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love,
kelly.
[maybe youve given up all hope
but pls remember
you still have me]
other than that being a quote, its what i wanna say to someone. hopefully u know who you are. and WAKE UP. i'll always be there to interrogate you. (: laughs.
that was what der said to me btw. haha made my day. (: i realise pple make my day very easily. yup. haha.
im sick. the flu bug. and everytime i have a flu, my eyes get inflamed. sighh. sucks. on mc for two days. not that i was plannin' to go to sch on tues, but i wanted to go today. two blocks of lit. like, how cool is that. poof.
i think im really drained. like physically and emotionally. so much so that i dont seem to talk. esp when im with my mum. she keeps talking. ranting. and im expected to be there to listen. she just. keeps talking. she should really just. stop talking. really, all the talking. its driving me crazy. cant pple just not say anything. i agree, maybe ronald mcdonald's good huh.
oh God i think im going crazy.
im expected to absorb. so so much. they say they're gonna go crazy. i think i'll be the first. thats why i need you so badly. or just... someone.
back to ny tmr.
sucha... unfamiliar sight. seeing familiar pple.
its damn wrong larh. i want the old ny back. the one with the giant steps.
and that pond. in which i dont know if fishes ever existed.
maybe i shouldve been more observant.
mr ting. he wont even remember us.
i remember very clearly. him tellling us this.
"I never forget my students. So please come back and visit, it'd be greatly appreciated."
and.
"My students always come back and tell me 'i still have your testtubes', and i'll be very happy."
and what is this now. huh. ting huat seng.
u just decide to lose your memory. just, suddenly.
and surely, you forgot us. 6L'01. one of the best classes.
laughs. to us, that is.
ohh and guess what. im pretty sure we all do still have your testtube.
even jess still has it.
do u still give it out? or have you forgotten that you used to do that.
sigh.
mrs goh rocks. she rocks everyone's socks, im telling you.
she used to scrutinised me cause my math was like BLEAGH.
and in the end, i still got an a1.
im glad i didnt let her down. i really am.
and she's the one who came up with 'jackson'.
now someone has a new name, all thanks to her. (:
remember our great great sitting arrangement.
really i cant rmb everyone. but mostly comprising of-
me, ling, zh, yingxin, cherylc, jeremy, jackson, koofoo(right?), and i think jialin.
those were the bestbest days. like ever.
i used to take zh's liquid paper. he was sitting in front of me.
as in, i was facing him. haha. what torture huh.
im kidding. (: he rocks.
yeah and i'll take his liquid paper, and doodle all over my file.
and he'll be like, "EH MY LIQUID PAPER FREE IZZIT."
but in the end, he'll still say its nice. (:
ohh ohh and the forever dirty drawings that i nv got.
ling and zh will be laughing their heads off
when i try to figure. what so sick abt the drawing! -.- haha.
we rockkk k.
man. i hope i dont see pple like ernie&bert.
ahh and i still haveta like. stand that stupid woman.
who'd most probably be hanging around with us.
poof.
and dont tell me to sit instead of stand. -.- haha.
happy bday marcus. ((((:
been a greaattt friend of mine. known him for like. err. how long le. haha.
its damn cool. ny brings us together.
we went cycling like the night b4 vday.
with low.
and cycled till like. 2am? haha.
it was slickk. (:
anyway best wishes to you.
oh i'd like to say. that ivan writes nice songs.
i think his last song's cool. haha.
k bed time.
hope i dont screw anything up tmr. (: nightnight.
why wont the tears just fall
from today. i can conclude two things about myself.
1) im terribly useless.
2) im terribly insignificant.
yup. sigh. sch tmr. it sucks. it really does.
come back from wherever you are, wont you.
even if it's troublesome. im sorry.
but i dont know what to do without you.
im already sucha screw up.
pat thinks the two oh-so-irritating girls are better than me.
i cant even cheer a friend up properly.
see im useless.
my presence is almost invisible to most.
thanks yuan for being so nice to me always.
youre really a star in my life.
sigh.
happy friendship day everyone.
and guys' bad hair day. laughs.
cause im broken, lost, and shattered without you.
[lost in your life]
sighh. i feel damn gloomy.
as usual i guess.
yesterday, k. err. sch.
what happened. i cant even rmb. cause half the time i was drifting off to dreamland.
i was absolutely BEAT. i didnt do pe, and i fell asleep can.
at the bball courts. hahhaha.
then bio too.
crazy.
after sch. went to far east to have chicken rice wit ling.
mm then err. went shopping for her friend's gift.
ended up buying a wallet for herself.
haha that looked HER.
yup.
then err. her mum fetched us to alexandra hospital.
for me to get my blood test.
sheesh freaky.
ling's a block of wood.
no feelings.
HOW CAN U NOT BE SCARED OF NEEDLES. crazy ah.
k then after that we walked around queensway shopping centre.
saw gareth.
haha. i think hes like still cute.
ive always found him cute. so does jess.
hes like. always cute. haha.
(: it was a bit weird seeing him at sucha ulu place tho.
then went back for checkup, blahblah.
thanks ling for coming wit me. (:
i feel accomplished. i had so much sleep yesterday.
slept from 6-12. i was supposed to get up at 7 to prac my violin.
but my mum couldnt bear to wake me up. like wth right.
then i jumped outta the bed at 12. wondering what damn day it was.
like, i thought it was thursday night.
and i dreamt my whole friday out. hahaha.
morbid.
anw had violin in the morn.
almost got scolded. cause i didnt getta prac. poof.
oh then my e string snapped like right in my face.
i was like traumatised.
and it landed up on my head. hahaha. so weird.
i think i screamed. haha -.- cause i was happily tuning. then suddenly *SNAP*
poof.
then waited for ages for my mum to come.
took a bus from clementi. met jess. then went to have lunch.
haha we had horfun at this really ulu place, like off town.
but its sooooo goood.
i always have it after sch when mum comes pick me.
ooohh yummy.
but the weather was pretty warm. u should have seen jess. haha.
anw we went to traders' hotel after that.
apparently jess said the korean guy i used to like is like DAMN HOT now.
his name's liu shi yuan btw.
haha yuan. haha.
but its pronounced differently. apparently.
then we went there. we saw some sporean guy, huang yida i think.
it was so funny, and after like HOW LONG of waiting.
the guy told us. OHH the korean guy izzit? hes at shangri-la!
