Tuesday, November 30
[im weak, it's true]
yess lenard. i like getting notes from you a lot! haha. stop calling me crazy. or silly. or foolish. haha. and it's NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT. and im sorry i wasnt home today. so didnt really getta talk to you.
guess what. im still not happy. i really dont know what's my problem. sure, it feels like theres a load off my shoulder. i feel more relaxed. but still. im still suppressing my feelings. jess can vouch for that. she's been telling me the whole of today, that i've been trying my very best to look happy, but it's not exactly very convincing. greaattt right. -.- so im suppressing im suppressing. but sometimes it's so hard. when im alone in my room like past midnight. everything's quiet, and im alone with my thoughts. i cant help but feel the tears welling up, as i write in my pretty blue striped diary about what a beautiful day it was, but yet, sigh.
indeed, im still suppressing. i am i really am.
ugh. i cant regret it. i cant i cant. but i am, right? but since i've made the decision, and i know its the best for us. i cant regret it. i really cant.
haha the bear's my only refuge! (:
ohh ohh. i just heard! gabriel read my entry on him! HAHAHAHA. *rolls on the floor laughing* HI GABRIEL! *breaks into fits of laughter* serves you right! yeah and im SURE 165's not short. hahahahaha. (okay lenard dont scold me). cause i really wont start dissing you, if you started making stories abt me, and i dont even know what i've done to offend you. or else i'd really say sorry. but im sorry you get your own medicine.
ooh and i saw derek today! damnn after i left jess, so you didnt getta see him! ((: anyway he's sucha pie! okay i mean a sweet one. haha. sorry der i know it's quite an insult to put you in the same paragraph as a jerk. but ahh. dont want my paragraphs to be so short. (: hes too loser for my shoes. (: anw der thanks for your bigbig bear hug. means the world to me. and all the nice words you always always say. ladeedum. where's yuan btw. he's. disappeared. ((: yupp.
went out with jesso today! hahaha. watched saw. omg i had sucha hard time trying to convince the ticketing guy that im above 16. thats what you get for watching at ps! so strict! they check twice! but as long as i get my tickets, i know what to do! haha. anyway. it's a SICK show. but nevertheless, a very very smart show. the directors these days, getting very good at twists. it was action from the very start to the very end. at no point was it draggy...i think. haha. and the two guys sitting next to us- gosh, they kept looking at the screen, then every 5 minutes, they'll turn at look at us. then they'll smile and start talking. like, really. thats so lame. but the plot was so smartly crafted. i really applaud that director. james wan, was it? (: jess and i walked out of the cinema TRAUMATIZED. ((:
then we saw hatshatshats! jess got a hat! and i've got my eyes on a red one. i dont have a red hat. it'd be cool. (: i can wear it with my favorite red striped skirt. me and my stripes. i should become a zebra one of these days. -.-
oh oh! then i had math at night. it was damn funny! cool to have tuition with tristan. HI TRISTAN! haha. it was realllly comical. my teacher was telling us the corniest jokes she heard on bbc. so much for studying, we kept laughing and laughing. haha. ((: i miss the 6L bunch! tristan loo will always be tristan loo! with the intelligent way he talks, even mdm ong's impressed. (: lets hope when the year starts, we can have tuition together, if our schedules permit. (: skipideedoodah.
alright. i think i'd better go keep my blue striped diary company. and to feed it with words, in case it gets hungry. sigh. that also means hello tears. havent seen you for a day. welcome back. i hope you'd be gone soon though. sigh. and the continuation of the terribly romantic story in my book. it's weird how only nicholas sparks can captivate me. no other author can. i still have two books by him that i havent read. (: im getting ungrammatical. must be the fatigue. alright. time to jump into my fantasy of theresa and garrett, and their undying love story. haha. (:
and lenard! continue to leave notes! hahaha.
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
yess lenard. i like getting notes from you a lot! haha. stop calling me crazy. or silly. or foolish. haha. and it's NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT. and im sorry i wasnt home today. so didnt really getta talk to you.
guess what. im still not happy. i really dont know what's my problem. sure, it feels like theres a load off my shoulder. i feel more relaxed. but still. im still suppressing my feelings. jess can vouch for that. she's been telling me the whole of today, that i've been trying my very best to look happy, but it's not exactly very convincing. greaattt right. -.- so im suppressing im suppressing. but sometimes it's so hard. when im alone in my room like past midnight. everything's quiet, and im alone with my thoughts. i cant help but feel the tears welling up, as i write in my pretty blue striped diary about what a beautiful day it was, but yet, sigh.
indeed, im still suppressing. i am i really am.
ugh. i cant regret it. i cant i cant. but i am, right? but since i've made the decision, and i know its the best for us. i cant regret it. i really cant.
haha the bear's my only refuge! (:
ohh ohh. i just heard! gabriel read my entry on him! HAHAHAHA. *rolls on the floor laughing* HI GABRIEL! *breaks into fits of laughter* serves you right! yeah and im SURE 165's not short. hahahahaha. (okay lenard dont scold me). cause i really wont start dissing you, if you started making stories abt me, and i dont even know what i've done to offend you. or else i'd really say sorry. but im sorry you get your own medicine.
ooh and i saw derek today! damnn after i left jess, so you didnt getta see him! ((: anyway he's sucha pie! okay i mean a sweet one. haha. sorry der i know it's quite an insult to put you in the same paragraph as a jerk. but ahh. dont want my paragraphs to be so short. (: hes too loser for my shoes. (: anw der thanks for your bigbig bear hug. means the world to me. and all the nice words you always always say. ladeedum. where's yuan btw. he's. disappeared. ((: yupp.
went out with jesso today! hahaha. watched saw. omg i had sucha hard time trying to convince the ticketing guy that im above 16. thats what you get for watching at ps! so strict! they check twice! but as long as i get my tickets, i know what to do! haha. anyway. it's a SICK show. but nevertheless, a very very smart show. the directors these days, getting very good at twists. it was action from the very start to the very end. at no point was it draggy...i think. haha. and the two guys sitting next to us- gosh, they kept looking at the screen, then every 5 minutes, they'll turn at look at us. then they'll smile and start talking. like, really. thats so lame. but the plot was so smartly crafted. i really applaud that director. james wan, was it? (: jess and i walked out of the cinema TRAUMATIZED. ((:
then we saw hatshatshats! jess got a hat! and i've got my eyes on a red one. i dont have a red hat. it'd be cool. (: i can wear it with my favorite red striped skirt. me and my stripes. i should become a zebra one of these days. -.-
oh oh! then i had math at night. it was damn funny! cool to have tuition with tristan. HI TRISTAN! haha. it was realllly comical. my teacher was telling us the corniest jokes she heard on bbc. so much for studying, we kept laughing and laughing. haha. ((: i miss the 6L bunch! tristan loo will always be tristan loo! with the intelligent way he talks, even mdm ong's impressed. (: lets hope when the year starts, we can have tuition together, if our schedules permit. (: skipideedoodah.
alright. i think i'd better go keep my blue striped diary company. and to feed it with words, in case it gets hungry. sigh. that also means hello tears. havent seen you for a day. welcome back. i hope you'd be gone soon though. sigh. and the continuation of the terribly romantic story in my book. it's weird how only nicholas sparks can captivate me. no other author can. i still have two books by him that i havent read. (: im getting ungrammatical. must be the fatigue. alright. time to jump into my fantasy of theresa and garrett, and their undying love story. haha. (:
and lenard! continue to leave notes! hahaha.
i've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life i've waited
this is true
you get me high`
8:00 AM
8:00 AM
Monday, November 29
and i thank all that have been so sweet these two days.
lenard, leave more notes! haha. (:
i love all of you guys!
and yeah i still love you.
lenard, leave more notes! haha. (:
i love all of you guys!
and yeah i still love you.
you get me high`
8:05 AM
8:05 AM
[yesterday once more]
ah. yay i downloaded the friend's episode with brad pitt in it. haha. (: my gosh is he charming. haha. and he's so funny in the show! ahh. breath taking. (:
hmm. i completed my almost 2000 word email to gary in the end. phew that took a very long time. and my habit of being super random's coming back again. my email to him, was like, beating around the bush. substantiating my points. and i'm starting to feel a bit like a grandmummy. haha. nagging. it's not good to have a brother who states his point. and spends the rest of the time backing up his point. it's very influential.
and i just got off the phone wit mrs pey! my uh. former form teacher, who went on maternal leave, and left us with lim shoeeelin. and thus our math all went downhill. (im really not saying pey was great. but she left us with worse) ahh well. she called for i really dont know what reason. she didnt call annalyn. i wonder who else she called man. i guess the main drift was to applaud me for my improvement. but really, she didnt have to call. so im like. ah. trying to be as polite as possible. asked her how she was. how her kid's doing. and she, being pey, kept going on and on, about how he's like. very big. i think 3 mths, and he's 7+++ kg. (like, i so needed to know that) haha. but she's very nice larh. (:
so we talked today. we did. you read my blog didnt you? o.o i dont know. but argh. i still dont know larhhhh. i dont know i dont know. its painful. if i give this whole thing up. we'll both only end up in miseries. am i not right. but if i dont. i'll end up being even more flustered with the world, cause im just so pressured. i think i'll just break down. so what! what do i do now! anyone cares to enlighten me. i know there's always that option of breaking it off. but do i want it. do i do i? argh. i feel so helpless.
