stupid.
im stupid.
im stupid.

ugh.

unforgiveable sinner.

you get me high`
7:51 AM

Sunday, July 4

[and im so lonely i dont even wanna be with myself anymore]

bahh.
gloomy as usual.
i really should think so much.

i thought of doing something last night.
i wanna write an annoynomous note to him, but make it evident its me.
and i'll tell him everything. from how i miss the him during the hols, to whatever.
besides, right now, theres no friendship to jeopardize right?
then i'll just pray he doesnt show it around.
i mean even if he does, his friends wont know who i am cause things that happened between both him and i, didnt exactly concern anyone.
except john.
but this morning when i woke up, it seemed wrong to do it.
again.

bahh.
should i or should i not.
suggestions?

man i really gotta get going.
yup spanish.

its up to you if you give it up.

you get me high`
6:54 PM

[i just wanna be where You are]

boohoohoo. service's over. worship pracs are over. boohoohoo.

worship pracs for youth sunday were super stressful. with nat as the drummer cum co-ordinator, and yeelin as the worship leader. [>.<] and how im always late, and have to see their "lian-se". but mik was on the bass, wilson on the git, and JOSH on the flute. wooo all the childhood friends. we all have a talent man! (:

yesterday's prac was super fun. the backup singers dropped by too. jay and evan. my gosh! jay sounds so darn much like groban, its hard to believe! hes got a natural vibrato. like, really. and he's got super heart-wrenching recordings of him singing groban in his phone. like 'you raise me upppppp, so i can stand on mountainsss..' haha. super farnie. oh and haha, we were singing 'this kingdom', and jay kept singing a third higher. wah. unintentional harmony. wooo.

and josh! he can play flight of a/the bumble bee on the flute! and since he's joshua mok, it was like. instead of maksim the piano player, its moksim the flotist! haha. we had sucha good laugh. aiyah. then YEELIN held jay up cause she needed co-ordination for the voices. wah i tell you, she can nv catch her cue larh. damn -.-and when she sings, she sounds as tho she's screeeching. in a mourning sorta way. haha.

okay then after jay was FINALLY done. we went opposite to have dinner. shite it was pretty late. haha i told jay. eh, you have 15 bucks, ive got one dollar, your treat larh yes? haha and he said okay what do you want! haha. crazy fella. i had 15 bucks too larh. then he was gonna sponsor mik too. haha. generous generous. anyway he paid, and i paid him back. and he was like huh? i thought u didnt have cash. haha. anyway he paid for the drinks. hhaha. mik was saying, jay lives off mik, i live off jay, so mik should live off me. yaayaa. haha. i always get free drinks from mik anyway! (: oh, and meanwhile, josh was struggling wit his very big plate of rice.....with a lot of chilli. super farnie. then we were talking rubbish larh. haha. its damn fun to be wit these pple you practically grew up wit. and these nv ending friendships!

the guys really grew up a lot. when kate and i were younger, druce, josh and mik were like the most ignorant immature brats that ever existed. then slowly jay came. ryan came. and all of a sudden, b4 you realise it. they're all grown up, and a lot more matured. haha shit, i love these friends of mine. and the older we grow, the more tight-knitted we get. for eg yz camp, that was THE experience man. elliot's game. the one that got everyone teary. the one where me, juice, kate, mik, josh, paul, ryan, all hurdled up. wooo. feels good.. feels good to me. okay sorry, joss stone song.

mm. blahblah.
today!

service. okay fine. i was late again can. was sposed to be there at 730, but i got up at 720. sorry larh! you know how early it is or not! sunday morning. crap.
anyway i got there. somehow most of them were in white. -.- dammit. haha nv tell me earlier.
oh i must mention that jason was in this white shirt, and black pants. mik and i were singing, "hei bai pei! nan shen nu shen, pei!" haha. he looked as tho he just killed someone, just that he didnt have blood on his shirt. lance and i were laughinnggg like crazy.

okay when service finally came. lance was the other pianist mah. he played the hymns. wahhhh. so darn nervous. both of us were like, trembling. wheee but i gotta play on a baby grand. the sound's damn nice loh. i thought lance was sposed to go first! turns out, i had to. so he sat at the piano wit me. super farnie. and i had to push the seat out a lil more, so josh could sit, and play the notes i wrote out for him. wah im the best, i wrote one part wrongly. -.- hahha. luckily it was only the last part.

so there i was, playing, wit lance on my left, and josh on my right. haha. damn farnie. and uncle alex was taking vids. haha. then we talked a lot larh, but we didnt realise there was a mike there! -.-"" wah stressful, we were damn distracting. we got shushed by xian. then wooo. i was finally done! haha. then lance had to play a hymn. then message.