-.-
then we went there. wait awhile. but we hadda catch our movie.
so aiyahh. wasted. haha.
i like the guy's eyes. they're nice and small. haha.
collateral. i think its good.
like pretty good. if it wasnt so stressful, i think i'd have given it 5 stars.
its good action.
u know some action shows are like crap.
this one's good. haha.
tom cruise is still charismatic. tho he looked... like that. in the show.
haha.
v interesting show.
must watch.
next show i wanna watch is secret window. oooh yeahh.
i realised they dont check me for nc 16 movies anymore. haha i naturally pass.
i wanna watch secret window next.
johnny depp is terribly hot. haha. charisma. is impt.
err then we went to heeren to get my pencilbox. (:
wheee i love it. haha.
but i gotta get new friendship bands, cause my previous' pencilcase's bands dont suit it.
cause the zip's so small.
must have the bands. poof. time consuming.
hmm then we were abt to head to changi beach. -gleams-
but timecheck. 1820.
if we wanna catch the sunset. we wont make it. it takes ages to get there.
and if we get there after the sun had setted.
itd be damn dark.
so we went to the esplanade instead. -.- stupid.
SO many pple there. can die.
but nvm, we found nicenice eyecandy*
haha.
he works at baker's inn. we were having a drink there.
wooo he's quite hot. i think we're gonna study there one day.
moreover its like right next to the sea. sea breeze is good.
and crashing of the waves is better.
good form of music. haha.
anw, after everything. left there past nine.
got home. had to walk back myself.
so freaky kay. its so dark.
i mean i usually have pple to walk me back like when its dark.
otherwise my mum would pick me up. but she wasnt free today.
so to err not scare myself.
i sang. like at the top of my voice.
haha can hear the echo kay. haha.
i think im nuts. the neighbours probably thought i was mad.
and here i am. oh oh did i tell u. jess and i were going nuts abt taking black and white pictures.
okay fine.
only i was.
CAUSE ITS SOOOO COOOOOL.
we looked like we're from e 60s. hahaha.
when color cams werent invented yet.
and sitting next to e merlion.
HAHA.
funny!
sigh ok i'd better get going. bed time soon. still gonna play tennis with bryan tmr. oh i saw him at e esplanade. wit vickie. dammit loh. both their parents were outta town. unfair. then i still have dance. wahh pro man. -.-
night yall.
i am a sea creature. HAHA.
[oh sweet days of summer]
stressful.
>.< i found out to be something i wish i wasnt. haha.
but thanks la ling.
sigh. how comee! i thought im so nice and err. not known.
i bet you ling's like LAUGHING now. =.=
fine. so im unobservant. i'd rather be that, then to be sly and bitchy and err complex. and change 720 degrees. ha.
innocence is a virtue. and i assue you, my unobservant-ness (haha) is the result of it. -GRINS-
haha.
oh and she's going to shanghai! like wtf! laoshi put me back in taiwan!
wah lao you know i think laoshi a bit too much.
she withdrew my taiwan cheque without my consent.
cause she says that im not allowed to apply for b oth, then decide later.
and she knows my mum'll be worried for the whole damn month.
so she pulled that one out.
poof k! ive been to shanghai hangzhou suzhou and wuxi TWICE. okay wuxi once.
and they arent the most interesting places around! -.-
at least im going with friends this time.
oooh and ling's probably gonna be my roomie. yay! haha lovelove! (:
hmm. this sucks man.
she. me. on the same bus.
along with 50 obnoxious RI guys on tour.
man wont that be just HELL.
why cant they pick a diff sch. why always ri ri ri ri.
ri very nice meh. heh.
okay im going to BUG nicholas tan to go. poof.
err update next time. i needa sleep.
im so so so so tired.
dozed off during bio. haha. funny.
(:
careless whispers
omg i cant take this anymore.
like everything.
EVERYTHING.
is crashing down on me.
i cant breathe. at all.
and not to mention the countless tests coming up,
ive been studying since i got home and im still not at ss yet.
i need to breathe
oxygen. where are you.
you know its like everything. like. one by one.
with only an interval of a day.
everything's just stabbing me.
hurting me.
everything.
as tho there're like needles crashing down on me.
the pain is so acute.
i cant take it no more.
yay praise the Lord. bryan's gonna play tennis wit me.
really hope he works out.
hams told me once that when u're really upset/stressed/etc,
you play racket games.
it helps.. a lot.
and i know it does.
i cant even watch tv.
i cant even keep the tears from coming.
they just flow like a bloody river.
on and on and on.
they dont stop for a drink.
it just goes on..
I cant sleep...
everything im living for.
is a lie without you...