yay i got my date wit nicholas tan xue wei. (: okay i take that back. not date. day. haha. but i've gotta meet him at NINE in the morning. till two. cause the boy has to swim at 3. every damn day. -.- im happy. (: next monday. after roughly 5,6 months. i havent seen his shadow. i can give him the shirt i got him from suzhou. for his france trip cause he'll never wear it in sg. haha. what movie to watch. i've watched the incredibles, but he wants to watch that. ladeedum. i'll see i'll see.
okay you see what i mean by being random. IT'S BACK. dang. maybe after this whole crisis, i can be more coherent. (: tomorrow. meeting either jess or cy. haha. ugh i cant make up my mind. cause im fine with both! it's either tmr jess, day after tmr cy, or the other way round. like, great right. one of you guys just choose!
oh and hi yeeying. ((: thanks for dropping by!
you make me high
ah. yay i downloaded the friend's episode with brad pitt in it. haha. (: my gosh is he charming. haha. and he's so funny in the show! ahh. breath taking. (:
hmm. i completed my almost 2000 word email to gary in the end. phew that took a very long time. and my habit of being super random's coming back again. my email to him, was like, beating around the bush. substantiating my points. and i'm starting to feel a bit like a grandmummy. haha. nagging. it's not good to have a brother who states his point. and spends the rest of the time backing up his point. it's very influential.
and i just got off the phone wit mrs pey! my uh. former form teacher, who went on maternal leave, and left us with lim shoeeelin. and thus our math all went downhill. (im really not saying pey was great. but she left us with worse) ahh well. she called for i really dont know what reason. she didnt call annalyn. i wonder who else she called man. i guess the main drift was to applaud me for my improvement. but really, she didnt have to call. so im like. ah. trying to be as polite as possible. asked her how she was. how her kid's doing. and she, being pey, kept going on and on, about how he's like. very big. i think 3 mths, and he's 7+++ kg. (like, i so needed to know that) haha. but she's very nice larh. (:
so we talked today. we did. you read my blog didnt you? o.o i dont know. but argh. i still dont know larhhhh. i dont know i dont know. its painful. if i give this whole thing up. we'll both only end up in miseries. am i not right. but if i dont. i'll end up being even more flustered with the world, cause im just so pressured. i think i'll just break down. so what! what do i do now! anyone cares to enlighten me. i know there's always that option of breaking it off. but do i want it. do i do i? argh. i feel so helpless.
yay i got my date wit nicholas tan xue wei. (: okay i take that back. not date. day. haha. but i've gotta meet him at NINE in the morning. till two. cause the boy has to swim at 3. every damn day. -.- im happy. (: next monday. after roughly 5,6 months. i havent seen his shadow. i can give him the shirt i got him from suzhou. for his france trip cause he'll never wear it in sg. haha. what movie to watch. i've watched the incredibles, but he wants to watch that. ladeedum. i'll see i'll see.
okay you see what i mean by being random. IT'S BACK. dang. maybe after this whole crisis, i can be more coherent. (: tomorrow. meeting either jess or cy. haha. ugh i cant make up my mind. cause im fine with both! it's either tmr jess, day after tmr cy, or the other way round. like, great right. one of you guys just choose!
oh and hi yeeying. ((: thanks for dropping by!
you make me high
you get me high`
4:22 AM
4:22 AM
Sunday, November 28
[breathe no more]
it's been awhile since i've felt like this. quite a while, really. to muff, he'll probably be saying how im always stressed and etc. and yeah i AM stressed. but it's different this time. it's just. so different.
maybe this is what i get after trying out something new in life.
yeah i took this step to feel uh. slightly happier. i was supposed to. and i did. but just for those first few days. afterwhich, everything's just different. it's not how i want it to be. everything's coming out wrong. the words. the feelings. the emotions. the tears, they just flow. like some uncontrollable river. that doesnt. stop. flowing. i know a lot of people are gonna end up reading this entry. cause i wasnt in the mood to talk, to chat, with people i usually talk to. im only opening up to cy, i dont know why. he's just someone i trust. which is weird, cause it's not as though he's closer to me than lenard is. or anyone. sigh. it's just me isnt it, haha.
i've cried so much, it actually feels funny. like. a bit of a joke. the worse thing is, i dont know why im crying. i cant put them out in words. my conversation with cy was mostly sound effects. haha. like. AHH. he's so. AHH. yeahh. not me, at all. i dont know what's gone wrong. i dont know why im feeling this way. i dont know why the whole world's turning, and somehow, i just cant commit.
it's so suffocating. everytime i think about it. it's not cause i dont love him. i do, i really do. but it's so pressurizing. i cant take it. everything's staring me in the face, and dissing me to my dreads. i feel like i'm falling. without anyone to support me. i just keep falling. i smile, but my heart aches. i laugh, but im crying inside. mum's been a pain. a very uncomprehensible pain. im breaking into pieces. with nothing to hold me together. i love my friends a lot. i really do. but they just dont seem to be helping this time. i need something more. a higher power. [oh talk abt macbeth and his higher power. laughs]
all the little pieces falling... shatter
i say i love you. but i dont know how much i mean it. if i take what kate said, i dont mean it at all. but i do. just that. ah. i dont know. see this is what happens when i dont know how to express feelings in words. everything comes out random. ah dang. it just really hasnt been a good day. i wanna talk to you about it. but i dont know how you'll take it. you might misinterpret me. you might misunderstand. and i cant risk that. i didnt forsee this coming. i was impulsive. i never am. never. what caused the change, im really puzzled.
shard of me, really too sharp to put back together
i give up. i'll continue trying to express myself next time. till i figure everything out.
for now. today. i love dance. not dancing for two weeks while in jiangnan was probably the hardest thing i had to do. haha. pat was a bit weird today. but the dance was awfully lush. (tho the past two weeks' ones were nicer. damnn) gotta hand in that darn cheque, then jazz'll start. haha. double doze a week, i can hardly wait! i've never seen justis so friendly before. it's scary. haha. whatever happened to mr im-too-cool-for-my-shoes.
church was. a bit lame. we played games. really weird ones. like human puzzles. it WAS really challenging, but the whole concept was really cheezy. haha. lance was being sucha joker. but arent you my girl! coming from him. is just plain wrong. yz camp's at sentosa. wth. i was hoping it was in church, for goodness sakes. ugh and ryan said he's not ever coming to yz again! he'll just go for service. i almost flipped. how can we not have ryan in yz. it's plain wrong. ahhh hope he isnt serious.
okay lar. i dont know what im blogging. it's 1am and im really tired. but i gotta go read my nicenice book. (: nicholas sparks really rocks.
i cant believe you chose someone like me
it's been awhile since i've felt like this. quite a while, really. to muff, he'll probably be saying how im always stressed and etc. and yeah i AM stressed. but it's different this time. it's just. so different.
maybe this is what i get after trying out something new in life.
yeah i took this step to feel uh. slightly happier. i was supposed to. and i did. but just for those first few days. afterwhich, everything's just different. it's not how i want it to be. everything's coming out wrong. the words. the feelings. the emotions. the tears, they just flow. like some uncontrollable river. that doesnt. stop. flowing. i know a lot of people are gonna end up reading this entry. cause i wasnt in the mood to talk, to chat, with people i usually talk to. im only opening up to cy, i dont know why. he's just someone i trust. which is weird, cause it's not as though he's closer to me than lenard is. or anyone. sigh. it's just me isnt it, haha.
i've cried so much, it actually feels funny. like. a bit of a joke. the worse thing is, i dont know why im crying. i cant put them out in words. my conversation with cy was mostly sound effects. haha. like. AHH. he's so. AHH. yeahh. not me, at all. i dont know what's gone wrong. i dont know why im feeling this way. i dont know why the whole world's turning, and somehow, i just cant commit.
it's so suffocating. everytime i think about it. it's not cause i dont love him. i do, i really do. but it's so pressurizing. i cant take it. everything's staring me in the face, and dissing me to my dreads. i feel like i'm falling. without anyone to support me. i just keep falling. i smile, but my heart aches. i laugh, but im crying inside. mum's been a pain. a very uncomprehensible pain. im breaking into pieces. with nothing to hold me together. i love my friends a lot. i really do. but they just dont seem to be helping this time. i need something more. a higher power. [oh talk abt macbeth and his higher power. laughs]
all the little pieces falling... shatter
i say i love you. but i dont know how much i mean it. if i take what kate said, i dont mean it at all. but i do. just that. ah. i dont know. see this is what happens when i dont know how to express feelings in words. everything comes out random. ah dang. it just really hasnt been a good day. i wanna talk to you about it. but i dont know how you'll take it. you might misinterpret me. you might misunderstand. and i cant risk that. i didnt forsee this coming. i was impulsive. i never am. never. what caused the change, im really puzzled.
shard of me, really too sharp to put back together
i give up. i'll continue trying to express myself next time. till i figure everything out.
for now. today. i love dance. not dancing for two weeks while in jiangnan was probably the hardest thing i had to do. haha. pat was a bit weird today. but the dance was awfully lush. (tho the past two weeks' ones were nicer. damnn) gotta hand in that darn cheque, then jazz'll start. haha. double doze a week, i can hardly wait! i've never seen justis so friendly before. it's scary. haha. whatever happened to mr im-too-cool-for-my-shoes.