uncle kian seng's quite humourous. his msg was quite good larh. then there were skits by the yzers. haha. i thought they were funny, but quite a bit outta point huh. mm. then after msg, lance played again. then holy communion. then i had to play. WAH DAMMIT. the song was HOW HARD. and i was stumbling like CRAZY. not enough practice larh. haha cause that was the only piece wit note, the rest were chords, easier. haha. okay. so horrible. then lance didnt haveta play his last piece! -.-

haha yesyes this is the funny part! we were sposed to play the threefold amen. but we've nv played it b4! so lance played the left hand, i played the right hand. we didnt know we were sposed to play one chord first. so everything was damn screwed up! moreover our counting a bit off, then the chords came out like. not at the same time. sent the whole congregation in laughing fits. and my brother was laughing his head off. picture this. MY brother, chan yong wei, laughing his head off. sucha wrong sight! haha. thankfully they all took it with a pincha salt, and we didnt get scolded. (:

so second service. after i played my part, lance played his. during msg, we both skipped down to some other room to practise. haha. then we took the hymnal, anyhow flipped to one page. then we practised our "you play left hand, i play right hand" skills. haha. super fun!! then we scooted back to the sanctuary. whee. then my hardhard song wasnt too bad! neither was lance's. haha. and our threefold amen wasnt too bad either! (: gleams*

okok then rushed for dance. lionel was there. -.- haha and gary! confined for 7 weeks. nyahahaa. anw, the dance was quite.. okay larh. quite cool. other than the fact that we didnt have kneepads and we had to keep banging our knee. boohoohoo.
some funk one-rs decided to like upgrade themselves to funk two. fine im fine wit that. but they havent been to funk one for a very long time. bah.

after a super tiring+painful lesson, jUliAN [pronounced in this french way], haha. jess lionel and i went to bk for lunch. julian was gonna treat! haha. but nah larh. so one kind. we paid him back. i dont kno what happened to lionel. hes so.... jovial now. but i believe its cause hes no one else to be friendly too. -,- sounds like SHAUN CHOOK right. bah.

then anw headed home, and here i am! (:
ok im gonna go cycle.

jeT!
boomboom, boy you look so sexy.

you get me high`
2:56 AM

Friday, July 2

I need you like water. like breath. like rain.

i cant believe im thinking of you again.
how long has it been? since the first thurs of the hols.
i actually forgot abt you.
i really managed to.
you're a true bastard.

and what happens.
i reminisce. the great ol' days on the fone with you.
i enjoyed every split second of it.
really, every split second.
you were my only inspiration in life.
everything else seemed dull.
only the hours i spent talking to you were colourful.

i really loved you... didnt i.

but now everything's different.
im nothing to you.
you were nothing to me.
still i regained my stupidity and looked thru my conversation wit you.
most were beautiful.
sweet.
unforgetable.
some were ugly.
hurtful.
but still unforgettable.

remember how you used to say how something's so hurtful?
well you are.
you're the reason why i dont dare to love.
you're the reason why i cant move on. and i dont want to.
you're the reason why my life's in a mess.
you're the reason why i cry every night.
but shit, i still miss you.
i go crazy thinking of you.

thought deleting you off my list would help me heal.
guess not huh.
i think of you during my happiest moments.
i think of you when im feeling the lowest.
why do i let you have so much power over me.

its a love-hate thing innit.
im sorry but much that i say i hate you, deep deep down, you're always there.
i know jess'll kill me when she sees this.
i was sposed to forget you.
the only thing that matters is you.
you and you alone.

i feel so hurt just thinking of you.
and whatever you've done.
you wont read this.
but i just wanna tell you.

you'll always be in my heart.
forever.
even if the sun stops shining,
and the rain stops falling.

glenn, you still mean the world to me.

you get me high`
9:22 AM

[celebrating the fantasy come true]

man its been sucha depressing day. i realise i dont work the same way as others do. hmm.

sec four farewell today.
my timing a bit screwed up eh. haha. before choir, i saw ivee. my veeeeee. ahhh. =\ and i started tearing. i saw limmy and velda, and i started tearing too.

but like during the sposedly touching ppt presentation, i didnt cry when most pple did. i didnt even cry when we were singing our farewell song.

sigh. this buncha sec fours are so close to me. vel, limmy, vee. like, my three closest seniors. i rmb when i was in sec one, and the sec fours were leaving. i didnt even dare to go for the farewell, cause i know i'll just die crying there. stace, vania. ah vania! first vania leaves, then velda leaves! and both are like how close to me. where was i. stace, vania, sarah! huilin! sam. everyone! and last year was basically just sara ho. ooh my fav. haha. crap.

choir's sucha tight knitted cca, farewell's are the most dreaded things. esp when bonks and amanda's gonna leave! the two goofballs of choirrr! my gosh. and we'll have ta be the seniors? thats WRONG! wrongwrongwrong. oh man.

i cant even rmb what i did yesterday. or the day b4.

anyway i think im gonna cut fringe. feel like it. =\ see how. i'll ask my hairdresser. but everybody doesnt think i should. but i wanna! its so cute and it makes u look younger. (: ahhhh see how larrrhhhhhh. make appt tmr.

hmm, maybe God made the decision for me. maybe jess helped me. maybe just that fact that insulting nick is the worst thing anyone can do. but im so glad it happened anyway. at least it proved that jesso, someone who knows me so well, was right! and ive gotta always trust her, and not my silly silly judgements. lala. and twotiming's OUT, ling, you hear me? haha. and dont give up on him!

oh yeah. lyrix from the beautiful farewell song.
Our Farewell- Within Temptations

In my hands
A legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much
My child sees sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

Never thought
This day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not at my side
But there's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much
My child sees sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this is not our farewell.
This is not our farewell.

okok. im feeling super pessimistic as usual.
i think i'll just go sit in my room and drown in my paranoia. bye guys. hope u'll see me tmr.

i'm leaving today.
i'm living it, leaving it
to change.

you get me high`
7:38 AM