[pointless nostalgia]
ahh. cant believe lijiawei lost!
poof.
why was she so aggressive. damn scary. =ladeedum.
everything's like upside down now. so stupid.
fine so i know they just started.
but still its damn torturous for me.
ha only jess'll know what im talking abt.
sigh.
kate came to church today.
yippeedodah.
oh i played four songs. kyna played four songs. very weird.
but i feel so intimidated, cause shes a much better pianist than i am.
sigh. jay and jocelyn sang backup.
dont know if it was just a coincidence. >.<
poof.
oh indonesia won badminton. men's single.
haha they seem so happy. mm.
but both of them didnt look like they were playing very seriously. haha.
oh damn that stupid korean woman. shes playing the finals now.
here comes the screaming.
okay anyway.
josh spiked his hair.
well sort of. haha.
he looks so funkehh!
josh rocks. haha. he can still tell me his hair wasnt on purpose. haha whateverr.
anw he was called to share what he had learnt after reading some article we had to read in church today.
haha it came almost naturally. like..
...it basically tells you to like...spread the Word around, and you better say it soon, cause you'll never know what'll happen...
haha it was DAMN farnie. we were all like. mmm wowwww. josh actually made senseee! haha.
then hmm, suye went to share abt her london missionary trip.
it sounded so draining.
waking up everyday for 3 weeks, and your only purpose is to share the Gospel with e muslims in london. haha.
mann.
anw b4 dance, my eyes were like damn dry larh.
i kept rubbing it. its still so dry. ack. and i cant find my eyedrops.
alright dance was. err. okaay.
quite fun larh. haha.
then after err dance jess and i went to sushi tei.
had tempura ramen. quite good! (: haha.
ahh i gotta go. update soon. bb.
do not be ashamed..
[and you pick me back up]
friday.
hmm. school went fine. cle was interesting.
we went to the hall for student forum.
deb tan kept dismissing pple.
glk was SO irritating. she kept getting other pple to answer qns for her. she asked ms yeo, and ms yeo made a face, and did it to cooly. haha.
nv knew she was so funky.
then glk said something really offensive about the performing arts group.
sarah went up there. rebutting her. with tears in her eyes.
im so proud of sarah. we all are.
im sure they'll review it now. glk SUCKS.
sarah rocksrocksrocks.
english. im v.disturbed by the test. it seems...so hard.
and confusing.
we're allowed to fabricate facts. thats damn scary.
finee. so maybe like what ms han said, i look at the world thru tinted glasses.
like everything around is nice and sweet.
but theres nothing wrong wit that now, is there.
poof.
choir. we rehearsed for speech day, full dressed.
sucks kay. the woman keeps complaining.
abt how we tie our scarf.
whatever color it is.
stupid kay. STUPID.
then some pple are just so dense.
they made us sing as tho we were singing to err. i dont even know.
like. its so soft, you cant even say youre singing to yourself. cause you cant even hear yourselves.
so what if there were mics there.
we all started laughing cause we were singing like SO DARN SOFTLY. there was barely anything coming outta our mouths, and the woman was like GOODGOOD KEEP IT UP!
laughs.
but mr rosnan said. dont care abt her! the volume part i adjust.
haha i think hes damnnn cool.
oh oh and anw when we were singing, chris slatter was up at the gallery, he was so impressed! hahaha. -gleams.
met cy after i went home to change and everything.
went for some rj play.
WAH LAO. i was like HOW extra.
everyone else was in their uniform. their RJ UNIFORM.
when my seniors saw me, they all had the. "err what are you doing here" kinda look.
haha soo extra.
but at least they didnt look at me like a freak. they were friendly as usual.
saw bernice and leila. and some other pple too. (:
oh oh i saw that err guy. who i saw at ora. who looked SO familiar. like when i see him, -bang- i KNOW you. but i dont.
cy was suggesting to go up to him and go, do you know kelly?!
haha joker.
the play wasnt too bad.
haha its abt the greece(i think?) women going on sex strikes, hopefully to stop their husbands from going to war.
haha.
damn funny.
and the contents were super explicit too.
hmm. then after the show, cy walked me back.
haha. cause i told my mum my friend's mum was sending me home.
we had to make sure when i got home, she would have heard a car passing by.
so we had to like wait a few houses b4, until a car came.
and it took sucha LONG time. haha.
got home quite early. cause mum didnt allow me for supper.
haha he got home at 1130. >.<
its nice to see someone you havent seen in awhile.
today!
went to sch early. warm ups and everything.
ladeedum
then anyway the performance.
poof. i dont think we did as well as our rehearsals.
but it was good enough.
our seniors were so proud of us. (:
hanhan said we were good. like v.good. (: WHEE.
greeat. (:
then went to church for worship prac.
yeelin. -.-
then err err. haha it was okay lar. mik's damn farniieee!
then went over to e other room. jay eu yiling and jocelyn were mugging there.
haha oh oh juice too.
so i was teaching juice how to do functions.
haha so funny. he takes 20 minutes to one qn. =.= hahhaha.
so farnieee.
(:
then im here/
i cant believe li jia wei lost to that stupid noisy korean woman.
she kept like screaming and shouting. poof. cant stand her faceee!
anw michael phelps is hot. with his cap and his earphones.
hope hes swimming tonight.
oh oh did i tell you that my bro gave me wireless connection for my laptop.
so now i can go anywhere in the house and use the com. SO COOL!!
its like im sitting on my bed now, and blogging.
wooo yeahh. (:
ohh my mum and i had this wholleeee talk abt like my guy friends. haha she wants to know more names. other than shaun john glenn. marcus marcus gerald. haha.
oh and nick too.
and she came to this conclusion that nick's this really good guy. haha.
but of course right! hes the best.
sighh then she was saying. she wants to cook.
then invite them all back. including ah ma and all. ling. nick. some 6Lers.
shaun john glenn.
and whoever i can.
sighh.
and i just started missing him all over again.
cause i know i cant invite him. prelims are more impt.
but sighh.
feels like im spinning...