church was. a bit lame. we played games. really weird ones. like human puzzles. it WAS really challenging, but the whole concept was really cheezy. haha. lance was being sucha joker. but arent you my girl! coming from him. is just plain wrong. yz camp's at sentosa. wth. i was hoping it was in church, for goodness sakes. ugh and ryan said he's not ever coming to yz again! he'll just go for service. i almost flipped. how can we not have ryan in yz. it's plain wrong. ahhh hope he isnt serious.
okay lar. i dont know what im blogging. it's 1am and im really tired. but i gotta go read my nicenice book. (: nicholas sparks really rocks.
i cant believe you chose someone like me
you get me high`
8:37 AM
8:37 AM
Friday, November 26
[when you say you love me]
whoosh. just got back from the jay chou concert. and it was like. a blast! he sounds pretty darn good live. just like blue. and derek. ((: xuegao was right, he dances pretty well. haha. it's all in the grooove. and he has a PINK baby grand. AHH I WANT. it's gorgeous. anyway im all hyped up and high now. but i just took my medicine. so im gonna get drowsy pretty damn soon. speaking of which, haha, my voice is so hoarse, i sound like xiaoyu and denise when we were in jiangnan. 'is my voice sexxyy?' hahahaha. denise's dare. so cute. but it's weird, though, cause i didnt scream as much as uhh. say, blue's concert? and after blue i was perfectly fine. >.< weirdo.
as i type, my bro's hamsters are fighting over the wheel. how cute.
mm i cant stand people who swear as part of their daily language. it's really... low. and how some people dont understand the simplest of languages. i visited someone's blog. and realised some stuff said about me... were not exactly... accurate. so i just state my point, that hey you know. this and this, not true. nott true. then i get bloody smacked in the face, for intentions i didnt have. talk about throwing my tantrum. ha, funny. shallow people do shallow things. still dare to talk so loud. poof. ri ruggers arh. really. -.- nothing but childish.
OH i just found out something very interesting! glenn ang took pictures at his grad night! woo! it's been ages since i've seen his shadow. or even mentioned his name. (: click here to see them! haha and my ex-kor, john, looks very... haha. ahh. the good old days just come sweeping by. it's already gonna be dec 2004. while im still missing dec 2003. haha. the good times i had talking to john and glenn. when glenn hadnt become a bastard. he was one of the nicest guys i knew! guess things are different now. i kinda miss his REALLY CHEEZY grin. you can spot that in the pictures! haha. ahh well. things have changed. move on kelly, move on. (:
ugh im so irritated with mozilla. and IE. so now i dont know which one to use. mozille keeps denying my entry into some sites. not till i keep clicking and clicking, will it be back to normal. while IE just. keeps. hanging. damn annoying. ive been trying to upload the jiangnan pictures since i got back. and each server keeps crashing on me. whether it's webshots, shutterfly, or photobucket. fine. maybe it's cause i have 200+++ pictures. but STILL. shutterfly should be able to hold it. grr. grr. pissing me off.
okayokay bed time. yay i'll getta see him tmr. ((: night.
dont love me for fun
whoosh. just got back from the jay chou concert. and it was like. a blast! he sounds pretty darn good live. just like blue. and derek. ((: xuegao was right, he dances pretty well. haha. it's all in the grooove. and he has a PINK baby grand. AHH I WANT. it's gorgeous. anyway im all hyped up and high now. but i just took my medicine. so im gonna get drowsy pretty damn soon. speaking of which, haha, my voice is so hoarse, i sound like xiaoyu and denise when we were in jiangnan. 'is my voice sexxyy?' hahahaha. denise's dare. so cute. but it's weird, though, cause i didnt scream as much as uhh. say, blue's concert? and after blue i was perfectly fine. >.< weirdo.
as i type, my bro's hamsters are fighting over the wheel. how cute.
mm i cant stand people who swear as part of their daily language. it's really... low. and how some people dont understand the simplest of languages. i visited someone's blog. and realised some stuff said about me... were not exactly... accurate. so i just state my point, that hey you know. this and this, not true. nott true. then i get bloody smacked in the face, for intentions i didnt have. talk about throwing my tantrum. ha, funny. shallow people do shallow things. still dare to talk so loud. poof. ri ruggers arh. really. -.- nothing but childish.
OH i just found out something very interesting! glenn ang took pictures at his grad night! woo! it's been ages since i've seen his shadow. or even mentioned his name. (: click here to see them! haha and my ex-kor, john, looks very... haha. ahh. the good old days just come sweeping by. it's already gonna be dec 2004. while im still missing dec 2003. haha. the good times i had talking to john and glenn. when glenn hadnt become a bastard. he was one of the nicest guys i knew! guess things are different now. i kinda miss his REALLY CHEEZY grin. you can spot that in the pictures! haha. ahh well. things have changed. move on kelly, move on. (:
ugh im so irritated with mozilla. and IE. so now i dont know which one to use. mozille keeps denying my entry into some sites. not till i keep clicking and clicking, will it be back to normal. while IE just. keeps. hanging. damn annoying. ive been trying to upload the jiangnan pictures since i got back. and each server keeps crashing on me. whether it's webshots, shutterfly, or photobucket. fine. maybe it's cause i have 200+++ pictures. but STILL. shutterfly should be able to hold it. grr. grr. pissing me off.
okayokay bed time. yay i'll getta see him tmr. ((: night.
dont love me for fun
you get me high`
9:11 AM
9:11 AM
Thursday, November 25
oh goodie she's not pisssed with me.
you get me high`
10:11 PM
10:11 PM
Wednesday, November 24
[tell me why]
okay i realise ive been blogging a lot these days. >.<
but this entry has a purpose. cause i really dont know what i did to my senior, and as a result, she starts to ignore me.
the worse thing is, she's one of the closest seniors i have.
whatever happened to all the "lets go shopping after my Os" plans? well that was surely one thing i was looking forward to. i think out of these 3 years ive been in choir. i've only talked to her and stace so much. but i talked to stace for one year. i talked to you for three years my dear. im not even as close to limmy and velda as i am with you. >.< i share my secrets with you and viceversa, we talk about anything under the sun.
so why ivee, what did i do. could you at least care to tell me? then if im really in the wrong, i'll either screw off, or try to seek your forgiveness? i just needa know what in the blue hell i did. why? cause frm what i remembered, i've never done said anything against you. whether in front or behind your back. maybe i was too careless and insensitive, i did something that might have upset you, and i didnt know. so please please i beg you, enlighten me. i dont believe my friendship with you cannot withstand... this. maybe im just thinking too much, and you're not ignoring me. but NO! ivee doesnt not talk to me. she doesnt not reply my tags. i cant be that off.
poof. whatever it is, im sorry. and you'll always always be my dearest ivee.
i guess im starting to adjust back to what's supposed to be familiar. haha.
after those 9 days, familiar's more like that rather dark hotel room. with striped walls. the walks from B block to A block through the backdoor. and when it's too late, gotta take the whole long route to the front. that nice-to-slide-on brown couch at the lobby. with the mutated colored fleurs. flowers, i mean. and that table in the banquet cum restaurant thingamajig where we sang NANPINGWANZHONG with all the singing khakis. and the waiters and waitresses being fully entertained by us. the late night calls. bridge games. dare or dare. running away from tk wong. yup. oh and annalyn and my laughter seeping through all the walls, making tk wong think that there're lots of pple in our room.
well i guess all these, bang! should fit under the 'unfamiliar' catergory. yup. anyway i should be happy. back here, i can dance. i can do whatever i want. just with mum ALWAYS at the side scolding me. which reminds me, ive gotta hand in that cheque! jess you too. then it'd be jazz and hiphop. good, something i look forward to everyday.
ladeedum. yay im going to have fisheroos wit jess today. yipppee. wah i really shouldnt have told daryl i know his pw and username. now he's gonna change it. ahhhh. stupid. its quite cool to know that all the people who've added me, from jiangnan, are all very nice pple. very intelligent too, i must add. esp when weizhong talks abt his cheemology stuff. haha.
alright i think i'd better get going. it's 1153 and i need my breakfast. ((: haha.
joy to the fishes in the deepbluesea
okay i realise ive been blogging a lot these days. >.<
but this entry has a purpose. cause i really dont know what i did to my senior, and as a result, she starts to ignore me.
the worse thing is, she's one of the closest seniors i have.
whatever happened to all the "lets go shopping after my Os" plans? well that was surely one thing i was looking forward to. i think out of these 3 years ive been in choir. i've only talked to her and stace so much. but i talked to stace for one year. i talked to you for three years my dear. im not even as close to limmy and velda as i am with you. >.< i share my secrets with you and viceversa, we talk about anything under the sun.
so why ivee, what did i do. could you at least care to tell me? then if im really in the wrong, i'll either screw off, or try to seek your forgiveness? i just needa know what in the blue hell i did. why? cause frm what i remembered, i've never done said anything against you. whether in front or behind your back. maybe i was too careless and insensitive, i did something that might have upset you, and i didnt know. so please please i beg you, enlighten me. i dont believe my friendship with you cannot withstand... this. maybe im just thinking too much, and you're not ignoring me. but NO! ivee doesnt not talk to me. she doesnt not reply my tags. i cant be that off.
poof. whatever it is, im sorry. and you'll always always be my dearest ivee.
i guess im starting to adjust back to what's supposed to be familiar. haha.
