Monday, January 31
[theres a pain that sleeps inside]
ugh. i sit in front of my computer today. reading the newspaper article online. but i refuse to do my work. i refuse to embark on that neverending journey of jianbao. i just refuse to. dont make me.
cant things just go my way for once. once, is all i ask for. really. once. i realised everytime i want something real bad. like really bad. it never goes my way. or when im like quite happy. not very happy. just, happy. and i hope the day will con't to make me happy, and hopefully i'll go to sleep in a state of delirium. no it never happens. never. somewhere sometime during the course of the day, something will upset me, something will aggitate me, someone will scold me, someone will hurt me. whatever that someone/something is, screw you.
i stumbled upon abby's blog last night. stumbled, not cause i didnt know her blog existed, but because i got there through a very...undesirable source. it struck me how he could still remain friends with her. ha wait, but of course, he enjoys getting to know rg girls. just, well, not me huh. so im not true blue rg. yadayada. what a tart. worse still, God seemed to give me the opportunity. to do what i really wanted to go. to taunt him, to bruise his ego. or is the opportunity meant for that. it's too coincidental to be true. it's somehow God-given. but i know He doesnt and wont encourage my actions. so what now. what do i do. how can i let the chance slip by, how can i not let him feel what he's done to me. how, this time, do i play the good guy? forgive and forget, sure. but not till he gets the taste of his own medicine. i suspect i wont get the reaction i want. but at least i would've done it. and be proud of myself. so help, what do i do. what's going to happen. i guess no one'd know till i try.
just you wait, boy, just you wait.
sorry for being revengeful. it's not much of my nature. nor my morals. in reference to philo today. religion and morality. not part of my religion. so dont mistake it. i'm just being succumbed to my own humanity. something that im still trying to get myself out of.
i've been thinking of people today. weird. all through the day. like even during the funny chinese wayang presentation. i thought of... him, of course. like how im gonna plan out my very-detailed-plan of vengence. [i AM still trying to talk myself outta it, but for now...] i watched the wayang and i thought of 6L. i wondered how they were doing. whether ike's still being as musical, whether sean is well...still alive. whether admund's still dormousey and gay. whether nick's doing fine in school, like, friend-wise. i thought of alvin, whether he's coping fine. and those very pretty eyes. (: i thought of mik, haha my 'laogong', wondered how he is in school today.
it's strange, very strange.
okay i will just stop rattling random rubbish. my eyes are still sore, worse now, actually. maybe im tired. so i should go rest. i want to say goodnight to some people, but maybe i wont. aye im weird.
i want ashlee simpson's new hair. -.- but i think i'll look rather retarded in it. laughs.
make them disappear and we can stay
ugh. i sit in front of my computer today. reading the newspaper article online. but i refuse to do my work. i refuse to embark on that neverending journey of jianbao. i just refuse to. dont make me.
cant things just go my way for once. once, is all i ask for. really. once. i realised everytime i want something real bad. like really bad. it never goes my way. or when im like quite happy. not very happy. just, happy. and i hope the day will con't to make me happy, and hopefully i'll go to sleep in a state of delirium. no it never happens. never. somewhere sometime during the course of the day, something will upset me, something will aggitate me, someone will scold me, someone will hurt me. whatever that someone/something is, screw you.
i stumbled upon abby's blog last night. stumbled, not cause i didnt know her blog existed, but because i got there through a very...undesirable source. it struck me how he could still remain friends with her. ha wait, but of course, he enjoys getting to know rg girls. just, well, not me huh. so im not true blue rg. yadayada. what a tart. worse still, God seemed to give me the opportunity. to do what i really wanted to go. to taunt him, to bruise his ego. or is the opportunity meant for that. it's too coincidental to be true. it's somehow God-given. but i know He doesnt and wont encourage my actions. so what now. what do i do. how can i let the chance slip by, how can i not let him feel what he's done to me. how, this time, do i play the good guy? forgive and forget, sure. but not till he gets the taste of his own medicine. i suspect i wont get the reaction i want. but at least i would've done it. and be proud of myself. so help, what do i do. what's going to happen. i guess no one'd know till i try.