[just leave me here to cry]
yay i got a new software to dl songs. its really fast. ares. all thanks to jiaqi. (:
anw i was dl-ing songs by ashlee simpson and avil lavigne. i just wanted to hear avril's new sound. and how ashlee simpson's like. my gosh. they're damn irritating.
haha i dont know why.
i think i out grew the pop age thing.
ooh i found will young's version of hey ya. haha. gospel soundalike.
oh and there's like loads of songs by rockapella.
butbutbut. no always you. >.< and the change in my life... like not enuff sources. dammit. ling's bro's song. haha.
oooh and got more of mraz's songs.
sigh. pop's getting dull. gotta go ask julian what nice jazz songs there are.
haha. i think i have all jamiroquai's songs. >.< r&b? haha. sigh see how.
poof. i wanna put jason mraz's summer breeze on my blog. i dont know how to. haha.
other than the fact that his voice's a lil.. whiney. i think mraz has a really nice voice. haha. sigh.
spent the day err msging. josh. and nick. ahhh nick. sigh.
i know i spent almost my whole sec sch life. anticipating for jc. cause i know in jc, nick'll be in the same sch as i will be. and that will mean so much.
somewhat like p6, just that the other funky pple wont be there. but now nick might not be there, and suddenly everything seems.. wrong. bahh. wonder who to look forward to in jc now. only the seniors. and still. the seniors. that one senior. sigh. i think he'll make my heart break more than anything. oh and its whether he can even make it in. ha. poof. haha what happens to me now.
josh.
haha. spent e day talking to him abt.. useless stuff. haha he doesnt wanna tell me who he likes! grrr. haha i love it when i getta talk to these pple. these are pple that are really forever friends. or at least i hope so. haha he asked me. hey, do you think i look perverted. HAHA. sooo funny. but hes josh. how to look perverted. but its stupid to ask me lar. cause ive known him for almost as long as ive known kate.
oh. susilo's out. i cant believe. e only match i watched. and he lost. -.- he played so badly. >.< sorry im in no position to comment. but like u can tell, when it was nearing the end, he started to panic, then his shots didnt get past the net. >.< oh i realised that the thai guy and him like the net a lot. they keep hitting it. how come its still counted! in tennis it isnt. but anyway how often do you hit the tip of the net in tennis. your ball's like highspeed man. haha.
sch today. i was like so beat. so so beat.
wanted to sleep during recess. but i got into the fun of reciting quotes to ms han. haha. cha and i recited like. 8 quotes at a go. so fun. then we got 8 stickers. ive got 11 now. i can rmb another 7 quotes! haha so that means 18! :D hope i rmb tmr.
after sch. went for lunch wit ling. had far east chicken rice. haha yum.
then aesthetics. poise and confidence. -.-"" damn boring. i was damn tired. and had a terrible headache. poof. its sucha bore. its makeup next week. 0.o like whaat right. i'd rather be out. speaking of which. aesthetics takes up one of my free days! and that means im only left with monday. but WHO GOES OUT ON MONDAY! sheesh. poof. >.< for 6 weeks can. blooody. then by the time it ends.... eoys. -.-" sheesh.
sigh im so tired. im going to bed.
night yall.
youre gonna get me high.
[im going bananas]
haha i realised i keep blogging.
and when i do, it means im troubled. poof.
blah.
lunch now.
i dont even know what to say.
emailed rob last night. going to check now.
sigh i miss rob.
he rocks rocks rocks.
okay this is just a waste of timeeee.
ladeedum.
[get up and see the sarcasm in our eyes]
yeah okay. i wont force it.
nature will take its course.
if i dont feel anything for him, i just dont.
and i wont force myself.
i cant anyway.
ladeedum.
bio spa today.
shit larh. everyone got different answers.
but shouldnt glucose metabolized the fastest, cause its the simplest form of sugar? -.-"
grr.
i really love worlds apart by jars of clay.
its sucha beautiful song.
everytime i hear the song, the lyrics just linger in my head.
its so reflective.
everyone who hasnt heard it, go dl it. or ask me for it.
and because the tune doesnt vary very much, the whole purpose is to dwell on the words.
to love You, take my world apart.
to need You, i am on my knees.
to love You, take my world apart.
to need You, broken on my knees.
whee. went for lunch wit cheryl yang.
haha we were rushing like crazy cause she was late for dental.
then we went to take neoss!
haha its been ages since ive last taken one.
turned out.. quite okay.
sigh alright. gotta do rs.
ladeedum.
michael phelps is hot property..
we have stars directing our fate
[come on deejay play that song]
whee. today was funfun.
headed for church early in the morning. oh i had a very terrible sore eye last night. sore eyes actutally, and it took me sucha long time to sleep.
in the morning, my eyes were all red. and the area all around my eyes too. from all the rubbing. and i was super pale cause i hadnt had much sleep. ooh i looked like a ghost. haha.
got to church at 10. for once! i wasnt late! haha. i went in, and mik dropped his git. haha. bigbig hooha. then we practised. and ryan came strolling in like after half an hour. haha. ryan's pro man. his plucking is like whoa. and he figures out like the songs on the radio so quickly! and so well! mik's like pro too. haha. he's all so cool with his bass. jason. i wont say anything. my impression of him has changed like a lot since i knew him. anw we're damn funny! we were playing. then i had to give ryan the beats cause he was playing intro for all the songs. until the last song. haha. i couldnt get the beat. no one could. so mik was playing one rhythmn, ryan was playing another rhythmn, jason was playing something else too, and rach was singing differently. haha then we ALL started laughing. like the musicians. and everyone was like what's happening. aha. so funny. we just burst out laughing. haha. im telling you we're so much funkier than the nat batch. hes so strict man. like so strict. >.< crap we're playing for yeelin next week. ahhhhhh. not her again. okok sorry. at least the band members are great.