after those 9 days, familiar's more like that rather dark hotel room. with striped walls. the walks from B block to A block through the backdoor. and when it's too late, gotta take the whole long route to the front. that nice-to-slide-on brown couch at the lobby. with the mutated colored fleurs. flowers, i mean. and that table in the banquet cum restaurant thingamajig where we sang NANPINGWANZHONG with all the singing khakis. and the waiters and waitresses being fully entertained by us. the late night calls. bridge games. dare or dare. running away from tk wong. yup. oh and annalyn and my laughter seeping through all the walls, making tk wong think that there're lots of pple in our room.
well i guess all these, bang! should fit under the 'unfamiliar' catergory. yup. anyway i should be happy. back here, i can dance. i can do whatever i want. just with mum ALWAYS at the side scolding me. which reminds me, ive gotta hand in that cheque! jess you too. then it'd be jazz and hiphop. good, something i look forward to everyday.
ladeedum. yay im going to have fisheroos wit jess today. yipppee. wah i really shouldnt have told daryl i know his pw and username. now he's gonna change it. ahhhh. stupid. its quite cool to know that all the people who've added me, from jiangnan, are all very nice pple. very intelligent too, i must add. esp when weizhong talks abt his cheemology stuff. haha.
alright i think i'd better get going. it's 1153 and i need my breakfast. ((: haha.
joy to the fishes in the deepbluesea
you get me high`
7:27 PM
7:27 PM
[pointless nostalgia]
okay it's funny, that im suffering from post-china depression. okay that was quote from gloria's blog. haha.
yesyes sabby! you found your way to my guestbook, HOW BRILLIANT, you cute cheat champion. haha. ((: slow arh! but yesyes we'll go out as b3! then blue bus! oooh it'd be so so fun. (((: hiiii chay! yeahyeah go out go out! haha. *bounces* happy happy me.
talking to like. a lot of pple in a window now. all the jiangnan people. and the conversation's moving VERY VERY quickly. ((:
oh yay i added sean. thats one more on the list! but actually, i dont think i added anyone else except him. they all added me. >.< ladeedum.
oh hi derekkk! urmm. i'll try k? i havent seen you for AGES too! (((: you and yuan. ladeeda. soon soon. like. december. promisee. ((:
*bounce bounce*
didnt do much today. bummed around. packed everything. yeah! such an accomplishment. ((: blahblah. still feeling quite sick. ahh all because of the icecream yesterday huhhh. haha. (: nvm.
okay i dont really know what to say. but lenard if you read this.
youuuu DAHDAH. its not my fault. stupid person. bleagh you. and im supposed to be your other best friend. poof.
haha alright cheerios.
oh and to YOU! i love you! ((:
walking in the rain
okay it's funny, that im suffering from post-china depression. okay that was quote from gloria's blog. haha.
yesyes sabby! you found your way to my guestbook, HOW BRILLIANT, you cute cheat champion. haha. ((: slow arh! but yesyes we'll go out as b3! then blue bus! oooh it'd be so so fun. (((: hiiii chay! yeahyeah go out go out! haha. *bounces* happy happy me.
talking to like. a lot of pple in a window now. all the jiangnan people. and the conversation's moving VERY VERY quickly. ((:
oh yay i added sean. thats one more on the list! but actually, i dont think i added anyone else except him. they all added me. >.< ladeedum.
oh hi derekkk! urmm. i'll try k? i havent seen you for AGES too! (((: you and yuan. ladeeda. soon soon. like. december. promisee. ((:
*bounce bounce*
didnt do much today. bummed around. packed everything. yeah! such an accomplishment. ((: blahblah. still feeling quite sick. ahh all because of the icecream yesterday huhhh. haha. (: nvm.
okay i dont really know what to say. but lenard if you read this.
youuuu DAHDAH. its not my fault. stupid person. bleagh you. and im supposed to be your other best friend. poof.
haha alright cheerios.
oh and to YOU! i love you! ((:
walking in the rain
you get me high`
6:13 AM
6:13 AM
Tuesday, November 23
yay. to all my friends, esp the jiangnan ones. (:
if you want a friend that's here to stay
i swear i'll never walk away
you gave me wings
and made me fly
no one understands me as much
as my friend here who cares so much
i know you'll take away my tears
you're the special one- my friend
dumdumdeedee.
if you want a friend that's here to stay
i swear i'll never walk away
you gave me wings
and made me fly
no one understands me as much
as my friend here who cares so much
i know you'll take away my tears
you're the special one- my friend
dumdumdeedee.
you get me high`
8:08 PM
8:08 PM
[im missing you]
ahh this is so heartwrenching.
im jumping around other pple's blogs, and my gosh we all miss jiangnan so so much. i was reading weizhong's blog. it almost put me in tears. haha. he's so cute. how he slowly portrayed everything out, into questions that cannot be answered. read keanyung's blog too. everyone misses everything. even the oh-so-fragrant toilets are not spared. haha.
i feel guilty i cant blog properly cause im quite sick. i really wanna take everything down. all the events. and blog them properly. like the time ling said, "AIYAH CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!" and she was actually talking to jinghua, but in the end, all the guys behind said okok sorry. haha. it was really really hilarious. and the mutated barney song, that i just kept laughing to.
daryl's right. we ARE retarded gay and mad. thats why they didnt really wanna talk to us. ladeedum. hahahaha.
oh and all the rumours. denise and her lookalike. haha. they do look sweet together, i feel. (: xiaoyu with juanhe and youkai. all these itty-bitty details made the trip more exciting. and nevertheless, terribly memorable. ooh and how zhiwen switched places with xiaoyu on the plane. dont know why he did that too. but xiaoyu chased him away and sposedly 'whispered', however very loudly, "hes ATTACHED". haha. like, okay so what. and that sonic guy's hair. with joanna always so amused, and even saying hi to him. (: oh and his hair's always blocking someone. hahaha. and the green bus girls, taking pictures with almost all the guys. sonic. ann liang. everyone. haha. super cute.
the tour guides, always having a 'xiao' in front of their names, then followed by jiejie. from xiao zhong jiejie to xiao shi jiejie. and haha xiao shi jiejie was never a very nice name. haha. shi1 shi2 shi3 shi4. okay nvm. maybe only ling'll know what im talking about. OH YES. and wei ling laoshi's NONSTOP NANPING BELL-ing! hahahhaa. we sang it like. half a million times. so much so that when im saying my prayer at night, the melody of "NAN PING WAN ZHONGGGG" kept playing. darn irritating. but as always, memorable. oh and how weiling laoshi would torture the guide by asking her to sing many many times, and explaining the lyrics, then singing it over and over again. boy she must have been so irritated, cause i knw i'd be.
the dreaded long bus rides, stupid songs, absolutely corny jokes, gay moments, i really wanna be back in jiangnan. i wouldnt change anything if i had the power to. and to think i thought it'd be draggy.
i love the jiangnan trip! i love everyone that went for it, esp pple on the bus! and ahh i really hope we can all stay in contact. ((:
i really need rest. haha. (: blog again soon.
she will be loved (:
ahh this is so heartwrenching.
im jumping around other pple's blogs, and my gosh we all miss jiangnan so so much. i was reading weizhong's blog. it almost put me in tears. haha. he's so cute. how he slowly portrayed everything out, into questions that cannot be answered. read keanyung's blog too. everyone misses everything. even the oh-so-fragrant toilets are not spared. haha.
i feel guilty i cant blog properly cause im quite sick. i really wanna take everything down. all the events. and blog them properly. like the time ling said, "AIYAH CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!" and she was actually talking to jinghua, but in the end, all the guys behind said okok sorry. haha. it was really really hilarious. and the mutated barney song, that i just kept laughing to.
daryl's right. we ARE retarded gay and mad. thats why they didnt really wanna talk to us. ladeedum. hahahaha.
oh and all the rumours. denise and her lookalike. haha. they do look sweet together, i feel. (: xiaoyu with juanhe and youkai. all these itty-bitty details made the trip more exciting. and nevertheless, terribly memorable. ooh and how zhiwen switched places with xiaoyu on the plane. dont know why he did that too. but xiaoyu chased him away and sposedly 'whispered', however very loudly, "hes ATTACHED". haha. like, okay so what. and that sonic guy's hair. with joanna always so amused, and even saying hi to him. (: oh and his hair's always blocking someone. hahaha. and the green bus girls, taking pictures with almost all the guys. sonic. ann liang. everyone. haha. super cute.
the tour guides, always having a 'xiao' in front of their names, then followed by jiejie. from xiao zhong jiejie to xiao shi jiejie. and haha xiao shi jiejie was never a very nice name. haha. shi1 shi2 shi3 shi4. okay nvm. maybe only ling'll know what im talking about. OH YES. and wei ling laoshi's NONSTOP NANPING BELL-ing! hahahhaa. we sang it like. half a million times. so much so that when im saying my prayer at night, the melody of "NAN PING WAN ZHONGGGG" kept playing. darn irritating. but as always, memorable. oh and how weiling laoshi would torture the guide by asking her to sing many many times, and explaining the lyrics, then singing it over and over again. boy she must have been so irritated, cause i knw i'd be.
the dreaded long bus rides, stupid songs, absolutely corny jokes, gay moments, i really wanna be back in jiangnan. i wouldnt change anything if i had the power to. and to think i thought it'd be draggy.