just you wait, boy, just you wait.
sorry for being revengeful. it's not much of my nature. nor my morals. in reference to philo today. religion and morality. not part of my religion. so dont mistake it. i'm just being succumbed to my own humanity. something that im still trying to get myself out of.
i've been thinking of people today. weird. all through the day. like even during the funny chinese wayang presentation. i thought of... him, of course. like how im gonna plan out my very-detailed-plan of vengence. [i AM still trying to talk myself outta it, but for now...] i watched the wayang and i thought of 6L. i wondered how they were doing. whether ike's still being as musical, whether sean is well...still alive. whether admund's still dormousey and gay. whether nick's doing fine in school, like, friend-wise. i thought of alvin, whether he's coping fine. and those very pretty eyes. (: i thought of mik, haha my 'laogong', wondered how he is in school today.
it's strange, very strange.
okay i will just stop rattling random rubbish. my eyes are still sore, worse now, actually. maybe im tired. so i should go rest. i want to say goodnight to some people, but maybe i wont. aye im weird.
i want ashlee simpson's new hair. -.- but i think i'll look rather retarded in it. laughs.
make them disappear and we can stay
you get me high`
6:18 AM
6:18 AM
Sunday, January 30
boo. i miss ryan. ):
cause unlike the hols, i sleep earlier now. so i cant catch the odd hours where he comes online. boohoohoo.
i miss ryan. boohoohoo.
excuse my whines, must be due to my fatigue.
and i want my prettypretty diesel skirt. why izzit that everything i want is so exxxxxxxxxxx.
boohoohoo.
cause unlike the hols, i sleep earlier now. so i cant catch the odd hours where he comes online. boohoohoo.
i miss ryan. boohoohoo.
excuse my whines, must be due to my fatigue.
and i want my prettypretty diesel skirt. why izzit that everything i want is so exxxxxxxxxxx.
boohoohoo.
you get me high`
6:06 AM
6:06 AM
[and if i sleep just to dream of you
i'll wake up without you there]
what a depressing weekend it's been. all the tears. all the angst. all the frustration. brr.
it's so wrong. i didnt even dance properly today. though i thought the dance was rather lush+easy-ish. my knee still hurts. WHYWHY. i cant kneel down cause it hurts like hell. thank God today's floormoves didnt require my knee to be in contact with the floor. my poor poor knee. i cant dance properly if it hurts like that.
oh before dance. was at ikea. saw derek and his famille. his sister's so cute. anyway because my poor eye's so puffed up from all the crying and rubbing and the sore eyes [cause i played with my uncle's cat and happily rubbed my eyes], the first question he asked me was. omg. have you been crying all night. so funny. he said thank goodness i was wearing a cap or else i'd have been mistaken for- one, crying for the past 72 hours; two, i had just been bashed up. falala. haha. anyway thanks for the drink, BOY. (:
going for some strange math talk tmr. i think initially i was supposed to stone at the moelc canteen to wait for cha. now i think i'll go to j8 and have lunch with cy to celebrate his bday. how im gonna do that, i havent a clue. just...go eat. haha. (: plus the timing's just right. he can walk cha and i to rj. plus bring us around. muahaha.
oh jolly i've finished all my work! except jianbao, which im contemplating if i should complete it. caused i wont have time tmr anyway. geet just msged. ugh ri choir concert on saturday. why izzit even compulsory for us to go. brr. and it's not for them. we're so much better! haha. and THEY GET TO PERFORM IN VCH. bloody bloody hell. the acoustics there is amazing.
you wont cry for my absence, i know
you forgot me long ago
i'll wake up without you there]
what a depressing weekend it's been. all the tears. all the angst. all the frustration. brr.