sat next to jay for message. haha see. that's what happens when kate leaves. im the closest to kate mik jay josh ryan paul druce. once kate leaves, i end up sitting wit the guys. haha. ohhh did i tell you, josh cut his hair! HAHA. so funny. like the top part's too short or smthg. so it sticks out. and i had so much fun trying to spike his hair. now his hair's just HIGH. hahahahaa. looks as tho he slept on the wrong side of the bed or smthg. wheee i love them all very very much. but DAMMIT. if i go to taiwan. i cant go for yz camp. i cant. shit. i dont wanna go le. but its stupid. cause im giving up a one month trip, for a 3 day camp. ahhh but the camp's like the best experience. last year's one was like whoa. we all became so close after that. bahh. haha mik jay and i. chan tan chan. haha sorry, private joke. oh rayner's got an ipod. dammit. haha i was like playing wit it while he was listening, then i blasted it. haha. oh oh and lance was like I BROUGHT THE SCORES FOR thREE CONSECUTIVE WEEKS. THREE! AND YOU DIDNT COME FOR THREE CONSECUTIVE WEEKS! AND tHE WEEK I DIDNT BRING IT, YOU COME! AHHH! haha omg hes sucha funny person. then we had some preview to the amazing race evangelistic thing we're gonna have. haha. its quite gross, the things they have to eat. sucha rip off of fear factor. i dont like. >.< no originality.
dance! oooh the choreo was superbbb. haha. it was so funkyy. tho i think i screwed up. the dance was SOOO fun. haha. required so so much attitude. i likeee. (: i was like drenched after dance. haha. moreover i looked ghostly. haha. very weird. thank goodness i brought my cap.
went for lunch at e esplanade. ladeedum.
haha jess and i had LATTE. and cheesy fries. like what kinda combi izzit. whee then we walked around. shared a candy floss. blah its late i gotta go to bed.
hmm when did i promise timo i'll go watch the sunset with him. >.< interesting. haha.
later.
if you keep on taking
my heart u'll be breaking.
[i really wanna worship you my Lord]
came back from worship prac.
i feel guilty. i feel that i play for yz just cause i love music and i love the piano. im not doing it for God. well at least i dont think i am. and thats wrong.
i think im backsliding. which is not okay. at all.
God has given me all the strength i need. to overcome any obstacles. He's always been there. guiding me. providing me with wisdom in times of trouble.
and yet, when i dont feel troubled, or dismayed, i dont thank Him all the same. no i do, but only sometimes. and that's the typical kinda Christian that i dont look up to.
and guess what. im displaying it.
nono this is all wrong.
i wanted to go for the spook show clara wanted me to go for.
i really really wanted to. but i had to give my ticket to her bro in the end.
no im not complaining. but i realise its these kinda things that get my faith going.
its these kinda things that make it blatant that God is amongst us.
i still write stuff in my personal diary, pretty regularly in fact.
and i never forget to note down my prayers for that day in the book.
is that good? is that enough?
i really dont know.
i dont doubt His existance. i dont doubt Hes the only God.
but i doubt myself.
maybe its the society im in. no i cant blame it.
cause im sposed to make time for God.
im motivated. im not gonna let myself backslide.
its not gonna happen, cause God is the centre of my life.
yup.
i just realised how much i actually care abt nick.
haha its funny.
i just realised half my decisions revolve around him.
and hes doing something very strange.
hes taking his sats this year.
and applying for u next year.
he wants me to take medicine cause he hopes to b in the same u as i am. and we can all study together.
and im really considering it. it sounds so attractive. haha.
but why's he taking his sats this year.
okay i needa sit down and ask him.
sighh. my best friends have a hold over me that nobody has. haha.
kate jess nick jay everyone.
kates the crazy one. the one who's so like me. in the dress sense. the way we think. the way we act. we're so similar.
jess is the soulmate. the one that i can talk to. and tell her anything under the world. literally, anything. and we're both crazy. ohhh and shes the one i always go out with. and talk to on the phone. dont know how im gonna get past taiwan. haha.
nick's the brains. the intelligent one. my terrible softspot. hes like my lil sis. yes i mean, sis. the one whom im trying to help grow up. haha. hes just the one that means the entire world to me.
jay's the more solemn one. the one who thinks. calmly. a very cool person. a lit freak like me. and hes one of the only pple i look up to. whether its character, or faith in Christ, or anything.
sigh my eyes are getting the better of me.
seeyah soon.
through it all i know, that God is in control.
you get me high` 10:06 AM
[he took my breath away]
hmm its a lazy saturday aftn.
i woke up this morning at 6. with a horrible sore throat, and a going-going-gone voice. couldnt go for the supreme courts perf.
im like super disappointed.
much that i know, theres not much excitement standing like blocks of wood,
[no let me correct myself, we were told to smile, and look sweeter than the sc choir. haha.]
and singing strange medleys of national day songs.
one malay one indian and two english songs. one of which is super patriotic.
moreover standing in front of oh-so-stoned judges. the cj.
[who btw is called the Honourable the Chief Justice. laughs.]
and all of them looking so impatient, cause the observer's ceremony's compulsory in their agenda.
but the feeling of performing. in front of pple. its indescribable.
everyone says choir's boring. u just singsingsing.
i mean even if u like to sing, singing too much gets irritating. and nothing breaks the monotony.
well but its different. when u're a performer.
and u love performing.
and u love to stand up on stage. doing what u're good at.
and just making music in its most natural form.
thats why the human voice is such a beautiful thing.
ohh and the rehearsals.
sighh. gotta wait till we perform during speech day.
hmm. went shopping wit my mum last night
bought like a pair of nicenice pink star earrings. they're a bit big tho.
danglings. but nice, nevertheless.
then i went to times.
got two nicholas spark's book.
the notebook, and message in the bottle..
reading the notebook now. im like. done with 3/4 of the book.
and i only started reading last night. its not even 1 in the aftn yet.
woo. im fast.
but its so good. i guess sparks never fails to live up to the name of being my favorite author.
haha.
its a great privilege since i dont read much.
haha and hes the only guy who can make me glued to his books. (:
anyway this is something i read inside. its so nice. dont think they had it in the movie.