i love the jiangnan trip! i love everyone that went for it, esp pple on the bus! and ahh i really hope we can all stay in contact. ((:
i really need rest. haha. (: blog again soon.
she will be loved (:
you get me high`
4:43 AM
4:43 AM
Monday, November 22
[nan ping bellll]
im all back from my shanghai trip. (:
very urmmm eventful! (:
i wont bother blogging about every detail of the trip larh. it's too much.
besides ive been to most of the places already.
made a lot of very important friends in the trip! esp my group matess. shoutoutsss!
xiaoyuu! she's my two-four-six. my favoriiteeee! xiaoyu's so cuuute so pretty so everythingg. (: and she was there to talk to me throughout. so sweet. haha i love xiaoyuuuuuu.
sabby! cheat champion! she's DAMN CUTE. zoning and stoning. like there's a difference! (((: very comical. very very cute. (:
denisee! sweetheart! like the leader of the group. one i opened up a lot to. (: damn nice. a very responsible person. good leader. and comical too! (:
chayling! the quiet one. but a great listener. damn cute also. when we were playing bridge on e plane. xiaoyu and chay were so cute! haha comicallll.
jo! my dearest classmate. SHES SUCHA GOOD ACTRESS. she made a splendid zhuyingtai. (: really dramamama person, but she's sucha joy to have around!
ling haha wasnt really planning to add you in, since i always talk abt you. haha. but thanks for being a terribly funky roomie. and thanks for... that. haha. (:
all of us make the greatest group!
there were other friends i made. guys, girls. everyone. but these are the ones who made the most diff in e trip. oh and jotham's so cute. (: weizhong tooooo.
oh yeah. and must also thank iwan for teaching me bridge. (: he's PRO k. (:
this trip was enriching. it enhanced many friendships. though fine i was labelled the same thing im always labelled as, thanks ling for telling me anw. haha i will learn to keep my distance. i will. and ive made up my mind too. not just for me anyway. it'd make a difference to someone else. (: there's nothing wrong with being friendly, but i guess the way i was brought up, made my 'friendly', a bit over-friendly. haha. as long as one knows me well, one'll know im not what most think i am. (: ladeedum.
haii my throat hurts like helll. meetin jess tmr. how to have my fish and chips! at fisherooos. food in china wasnt the best. haha. dont know how the guys ate so much. haha.
i like destiny's child's new song. oh speaking of songs, his nick's truly madly deeply now. haha so cute. i should put mine as all or nothing. -.- hahhaa. dumdeedum. i didnt get my picture with mq. hmm.
(:
ladeedum. alright you know my throat's really bad i needa drink another jug of water. after 2 jugs. so im gonna scoot now. i cant believe chay xiaoyu and lwin's leaving notes in ling's blog and not visiting meee. hrmffff. -sniffs-
aiight see youu. and thanks muff for msging me tho i didnt reply sometimes!
cause i want it all or nothing at all
im all back from my shanghai trip. (:
very urmmm eventful! (:
i wont bother blogging about every detail of the trip larh. it's too much.
besides ive been to most of the places already.
made a lot of very important friends in the trip! esp my group matess. shoutoutsss!
xiaoyuu! she's my two-four-six. my favoriiteeee! xiaoyu's so cuuute so pretty so everythingg. (: and she was there to talk to me throughout. so sweet. haha i love xiaoyuuuuuu.
sabby! cheat champion! she's DAMN CUTE. zoning and stoning. like there's a difference! (((: very comical. very very cute. (:
denisee! sweetheart! like the leader of the group. one i opened up a lot to. (: damn nice. a very responsible person. good leader. and comical too! (:
chayling! the quiet one. but a great listener. damn cute also. when we were playing bridge on e plane. xiaoyu and chay were so cute! haha comicallll.
jo! my dearest classmate. SHES SUCHA GOOD ACTRESS. she made a splendid zhuyingtai. (: really dramamama person, but she's sucha joy to have around!
ling haha wasnt really planning to add you in, since i always talk abt you. haha. but thanks for being a terribly funky roomie. and thanks for... that. haha. (:
all of us make the greatest group!
there were other friends i made. guys, girls. everyone. but these are the ones who made the most diff in e trip. oh and jotham's so cute. (: weizhong tooooo.
oh yeah. and must also thank iwan for teaching me bridge. (: he's PRO k. (:
this trip was enriching. it enhanced many friendships. though fine i was labelled the same thing im always labelled as, thanks ling for telling me anw. haha i will learn to keep my distance. i will. and ive made up my mind too. not just for me anyway. it'd make a difference to someone else. (: there's nothing wrong with being friendly, but i guess the way i was brought up, made my 'friendly', a bit over-friendly. haha. as long as one knows me well, one'll know im not what most think i am. (: ladeedum.
haii my throat hurts like helll. meetin jess tmr. how to have my fish and chips! at fisherooos. food in china wasnt the best. haha. dont know how the guys ate so much. haha.
i like destiny's child's new song. oh speaking of songs, his nick's truly madly deeply now. haha so cute. i should put mine as all or nothing. -.- hahhaa. dumdeedum. i didnt get my picture with mq. hmm.
(:
ladeedum. alright you know my throat's really bad i needa drink another jug of water. after 2 jugs. so im gonna scoot now. i cant believe chay xiaoyu and lwin's leaving notes in ling's blog and not visiting meee. hrmffff. -sniffs-
aiight see youu. and thanks muff for msging me tho i didnt reply sometimes!
cause i want it all or nothing at all
you get me high`
5:41 AM
5:41 AM
Friday, November 12
just some of my favorite pictures.
by the way cyn's bday pics are uploaded already.
steph and i.
bnw my favoritee.
and now for some color...
ling and i.
ooh i like my hat. (:
sigh i wont be able to take pictures like these wit my new cam....
by the way cyn's bday pics are uploaded already.
steph and i.
bnw my favoritee.
and now for some color...
ling and i.
ooh i like my hat. (:
sigh i wont be able to take pictures like these wit my new cam....
you get me high`
6:28 AM
6:28 AM
[pero me acuerdo de ti]
hmm i used to really like that spanish song. haha.
will be flying to shanghai tmr morning.
ugh kinda dreading it. beats me.
i guess it's just the feeling of leaving home.
mum bought me a new digi cam today. im supposed to be happy.
but i really am not. -.-
crap shouldnt have wasted her cash. really shouldnt have.
point is, i switched from a v stable canon, to a slim but not stable at all konica. i was wrong, the konica's got better pixals, but ughhh it's damn hard to take a proper picture! it's not like... stable. my hands keep shaking.
ugh.
and taking clear pictures are SO important to me.
dadeee.
it's got some pretty cool functions tho.
to think mum bought it to make me happy, doesnt seem to be working.
darn it.
it's strange im actually gonna miss here.
or at least thats what i forsee.
partially cause im gonna miss two dance lessons (probably the biggest reason)
and it's like. away from home. alone. im blur. muddleheaded. and careless.
im not confident i can come back with everything i went with.
yes i AM careless.
ughhh.
alright this' just a stressful entry.
will take pictures (under gary's instructions. hehe)
hope i'll have fun.
msg me if you're bored cause i will be there.
you better wish that i have fun. -.-
WISH ME.
thanks der and yuan. haha.
AULD LANG SYNE
*sniggers.
hmm i used to really like that spanish song. haha.
will be flying to shanghai tmr morning.
ugh kinda dreading it. beats me.
i guess it's just the feeling of leaving home.
mum bought me a new digi cam today. im supposed to be happy.
but i really am not. -.-
crap shouldnt have wasted her cash. really shouldnt have.
point is, i switched from a v stable canon, to a slim but not stable at all konica. i was wrong, the konica's got better pixals, but ughhh it's damn hard to take a proper picture! it's not like... stable. my hands keep shaking.
ugh.
and taking clear pictures are SO important to me.
dadeee.
it's got some pretty cool functions tho.
to think mum bought it to make me happy, doesnt seem to be working.
darn it.
it's strange im actually gonna miss here.
or at least thats what i forsee.
partially cause im gonna miss two dance lessons (probably the biggest reason)
and it's like. away from home. alone. im blur. muddleheaded. and careless.
im not confident i can come back with everything i went with.
yes i AM careless.
ughhh.
alright this' just a stressful entry.
will take pictures (under gary's instructions. hehe)
hope i'll have fun.
msg me if you're bored cause i will be there.
you better wish that i have fun. -.-
WISH ME.
thanks der and yuan. haha.