it's so wrong. i didnt even dance properly today. though i thought the dance was rather lush+easy-ish. my knee still hurts. WHYWHY. i cant kneel down cause it hurts like hell. thank God today's floormoves didnt require my knee to be in contact with the floor. my poor poor knee. i cant dance properly if it hurts like that.
oh before dance. was at ikea. saw derek and his famille. his sister's so cute. anyway because my poor eye's so puffed up from all the crying and rubbing and the sore eyes [cause i played with my uncle's cat and happily rubbed my eyes], the first question he asked me was. omg. have you been crying all night. so funny. he said thank goodness i was wearing a cap or else i'd have been mistaken for- one, crying for the past 72 hours; two, i had just been bashed up. falala. haha. anyway thanks for the drink, BOY. (:
going for some strange math talk tmr. i think initially i was supposed to stone at the moelc canteen to wait for cha. now i think i'll go to j8 and have lunch with cy to celebrate his bday. how im gonna do that, i havent a clue. just...go eat. haha. (: plus the timing's just right. he can walk cha and i to rj. plus bring us around. muahaha.
oh jolly i've finished all my work! except jianbao, which im contemplating if i should complete it. caused i wont have time tmr anyway. geet just msged. ugh ri choir concert on saturday. why izzit even compulsory for us to go. brr. and it's not for them. we're so much better! haha. and THEY GET TO PERFORM IN VCH. bloody bloody hell. the acoustics there is amazing.
you wont cry for my absence, i know
you forgot me long ago
you get me high`
4:18 AM
4:18 AM
Saturday, January 29
[shall we dance]
watched shall we dance today. well, inspiring. (: though im not really into ballroom dancing. and jlo does ballroom a bit oddly. haha. woo just happened to sit behind marcusES. haha. marclim and marclow. well thank you jess and iwan for the company! (: i wonder why spore doesnt have those dance/hiphop nights at clubs or something. i honestly doubt the clubs here have so much funkae dancing. haha.
well i'll say this to you, and i believe this time you'll know it's about you. erm everything that we had, i'd just wanna assure you that it wasnt wasted, it wasnt all a bad memory, and it wont be forgotten. it wont be gone. but if it's wearing you down so much, pls, just try to get over it. it hurts to see it pain you. i'll leave you alone if it might help. so just, tell me what to do. and dont feel guilty or something. and dont be paranoid cause you're great as who you are. yup.
have i mentioned how much i hate my mum. i hate her i hate her i hate her. she has a problem when im happy. its as tho she doesnt like to see a smile across my face, but tears welling up in my eyes. unreasonable. heartless. every negative adjective describes her. i try to be understanding, but when she just goes overboard i explode. it isnt my fault that i do. cause she's just too much. wayy too much. she makes my life a plain misery. oh blooody.
isnt someone missing me
watched shall we dance today. well, inspiring. (: though im not really into ballroom dancing. and jlo does ballroom a bit oddly. haha. woo just happened to sit behind marcusES. haha. marclim and marclow. well thank you jess and iwan for the company! (: i wonder why spore doesnt have those dance/hiphop nights at clubs or something. i honestly doubt the clubs here have so much funkae dancing. haha.
well i'll say this to you, and i believe this time you'll know it's about you. erm everything that we had, i'd just wanna assure you that it wasnt wasted, it wasnt all a bad memory, and it wont be forgotten. it wont be gone. but if it's wearing you down so much, pls, just try to get over it. it hurts to see it pain you. i'll leave you alone if it might help. so just, tell me what to do. and dont feel guilty or something. and dont be paranoid cause you're great as who you are. yup.
have i mentioned how much i hate my mum. i hate her i hate her i hate her. she has a problem when im happy. its as tho she doesnt like to see a smile across my face, but tears welling up in my eyes. unreasonable. heartless. every negative adjective describes her. i try to be understanding, but when she just goes overboard i explode. it isnt my fault that i do. cause she's just too much. wayy too much. she makes my life a plain misery. oh blooody.