The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and wil be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
When i look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And i know i have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye.
I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and i promise to do all i can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again, and this is truly good-bye, i know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before.
haha. words from a poet. just that maybe it goes round a bit in circles. its still sweet.
sigh. hope message in the bottle will be good too.
anyway i gotta get going to church for worship prac.
ladeedum.
later.
with faith like a child
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I float too high
And like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
(To love you) take my world apart
(To need you) I am on my knees
(To love you) take my world apart
(To need you) broken on my knees
Said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
Battles between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
my sin soaked heart, make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and blow away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
Wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
hallelujah
[guilty feet have got no rhythmn]
haha i wanted to put "im never gonna dance again", but i just realised how much of an irony that is. it was on my nick like. last night, and funny pple like yuan was like, OMG WHAT HAPPENED. hahahaha.
poof.
hmm but i like the song, a lot.
okok my apologies to kate. didnt blog abt our nat day together.
haha.
i dont know why i didnt. sorry girll!
ok spent nat day with katee. my bezziee!
havent seen her in ages. like, really. ages.
hey speaking of which, when are we gonna meet at kap man.
we gotta have lunch again, girl. soon.
okay met her at heeren.
then we went to buy my hattt! (: have i mentioned my hat already.
i think i did.
but i didnt buy the 25 bucks one. bought one that was 20, and looked well.. better.
haha its good to go shopping with your best friend
cause her opinions are priceless. (:
ladeedum.
then we walked around. had ljs.
then errr went back to her place. haha.
gave her her bday pres, which i do terribly hope she liked.
then we watched the errr stupid parade together.
of which we both fell asleep.
oh we had pizza. with e rest of her family members.
but like, i only eat hawaiian. so i just had a pepperoni. which tasted a bit odd.
anyway i wasnt feeling very well.
elliot was running a fever or smthg. =hope hes feelin' better.
kay then we watched the first episode of sg idol
hahahaa we were alllll laughing...
so fun.
then ladeedum. went online. talked to jay. then her dad sent me home.
kay see i blogged! (:
yay she made my nat day. hope to see you soon mate.
ahh well. doubt im going for the cambridge trip.
signing up for the taiwan one.
only thing is that its for ONE MONTH.
bahh.
nvm, still gonna go there, and have err. fun.
at least its better than spore right.
jess i'll celebrate your bday when i get back!
i'll only be a few days late! hahaha.
aww dont u just wish you could follow me to taiwan. btw where does chris stay.
OHHHH and give me the adds of the shops the pple opened.
maybe i can go.
and take pictures.
(:
sighhh. hope nick's going.
then it'd be 100% fun. (:
kay assembly now.
later. (:
i look beyond the empty cross
[theres a thousand words that i could say
to make you come home]
haha i think i repeat quotes. -.-
dammit i lost my justin timberlake cd. i cant find it!!!
grr. jt rocks.
sigh. there goes my senorita. my rock your body.
and my never again.
ahha. where izzit!!
sigh school's started.
after that nice long breakkk. haha.
i went out like everyday. gotta stay at home and mug.
gotta learn howta be a good, hardworking girl. (:
omg my mum's so irritating, she's giving me a headache.
haha so much for a being a good girl.
sigh.
im trying to compile a 'jazzier' playlist for my mp3s.
and i just realised ive got a terrible lack of jazz songs in my harddrive.
haha was watching sg idol. mymy are they terrible.
i just realised that the 'banana man', sky lim or smthg.
is my kor's friend! haha.
cause glenn had that guy's friendster id on his nick. went to check it out, and found out he's like linked from kor. haha.
riight.
i think there were like only two good singers i saw.
and you can see the trend in them.
one's the woman who works at starbucks. she's mixed. therefore not really a sporean.
the other one's tiffany lin. the 16 year old. haha shes got an american accent.
probably brought up in the states or something.
haha so you see. singapore doesnt cultivate true talents.
haha sighh its so sad.
anyways. tuesday.
went out with jesso. again. whee.
haha best girl pals right right?
watched the village.
the movie sucked.
theres no head. no tail. no middle. haha.
its so stupid, and they give away the plot like too early.
thank goodness we watched the notebook the other time.
which btw is the noteBOOK, not the notePAD.
go blog surfing and you'll know what i mean when u stumble upon that person's blog.
haha.
ohh and the people behind us were making sooo much noise!
haha.
we wonder who it is... haha.
anyway i was still sick.
actually, am still sick.
jess and i were a bit stoned.
played table hockey. reaction time a bit slow. haha.
[hey, physics! haha]
then we decided.
we needed to have tea.
haha. like good american tea.
just a note, i dont drink tea, dont drink coffee. unless its coffee bean or smthg.
so we went to royal coperhagen tea lounge at taka.
haha. the guy there was soo annoying.
had a latte anw. haha i drank it hot!
like woww. i dont drink hot stuff. haha.
jess had the ice one. i was sooo envious! but i was coughing! couldnt have the cold one. -.-
haha then gerald wanted to go tog or smthg.
so since we were sitting next to the window, and we spotted him from like paragon.
haha. so funny.
i was like msging him. like turn here. noooo wrong direction! haha. funny.
went home,
then tuition.
whee mdm ong's turning me into some kinda math freak. she rocks. (:
haha.
oh school was pretty funny today.
mdm yeo's like the cutest!
like you know... garfield has a large inertia..
then she makes a funny face, and sticks both her hands out, supposed to be like paws or smthg.
haha.
she rocks. and shes a good teacher.
just that i think im gonna die for my kinematics.
ooh my physics test.
i didnt get zero!
i didnt fail!
haha okay so i didnt do very well.
but i did better than i expected.
so phew.
its kinda weird, im listening to five.
i still think they were one of the better boybands around.. then.
too bad they split.
and now blue's splitting.
have you guys seen the bubblin' vid. lee looks absolutely gorgeous. haha.
bootylicious.
haha.
okay swooning time's over.
time to mugmugmug*
aint it funny...