AULD LANG SYNE
*sniggers.
you get me high`
6:19 AM
6:19 AM
Wednesday, November 10
[natural]
but baby it's just destiny's way
we should really burn RI. man have i been irritated these past few days. or at least, should i say, monday. sometimes i really pity mankind. due to inferiority, be it intellect, outlook, and even, height, we as mankind would resort to shallow measures such as putting people down.... because they are taller than you. -nods- sounds terribly ridiculous innit. sad to say, such people do exist in our social lives. a great example would be- gabriel goh. i hope i got his surname right. a nobody in this lonely school- raffles instituition. a wannabe, a rugger who doesnt live up to ruggers' names, and of course, nothing but a short, malay-looking guy. who really, has bad hair days practically every day! well one fine day, gabriel met this girl who happened to be taller than him. not very surprising, cause he's no taller than 165. which btw, isnt tall for a guy at all. thus, inferiority complex came along. he just had to put the girl down, to make himself seemBIGGER , which unfortunately didnt succeed. but anyway, he carried on his plan. he made up out-of-this-world stories, that seemed true to his friends at first. but if they were intelligent people, after some thought, they'd realise it sounded absolutely absurd! oh i forgot to mention. after carefully plotting what he thought were good yet humiliating stories, he scrambled back like a lil mouse to tell all his rugby khakis. trying, very hard, to make them believe him. and they believed him. which is why they're from ri, really. oh so the girl got pretty annoyed, and she went back to tell those rugby khakis the truth. nownow, wont that poor lil boy just seem oh so stupid? well, he is and he did. haha. and....okay i dont know how to continue... hmm.
haha. so basically. the moral of the story is that, dont force it if you just cant seem to grow. im sorry baby but it really IS just destiny's way.
it's all in the chemistry
oooh yeah. funfun. have i corrected his name? it aint vin tan, it's alvin tan. like, not much better. haha. anyway gary chen's been bugging me, by giving my alvin's contacts. email+hp. and really i dont see the use for it when i dont even know this guy. he only goes to buy hiphop class. hmmm yeah. and vice versa. so should i add him... or not? speaking of which, i'd be flying to shanghai on saturday, and AHH i wont be able to go for dance for twoo whole weekss. AH. that means no initial jogging with gary, no seeing jess alvin mingyao and other people, no singing WHENEVER WHEREVER to shakira. no twelve bucks every visit (which is good). no uhhh pat's screaming (it'd only be tk wong's), no funny justis, and AH no ANYTHING!
boohoohoo.
it's all so natural
hmm. had quite a few fun days.
yesterday. organised cyn's surprise bday bash. went wit jo steph and cyn to cine to eat first while kate prepped. uh had pastamania. haha i had a very fun time snapping photos. (: then uhh we went to shop. JO BOUGHT MY EARRINGS! GRRR. then neoprints. ladeedum. they turned out quite nice. jess i know which machines to usee! (: then yup made our way to east coast. funfunfun. cyn was delighted! haha we dunked her into the sea. so fun! and i had buckets of fun snapping pictures. thats why pictures are so precious, they capture the moment, sometimes we cant do that in our own heads. and i realised..
IM AN EXCELLENT PHOTOGRAPHER!!
hehehe.
alright then nikki's dinner. had to rush all the way down, and mum was lateee. she got lost for an hour. greatt innit. haha. anyway pizza hut at centrepoint. jess and i ate there with gary before so i knew where it was. was about... half an hour late. hehe sorry nikki. anyway it was fun! haha (: yippee. snapped pictures too. i like nikki's skirt a lot. but it wont suit me im sure. haha stripes stripes! ling looked as bored as usual. (: ladeedum. thanks for the dinner ah ma!
then today. choir in the morning. re-auditions. yay ms loo thinks ive found my diaphrgm, good pitching, just needa work on my resonance. but it aint fair cause i hadnt even warmed up my voice so i sounded really weird.
then met jess iwan and his cocky friend benjamin. watched cellular. it's STRESSFUL. action's STRESSFUL. horrors and comedies are the best. cant wait to watch saw and the incredibles. (: anyway after the movie walked around aimlessly. tried finding iwan's slippers. oh his cocky friend left. yet another ri guy who lives up to his name. i cant stand guys who THINK THEY"RE SO FUNNY when they're not. sigh. hopeless. then yeah said bye. and poof. got home at 530. yay early. ((:
i wanna go to wildwildwet. it looks like buckets and buckets of fun!!!
turn off the light
lay your head next to mine
but baby it's just destiny's way
we should really burn RI. man have i been irritated these past few days. or at least, should i say, monday. sometimes i really pity mankind. due to inferiority, be it intellect, outlook, and even, height, we as mankind would resort to shallow measures such as putting people down.... because they are taller than you. -nods- sounds terribly ridiculous innit. sad to say, such people do exist in our social lives. a great example would be- gabriel goh. i hope i got his surname right. a nobody in this lonely school- raffles instituition. a wannabe, a rugger who doesnt live up to ruggers' names, and of course, nothing but a short, malay-looking guy. who really, has bad hair days practically every day! well one fine day, gabriel met this girl who happened to be taller than him. not very surprising, cause he's no taller than 165. which btw, isnt tall for a guy at all. thus, inferiority complex came along. he just had to put the girl down, to make himself seem
haha. so basically. the moral of the story is that, dont force it if you just cant seem to grow. im sorry baby but it really IS just destiny's way.
it's all in the chemistry
oooh yeah. funfun. have i corrected his name? it aint vin tan, it's alvin tan. like, not much better. haha. anyway gary chen's been bugging me, by giving my alvin's contacts. email+hp. and really i dont see the use for it when i dont even know this guy. he only goes to buy hiphop class. hmmm yeah. and vice versa. so should i add him... or not? speaking of which, i'd be flying to shanghai on saturday, and AHH i wont be able to go for dance for twoo whole weekss. AH. that means no initial jogging with gary, no seeing jess alvin mingyao and other people, no singing WHENEVER WHEREVER to shakira. no twelve bucks every visit (which is good). no uhhh pat's screaming (it'd only be tk wong's), no funny justis, and AH no ANYTHING!
boohoohoo.
it's all so natural
hmm. had quite a few fun days.
yesterday. organised cyn's surprise bday bash. went wit jo steph and cyn to cine to eat first while kate prepped. uh had pastamania. haha i had a very fun time snapping photos. (: then uhh we went to shop. JO BOUGHT MY EARRINGS! GRRR. then neoprints. ladeedum. they turned out quite nice. jess i know which machines to usee! (: then yup made our way to east coast. funfunfun. cyn was delighted! haha we dunked her into the sea. so fun! and i had buckets of fun snapping pictures. thats why pictures are so precious, they capture the moment, sometimes we cant do that in our own heads. and i realised..
IM AN EXCELLENT PHOTOGRAPHER!!
hehehe.
alright then nikki's dinner. had to rush all the way down, and mum was lateee. she got lost for an hour. greatt innit. haha. anyway pizza hut at centrepoint. jess and i ate there with gary before so i knew where it was. was about... half an hour late. hehe sorry nikki. anyway it was fun! haha (: yippee. snapped pictures too. i like nikki's skirt a lot. but it wont suit me im sure. haha stripes stripes! ling looked as bored as usual. (: ladeedum. thanks for the dinner ah ma!
then today. choir in the morning. re-auditions. yay ms loo thinks ive found my diaphrgm, good pitching, just needa work on my resonance. but it aint fair cause i hadnt even warmed up my voice so i sounded really weird.
then met jess iwan and his cocky friend benjamin. watched cellular. it's STRESSFUL. action's STRESSFUL. horrors and comedies are the best. cant wait to watch saw and the incredibles. (: anyway after the movie walked around aimlessly. tried finding iwan's slippers. oh his cocky friend left. yet another ri guy who lives up to his name. i cant stand guys who THINK THEY"RE SO FUNNY when they're not. sigh. hopeless. then yeah said bye. and poof. got home at 530. yay early. ((:
i wanna go to wildwildwet. it looks like buckets and buckets of fun!!!
turn off the light
lay your head next to mine
you get me high`
6:02 AM
6:02 AM
Sunday, November 7
[the Father's love]
alright church was fantastic. i seldom say this. the speaker should come back more often. talked to us about worship. i actually left the room in tears. guess the message spoke to me. though the songs were slightly weird. haha. sat next to lance. he's a JOKER. too bad i wont be able to see him for like two weeks. cause of shanghai. maybe i'll get something for him there. for his bday. oh crap. speaking of which. cheryl yang and nikki's present! AND CYN'S!
dancedance. it was... cool. (: hahhaha i found out that guy's nameee. or at least i think so. vin. vin tan. what a... bad name. o.O IM SORRY. haha. anw jess, no larh it's not that. i just think he's kinda cute. and the way he dances too. AHH i cant find him on friendster. -.- that suckss. haha. dan can just go and diee. ugh. all these i-think-im-so-great people. that.. that... AH WEE too. even justis. JUSTIS said hi and bye. and justis' the really hip and cold type. haha. he's funny. ladeedum.
im beat. tired. ugh. gotta go back to school tmr. greeatt.
yup ciaoz. oh yeah jess, wanna go for the movie that im watching wit iwan on wednesday. we're trying to get... more pple. (: haha.
open the eyes of my heart Lord
alright church was fantastic. i seldom say this. the speaker should come back more often. talked to us about worship. i actually left the room in tears. guess the message spoke to me. though the songs were slightly weird. haha. sat next to lance. he's a JOKER. too bad i wont be able to see him for like two weeks. cause of shanghai. maybe i'll get something for him there. for his bday. oh crap. speaking of which. cheryl yang and nikki's present! AND CYN'S!
dancedance. it was... cool. (: hahhaha i found out that guy's nameee. or at least i think so. vin. vin tan. what a... bad name. o.O IM SORRY. haha. anw jess, no larh it's not that. i just think he's kinda cute. and the way he dances too. AHH i cant find him on friendster. -.- that suckss. haha. dan can just go and diee. ugh. all these i-think-im-so-great people. that.. that... AH WEE too. even justis. JUSTIS said hi and bye. and justis' the really hip and cold type. haha. he's funny. ladeedum.
im beat. tired. ugh. gotta go back to school tmr. greeatt.
yup ciaoz. oh yeah jess, wanna go for the movie that im watching wit iwan on wednesday. we're trying to get... more pple. (: haha.
open the eyes of my heart Lord
you get me high`
1:54 AM
1:54 AM
[for the love of you]
alright just a quick one, mum's LATE. and im gonna be LATE for church. grr. there's a guest band playing for worship today AND I DONT WANNA BE LATE.
...but i figure i will be.
uhh mum's back from australia. sydney. i love that place. dammit why didnt i tag along. oh yeah, cause i had stupid shark's tale to watch. sure sure. i remember how i used to walk down the streets during the first days of winter. ahh that nicely done up fish and chips store (im a fish and chips freak), and how they'd explain to us how the fish is made and everything. haha. pretty funny. unfortunately i just cant remember the street name. the image is so clear though.
ahh yes she bought me pretty pretty things. a nice french connection hat. a swavoski (uh i forgot how to spell it) necklace, and a pretty blouse. (:
speaking of which...
SHE"S HERE!
and im off.
toodles.
on the wings of love
alright just a quick one, mum's LATE. and im gonna be LATE for church. grr. there's a guest band playing for worship today AND I DONT WANNA BE LATE.
...but i figure i will be.
uhh mum's back from australia. sydney. i love that place. dammit why didnt i tag along. oh yeah, cause i had stupid shark's tale to watch. sure sure. i remember how i used to walk down the streets during the first days of winter. ahh that nicely done up fish and chips store (im a fish and chips freak), and how they'd explain to us how the fish is made and everything. haha. pretty funny. unfortunately i just cant remember the street name. the image is so clear though.
ahh yes she bought me pretty pretty things. a nice french connection hat. a swavoski (uh i forgot how to spell it) necklace, and a pretty blouse. (:
speaking of which...
SHE"S HERE!
and im off.
toodles.
on the wings of love
you get me high`
1:19 AM
1:19 AM
Thursday, November 4
[but im not ready to flyy]
yup im not. not at all.
i just realised how unprepared i am for some stuff. that i think i might been prepared for. it's very interesting.
lets say. for example. jess says according to some stuff, pisces, libra, and saggitaurus(how do you spell it) make the best girlfriends. much that i think that's true, haha, i really dont think im ready for it. haha. i mean honestly, jess, do u think you are? haha. its really odd.
hmm i dont remember what i did yesterday. *thinks very hard* okay i REALLY dont rmb. -.- OH! i went skating! i cant believe i forgot! -.- greaat. skating wit mq iwan and rucha. haha it was pretty fun. (: it was funny, i looked like i was going for dance, instead of skating. hmm. there was this girl in shorts and mq couldnt keep his EYES off her. haha. and this guy, i think he's a trainer, went up to her to teach her how to skate, for fear she might fall and cut herself. cause really, it's not funny when u cut yourself on ice. ooh. nice pple. haha. (:
then cha came over to watch moviess. the tale of two sisters, and honey. haha. we were SO tired, we just plonked in front of the tele. anw sisters' was STILL SO SCARY. but its very good to watch it again, when u know the truth that is supposedly revealed in the end, then u can make the links in the show. very useful. (: honey was just uhh so-so. maybe its cause we were really beatt. but i love jessica alba's danceee. haha. she's got a lot of attitude, and that makes her dances nice i guess. (: speaking of which... WHEN'S JAZZ GONNA STARTT.
today. uhh went to school to watch the media presentations. they were aiight larh. (: then ticketing for shark's tale. then dismissed.
okay uhh cha and i went to far east to have chicken rice. mmhmm. then met ling jamieee yang2 cherylsim. went to take neos! man how long has it been since i last took one! ((: anyway it turned out quite fly. yay. haha.
kay got to toapayoh. ohhh i forgot. i bought my darling earringss! ((: -grins- but they arent e pair that i fell in love with initially. sigh. sometimes i REALLY hate forever 21. the things get sold out there in one poof. =( anyway yes, we all watched sharktale. as a level. haha. pretty cool, we didnt hafta to pay. thing is, i think the movie's kinda shallow. like really. not much of a plot. quite a comedy tho. finding nemo was better. i wanna watch the incredibless! (((: haha. it looks totally cute. (: mm.
i realised im a sucker for animations and animals. and everything else other than human beings. im sure ive said this before. haha. cause today before we left school, they played a video on how the pple are killing sharks around the world, and tears just welled up. its SO bloody sad. they throw the sharks back in the water when they're half cut opened. and besides, sharks die when they cant swim. they suffocate. so by just cutting off their fins and putting them back in the water, it's nothing but cruelty. its not as tho e fins would be able to GROW BACK or something. thus, it's so evident that us humans are just nothing but cruel. so who cares abt all the bombing in the world, when sharks are dying. haha just like what lee said. who cares abt 9-11 when the elephants are dying? all these cruel pple should be put to death. no wait. tortured slowly. like cut off one limb at a time. slow death. just like what they're putting the sharks through.
anyway after the movie, went to the beach. (((: it was pretty nice there. just that it was low tide, so it wasnt as pretty as when i went with jess. stayed there till like 8. man it was FREEEEZING. and i mean freezing. haha i could've turned into an ice cube. (: but people were there to rescue. haha.
it kinda got me thinking. why should i care abt people like... him, when ive got so many people around me. sure, they're just friends. and so is he. just maybe a little more, otherwise, it's the same, really. why should he get so much more attention than the rest. shouldnt people who actually treat me good get more attention? like my 6Lers per say. lenard's always there when he knows im not very happy. and im really darn grateful for that. zh's always there to sweet talk, tho i usually wont like it, it really helps when you're feeling nothing but crap. nick, who's nv good at words, would do anything to make sure im feeling better. whether im sick or not. but of course, he know when im not happy cause yeah. he barely has time for anything. but you know, at least he tries. and i try not to talk to him abt unhappy things, cause time wit him is precious! (:
so all i can say is that i truly love my friends. jess' alwaysss talking to me. always cheering me up and telling me the lamest jokes on earth. HAHA. (((: lame in a good way dear. so why spend time and tears on people who dont deserve it?
so much for my happy ending
yup im not. not at all.
i just realised how unprepared i am for some stuff. that i think i might been prepared for. it's very interesting.
lets say. for example. jess says according to some stuff, pisces, libra, and saggitaurus(how do you spell it) make the best girlfriends. much that i think that's true, haha, i really dont think im ready for it. haha. i mean honestly, jess, do u think you are? haha. its really odd.
hmm i dont remember what i did yesterday. *thinks very hard* okay i REALLY dont rmb. -.- OH! i went skating! i cant believe i forgot! -.- greaat. skating wit mq iwan and rucha. haha it was pretty fun. (: it was funny, i looked like i was going for dance, instead of skating. hmm. there was this girl in shorts and mq couldnt keep his EYES off her. haha. and this guy, i think he's a trainer, went up to her to teach her how to skate, for fear she might fall and cut herself. cause really, it's not funny when u cut yourself on ice. ooh. nice pple. haha. (:
then cha came over to watch moviess. the tale of two sisters, and honey. haha. we were SO tired, we just plonked in front of the tele. anw sisters' was STILL SO SCARY. but its very good to watch it again, when u know the truth that is supposedly revealed in the end, then u can make the links in the show. very useful. (: honey was just uhh so-so. maybe its cause we were really beatt. but i love jessica alba's danceee. haha. she's got a lot of attitude, and that makes her dances nice i guess. (: speaking of which... WHEN'S JAZZ GONNA STARTT.
today. uhh went to school to watch the media presentations. they were aiight larh. (: then ticketing for shark's tale. then dismissed.
okay uhh cha and i went to far east to have chicken rice. mmhmm. then met ling jamieee yang2 cherylsim. went to take neos! man how long has it been since i last took one! ((: anyway it turned out quite fly. yay. haha.
kay got to toapayoh. ohhh i forgot. i bought my darling earringss! ((: -grins- but they arent e pair that i fell in love with initially. sigh. sometimes i REALLY hate forever 21. the things get sold out there in one poof. =( anyway yes, we all watched sharktale. as a level. haha. pretty cool, we didnt hafta to pay. thing is, i think the movie's kinda shallow. like really. not much of a plot. quite a comedy tho. finding nemo was better. i wanna watch the incredibless! (((: haha. it looks totally cute. (: mm.
i realised im a sucker for animations and animals. and everything else other than human beings. im sure ive said this before. haha. cause today before we left school, they played a video on how the pple are killing sharks around the world, and tears just welled up. its SO bloody sad. they throw the sharks back in the water when they're half cut opened. and besides, sharks die when they cant swim. they suffocate. so by just cutting off their fins and putting them back in the water, it's nothing but cruelty. its not as tho e fins would be able to GROW BACK or something. thus, it's so evident that us humans are just nothing but cruel. so who cares abt all the bombing in the world, when sharks are dying. haha just like what lee said. who cares abt 9-11 when the elephants are dying? all these cruel pple should be put to death. no wait. tortured slowly. like cut off one limb at a time. slow death. just like what they're putting the sharks through.
anyway after the movie, went to the beach. (((: it was pretty nice there. just that it was low tide, so it wasnt as pretty as when i went with jess. stayed there till like 8. man it was FREEEEZING. and i mean freezing. haha i could've turned into an ice cube. (: but people were there to rescue. haha.