[i wont cry]
yeah jess u're right.
what a bad day it was today.
saw him again.
haha how long hasnt that great ol' him appeared in my blog.
....wait. not very long right.
laughs.
all the memories that came flooding back.
i think i was going crazy.
jess rocks.
haha she pulled me away fast enough.
or else i'd have wanted to see him to the end.
and it'd have been more painful after he left.
whee sigh.
this sucks
jess saw jon too.
with jasmine.
sigh shes so pretty. how i wish i could be pretty too.
mm.
sigh.
anyway.
we went hat shopping today.
fell in love wit this denim hat but its bloody 25 bucks.
i wont be allowed to get it.
ooh damn. its so sad.
anyways i think im jetting.
im sad.
laughs-
night everyone.
im gonna live without youuu....
[you must be some kinda superstar]
ah friday. sigh.
didnt go to sch. firstly cause it was celebrations, secondly cause i was sick. but nvm larh. doesnt matter.
cant believe i had to miss speech day rehearsals. sigh i feel so sorry.
went out wit jess at 3. after i slept till 1 and felt like a lot better.
had to go out cause it was like friday, an d i cant just sit and home and do nothing.
besides there was a movie we wanted to watch.
we caught the notebook. nicholas spark's novel!
haha im gonna buy the book. anyway its like a perfectly perfect love story.
everything's so sweet. and so pretty.
and the scenary's like absolutely breath-taking.
i think the show's worth 650 just for the scenary alone. its absolutely gorrrrgeous.
anyway the show's a bit draggy larh. and it didnt explain much.
a bit confusing.
im pretty sure the book'll be better tho. i love nicholas sparks! (:
okay then err we went to ps to have dinner.
had soyasauce based tempura ramen.
oooh it was quite nice. but both of us were damn damn full. so we barely ate.
okay then at abt 7. my mum called.
she said i could go for superstar if i wanted to. so im like shitshitshit.
so late how to tell nikki.
so i err. called her. but she sounded so dead. ive got a feeling shes pissed with me.
sighh.
anyway she was at paragon, with er someone.
she didnt wanna tell me, tho i think i know who it is. sigh. and she said forgettit larh.
sigh. so i just went wit jess. since she stays opposite acsi.
superstar.
okay the standard was like >.< shit.
haha. crap the guys cant sing! for nuts!
i think the winner was the best of all.
haha i was so tempted to just go up stage, grab the mic, and win the competition.
haha. all my silly thoughts.
but really they all suck!
what happened to the choir boys! or at least pple who can SING.
i think the band was fab tho. like they made the singers a bit better.
without the band, they can just go die.
mm, but i wonder how they figured out the chords and stuff for all the songs.
anw marcus was on the percussions, and zh was on the git.
haha. did i take pictures. lemme check.
okay i did but u can barely see them. too dark.
haha anyway zh was damn cool larh.
haha he IS good at the git. now im convinced.
anyway really, all the contestants sucked.
i actually thought the guy who sang the supposed "jazzy" piece, tho it was more broadway, was quite good. and he sang sway quite well.
ahh well. ya anw they're damn gay. all damn gay.
and the video clips were too long. even nigel was complaining.
boring.
intermission was only like ten minutes! ooh so cute, steffi said hi to me. i dont even know her. haha. >.<> in pain, these guys came up to us and said they were sitting there. -.-
like hello. cant you see the lady's fussing over a sprained ankle and cant you be more of a gentlemen.
and turns out they're paul's friends. mannn.
paulaepaulae! haha hes so cute.
buncha stupid posers.
oooh and gerald was sitting behind me, shouting and screaming.
haha i could almost go deaf. (:
mm there was this guy who sang usher.
i almost puked.
i mean he thinks he's got the grooves and he's got the moves. and he's got the voice.
like hello. he's neither. like nothing. zero.
moreover he tried to errrrrrr. "dance" or "move" like usher on stage, but all failed terribly terribly in vain.
jess and i were so like disgusted.
haha.
oh and the judges were trying too hard. like, too hard.
some guy was trying too hard to be like cowell, it was damn irritating.
and he was like obsessed with the word "forsetto". is that the only cheem musical word you know, mister.
the only guy was just err gay-ish
and the lady was obsessed wit her husband and ac. haha.
sigh. felt like sucha waste of ten bucks.
after the show, which ended like damn late.
ooh i saw khaymar. haha. (: hey girl.
had supper wit jess zh marcus gerald. haha.
like marcus says, just go with da flooowww. crazy fella.
went to holland v, but like everything was closed.
ooh that stupid mooolia was there, drinking. with his fellas smokin'.
like really, wassup wit that.
ended up going to swensens for ice cream.
ahha they're all crazy.
after the food, we wanted to take a cab back. but there were five of us.
haha so we were going around taxi to taxi asking if the uncle would take five pple.
zh's damn corny! he's like. threatening the taxi driver.
you really dont want arh. then i ask the taxi behind, you dont regret it k!
haha crazyyy.
dont know why the taxi drivers are so inflexible anyway.
anw zh ended up "sacrificing" himself. he took a cab back by himself. awww.
haha then we dropped jess. dropped gerald. marcus stopped at my place and he walked home.
oh haha when we were abt to pay. we realised, crap gerald got a free ride!
haha. so i just split the cost wit marcus.
got home at like. 1230+++.
ooh then after i had my shower, couldnt fall asleep. still very high.
haha. so i talked to marcus online.
then he's like. meet u at the park at 140.
wahh so fun.
but his mum woke up so he couldnt sneak out. sighhh.
wasted.
or it would have been so fun walking around at 2am.
(:
but anw marcus rocks! hes so nice. haha.
ahh well. woke up today to a chain of scoldings. is there even sucha thing.
mum came back and she couldnt stop scolding me.
she didnt let me go for jazz.
can u believe it? stopping me. to go for dance. DANCE.
sheesh.
how bold can she get.
and she still can ask me why do i look so unhappy.
why wont i, dammit?!
ugh.
so, im going to bed now. its 1430. yup. wheee.
gdnight everyone.
i'll wake up and study, and be a good girl. haha.
ooohhh nick doesnt have trg until tues. really hope i can meet up wit him! (((((:
oh wait im not done. i still have something to say.
im disgusted.
i doted quite a bit on a junior of mine, only to find out that she's been backstabbing me.
and sticking to me cause i know pple.
guys, to be more exact.
i wanna comment on this cause i just read her blog.
something abt how pple say that she flirts but she actually doesnt.
and like KNOWING pple's different from FLIRTING.
like really, if she knows pple.
i really know the whole world.
im super disgusted. and upset of course.
moreover she came from ny! honestly, she doesnt deserve it.
cause pple that come from there dont turn out a failure.
like ling says, we all have our name and our rep.
haha she said koofoo, zh, nick, everyone. haha even me! (:
so dont come ruin our name like that.
ugh im disgusted.
and pls. not as tho the choristers really like you. if they knew you were like that, im sure they're impression of you wont be oh-so-good right.
sheesh.
hypocritical pieces of shit.
miracles happen once in a life
[superduperlove*]
helloo. its lunch. oh shucks its 1259. o.O what am i doing. cc's gonna walk in any minute.
anyways, just blogged last night.
but so many thing happened after that so im blogging again. (:
okay fine. not so many things. just some pple i wanna thank!
haha.
yay thanks to derek. like THANK YOU VERY MUCH. helped me with my chem. and some other stuff. not taking the test today tho. and that means i wont be taking it till like next wednesday. so you can cont helping me. (: hope i'll do well.
ooh and thanks yuan too. (: it was superbly nice talking to you last night. ladeedumzie.
dammit cc's outside. im gonna cont this later.
might be going for superstar on friday. hope i do. and hope i'll have fun. (: with.. pple. (:
okay ciaociao.
[cause i want it all or nothing at all]
ahhh mid week.
lets see. sch's been fine. i like lit lessons. okay fine, i like shakespeare.
so lit lessons are fun. haha. ahhh.
been having bball for pe. so fun! shooting nets are funfun.
okay mum's in india. so its a lil bit of havoc for me.
i wake up at 615, my cab comes at 645, then i reach sch at 7. and i sleep (or at least try to) till 725. the only DAMN THING that's hindering me from getting my extra 20 minutes of rest, is the stupid national day songs they play. and they BLAST it. -.- bloooody.
anyway today was err okay larh. sch. started off with math.
im soo pleased wit myself, i finished the whole of wrksht 7. its sooo hard.
and its like there're so many workings, my whole damn page is filled with numbers.
man, i outta take a picture of it.
haha.
then it was lit. macbeth.
yay. (:
recess, then english.
han let us use the magix lab for our media stuff. i think most of it's pieced together already?
im really not sure cause i was honestly just dozing off, but at the same time try to seem as tho im looking at the screen. haha. i rmb leaning on cheryl, then a minute later i fell asleep.
chinese.
haha. tingxie. its called fulltime copying. i couldnt care less lar. its just tingxie. and i didnt study.
sigh.
then cle.
yay i completed my math assgn. heh whoops. i wasnt sposed to be doing math now, was i?
caught brotherhood after school.
it was good larh.
just that the action and everything, its like how super gory. and gruesome.
makes you really wanna throw up.
but wonbin's sucha eyecandy!
you know when the show first started, i thought the older brother looked a lot better, cause wonbin acted like some im-nv-gonna-grow-up kid. but when he started to turn into a bastard, wonbin was how hot. haha.
anyway, i actually cried! well sorta. at the very last part. the rest i was just teary.
and i had a terrible stuffy nose. so everything was a bit like. weird.
oh and mq! he was SMILING during the action. like wtf. sadist. haha.
while i was hiding under my jacket or smthg.
haha i realised i really dont tear a lot for shows.
cause most shows are abt pple. human beings.
haha.
during stuart little, i rmb crying like there was no tmr.
like e tears just came down like streams.
and finding nemo too.
and err. even when i watch animal planet.
haha. i err have a softspot for non-humans. (: haha. weirdooo.
but i err cried a lot today. >.<
came home, managed to catch like the last bit of the chinese 530 show.
it was sOOOOOO sad. like just seeing the guy like trying to commit suicide.
tears are uncontrollable! haha.
and the 1900 show, when they found out that the guy was dead. and everyone was so sad.
same thing.
wow whee. improvement. i cry for pple now.
haha i actually sympathise for pple. ooh interesting.
anw xing's over to teach me.
had to cook dinner for us, soup and bread.
my gosh im so full i can just throw up.
and chem's so toughhhh! my gosh.
i hate chem cals.
and i needa sleep early so im jetting...
....right abt now! (:
turra~*
im with you
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