it kinda got me thinking. why should i care abt people like... him, when ive got so many people around me. sure, they're just friends. and so is he. just maybe a little more, otherwise, it's the same, really. why should he get so much more attention than the rest. shouldnt people who actually treat me good get more attention? like my 6Lers per say. lenard's always there when he knows im not very happy. and im really darn grateful for that. zh's always there to sweet talk, tho i usually wont like it, it really helps when you're feeling nothing but crap. nick, who's nv good at words, would do anything to make sure im feeling better. whether im sick or not. but of course, he know when im not happy cause yeah. he barely has time for anything. but you know, at least he tries. and i try not to talk to him abt unhappy things, cause time wit him is precious! (:
so all i can say is that i truly love my friends. jess' alwaysss talking to me. always cheering me up and telling me the lamest jokes on earth. HAHA. (((: lame in a good way dear. so why spend time and tears on people who dont deserve it?
so much for my happy ending
you get me high`
7:23 AM
7:23 AM
Tuesday, November 2
[dont feel sorry for me]
shadow by ashlee simpson's like one of my theme songs. it's so strange how it practically enacts my life. interesting. went out wit khaymar today, she's a sweeetheart. (: talked talked talked. (:
i wonder what im gonna get for lance's bday. im pretty sure. that he'll appreciate whatever i give him. unlike some pple. and to answer to you ling. how do i respond if he nv told me straight in the face. sometimes being explicit cannot be saved on. sigh. well it's aiight. if it's hostality you're gonna give me, then bring it on. i'm strong enough to move on. (:
im proud that ive been able to maintain a clean slate. cause as long as i dont like one enough, i wont commit. but sometimes it gets tiring to go thru thick and thin alone. sigh. zh's been crazy. haha. talking abt holding my hand and uhh going thru all these with me. sweet, but cheezy. haha. it's just sooo zh. i dont know how come he seems fine saying it. on others, everyone'll just laugh their guts off.
im watching csi. and i think it's hell stupid. dont see why everyone loves it so much. no hot guys. not much of a plot. pretty stupid. haha. fine maybe its just cause i dont like stuff like that. BUT i'd say, forensic scientists are cool. they can deduce events just by looking at the after product. (: impressive i'd say. my eyes are getting more sore each day. ugh i'd better stop rubbing, like, now.
hmm. going skating tmr. supposedly with rucha and hopefully classmates we can get. but... annalyn ng doesnt feel like going. -.- so i think mq and iwan's coming. haiyah. they're skating freaks. okay no, just mq. iwan's just tagging. ladeeda. but he's a lot nicer. OH that reminds me. gotta call nick soon again. haha. i promised him i'd call him every morning whenever i can. but it seems ive only called him oncee. haha. it's fun talking to him! cause he doesnt know whenever he says anything silly. that's how guys should be. not always sweet talking, and smooth. tim's extreme tho. everything he says it's wrong. at the wrong time. sigh. ahh well.
i hope nicky doesnt forget that he's supposed to start going out after this week's comp. HAHA. and he said hes gonna start wit meee. he owes me my... 9 mths late bday pres. hahaha. talk abt belated. and in another what. 3 months, he's gotta get me another one? shrugs. haha.
okay ive gotta go running with marcus now. time check. its 2300. will be back at midnight!
running away;
shadow by ashlee simpson's like one of my theme songs. it's so strange how it practically enacts my life. interesting. went out wit khaymar today, she's a sweeetheart. (: talked talked talked. (:
i wonder what im gonna get for lance's bday. im pretty sure. that he'll appreciate whatever i give him. unlike some pple. and to answer to you ling. how do i respond if he nv told me straight in the face. sometimes being explicit cannot be saved on. sigh. well it's aiight. if it's hostality you're gonna give me, then bring it on. i'm strong enough to move on. (:
im proud that ive been able to maintain a clean slate. cause as long as i dont like one enough, i wont commit. but sometimes it gets tiring to go thru thick and thin alone. sigh. zh's been crazy. haha. talking abt holding my hand and uhh going thru all these with me. sweet, but cheezy. haha. it's just sooo zh. i dont know how come he seems fine saying it. on others, everyone'll just laugh their guts off.
im watching csi. and i think it's hell stupid. dont see why everyone loves it so much. no hot guys. not much of a plot. pretty stupid. haha. fine maybe its just cause i dont like stuff like that. BUT i'd say, forensic scientists are cool. they can deduce events just by looking at the after product. (: impressive i'd say. my eyes are getting more sore each day. ugh i'd better stop rubbing, like, now.
hmm. going skating tmr. supposedly with rucha and hopefully classmates we can get. but... annalyn ng doesnt feel like going. -.- so i think mq and iwan's coming. haiyah. they're skating freaks. okay no, just mq. iwan's just tagging. ladeeda. but he's a lot nicer. OH that reminds me. gotta call nick soon again. haha. i promised him i'd call him every morning whenever i can. but it seems ive only called him oncee. haha. it's fun talking to him! cause he doesnt know whenever he says anything silly. that's how guys should be. not always sweet talking, and smooth. tim's extreme tho. everything he says it's wrong. at the wrong time. sigh. ahh well.
i hope nicky doesnt forget that he's supposed to start going out after this week's comp. HAHA. and he said hes gonna start wit meee. he owes me my... 9 mths late bday pres. hahaha. talk abt belated. and in another what. 3 months, he's gotta get me another one? shrugs. haha.
okay ive gotta go running with marcus now. time check. its 2300. will be back at midnight!
running away;
you get me high`
5:48 AM
5:48 AM
Monday, November 1
[living in the shadow]
i have just found out that it's a lot more practical to be a freggin hypocrite than a very true person. its so much better to be nice to people you hate. to be even nicer to people you like. to sweet talk those that are revolting. oh and to be extremely nice to teachers that get on your nerves.
thus. it's soo much better to be a suck up.
should i become a hypocrite by necessity?
somehow it just doesnt sound me at all innit. well maybe it's time for a change sister. dont you think making your hate so explicit, and your feelings for others so black and white would do you any good? the people you love might not love you back, and lets see how that might affect you again? do you like the feeling? HUH! if you dont, then why make everything so evident. have you not learnt your lesson? all the hurt that you feel inside all the time. amplified by the fact that it's after you put in all of you, and you still get treated like that by some? is it worth it?
and might i say you're the modal of stupidity, for you always seem to care more for pple who just dont give no shit about you. lets take this person you care abt now. whats the point of praying. making sure the gift you got for him's suitable. digging thru your bible, finding a suitable verse. and hoping everything would work out. what happens next? you find yourself sitting at one corner wiping your tears, trying to get on by with life. which you will succeed, but it takes time. and guess what. it happens all the time! so do u really wanna put yourself thru this kinda shit.
i am stupid. i am perfect. i am a screw up. i am a freak of nature. i am a hypocrite. i am the most true person you'll find. i am ugly. i am fat. i am beautiful. i am nobody. i am everybody. i am everything to you, and you, and you. but nothing to him, him and him.
i am what i am. i just am.
so you either accept it, or beat it.
yeah hell im sure you care. thats the biggest joke ive heard! yup. terribly funny. im laughing so hard even the tears are falling. haha the tears. funny how they come. you've always been there to hold me hand. and vice versa. but now it just seems as though your hand's there just for the sake of being there. so now my escape would be letting go, and running to the door. so i will let go. i will i will.
im good. yes im good.
sorry for the switch from first to second to first person.
[in someone else's dream]
i have just found out that it's a lot more practical to be a freggin hypocrite than a very true person. its so much better to be nice to people you hate. to be even nicer to people you like. to sweet talk those that are revolting. oh and to be extremely nice to teachers that get on your nerves.
thus. it's soo much better to be a suck up.
should i become a hypocrite by necessity?
somehow it just doesnt sound me at all innit. well maybe it's time for a change sister. dont you think making your hate so explicit, and your feelings for others so black and white would do you any good? the people you love might not love you back, and lets see how that might affect you again? do you like the feeling? HUH! if you dont, then why make everything so evident. have you not learnt your lesson? all the hurt that you feel inside all the time. amplified by the fact that it's after you put in all of you, and you still get treated like that by some? is it worth it?
and might i say you're the modal of stupidity, for you always seem to care more for pple who just dont give no shit about you. lets take this person you care abt now. whats the point of praying. making sure the gift you got for him's suitable. digging thru your bible, finding a suitable verse. and hoping everything would work out. what happens next? you find yourself sitting at one corner wiping your tears, trying to get on by with life. which you will succeed, but it takes time. and guess what. it happens all the time! so do u really wanna put yourself thru this kinda shit.
i am stupid. i am perfect. i am a screw up. i am a freak of nature. i am a hypocrite. i am the most true person you'll find. i am ugly. i am fat. i am beautiful. i am nobody. i am everybody. i am everything to you, and you, and you. but nothing to him, him and him.
i am what i am. i just am.
so you either accept it, or beat it.
yeah hell im sure you care. thats the biggest joke ive heard! yup. terribly funny. im laughing so hard even the tears are falling. haha the tears. funny how they come. you've always been there to hold me hand. and vice versa. but now it just seems as though your hand's there just for the sake of being there. so now my escape would be letting go, and running to the door. so i will let go. i will i will.
im good. yes im good.
sorry for the switch from first to second to first person.
[in someone else's dream]
you get me high`
6:00 AM
6:00 AM