isnt someone missing me
you get me high`
8:09 AM
8:09 AM
Friday, January 28
[go pimp yourself]
ah what a great day. being treated like objects in school, where one can 'draw lots' to choose their pairs. fucking inconsiderate, do you somehow think everyone's flooding and just oh so desperate to be in your group. well, sorry i just happened to like the other members, but hey, my bad. i'll never try again.
oh better still, being stuck at some debates for what, 3,4 hours, watching random schools debate. it's not as though i can go talk to my brother. it's not as though he'll entertain me anyway. who am i that the great one would come talk to. he'd rather fry his brains and talk to others on the phone, with that incredibly invisible. okay no this is not about my brother. he has treat me well. he brought me for supper, or rather a very late dinner after roughly waiting patiently for 3+ hours without no bloody complains. why? cause firstly, i dont complain nor whine to my brother. he's been good and nice to me all my life, i dont see why i should act like some spoilt brat and need him to articulate his reasons for being held up. unless he should do so willingly.
well well at least i did find the place, on the contrary to one's belief. didnt take me more than 15 mins. ah well, i guess for some, taking steps outta their comfortable vehicles and making an effort to find out is just too much to ask. what to do, when everything's mostly spoonfed. at least i never fall under the catergory of giving up halfway. sometimes people just think too highly of themselves.
oh and i should add how amazingly now im rarely known as my brother's sis. but more of 'oh yeah she knows auyong'. laughs. haha hello auyong if you read this, no offence was intended. i am just... amused. and thank you for the short conversations, made me slightly more occupied. but as i've mentioned, they were short, so yeah. slight would be the most appropriate. (:
well at least my brother's friends were an interesting bunch- now i understand why all debators are weird in their own ways. mmhmm. matthew set a hamster on fire. i was like, wow. how...human. but yeah, their sense of humour is extraordinary.
so after supper at holland v, i now sit in front of my lovely computer at 1am. got home just five minutes ago. excellent, isnt it. and i've got violin earlyy in the morning tmr, i hadnt had the slightest time to practise. oh fuck it. excuse my french, really. frustrations' just my middle name this very instance.
on the brighter side,
happy 18th birthday lowchunyee.
you make this life less mundane.
origin
ah what a great day. being treated like objects in school, where one can 'draw lots' to choose their pairs. fucking inconsiderate, do you somehow think everyone's flooding and just oh so desperate to be in your group. well, sorry i just happened to like the other members, but hey, my bad. i'll never try again.
oh better still, being stuck at some debates for what, 3,4 hours, watching random schools debate. it's not as though i can go talk to my brother. it's not as though he'll entertain me anyway. who am i that the great one would come talk to. he'd rather fry his brains and talk to others on the phone, with that incredibly invisible. okay no this is not about my brother. he has treat me well. he brought me for supper, or rather a very late dinner after roughly waiting patiently for 3+ hours without no bloody complains. why? cause firstly, i dont complain nor whine to my brother. he's been good and nice to me all my life, i dont see why i should act like some spoilt brat and need him to articulate his reasons for being held up. unless he should do so willingly.
well well at least i did find the place, on the contrary to one's belief. didnt take me more than 15 mins. ah well, i guess for some, taking steps outta their comfortable vehicles and making an effort to find out is just too much to ask. what to do, when everything's mostly spoonfed. at least i never fall under the catergory of giving up halfway. sometimes people just think too highly of themselves.
oh and i should add how amazingly now im rarely known as my brother's sis. but more of 'oh yeah she knows auyong'. laughs. haha hello auyong if you read this, no offence was intended. i am just... amused. and thank you for the short conversations, made me slightly more occupied. but as i've mentioned, they were short, so yeah. slight would be the most appropriate. (:
well at least my brother's friends were an interesting bunch- now i understand why all debators are weird in their own ways. mmhmm. matthew set a hamster on fire. i was like, wow. how...human. but yeah, their sense of humour is extraordinary.
so after supper at holland v, i now sit in front of my lovely computer at 1am. got home just five minutes ago. excellent, isnt it. and i've got violin earlyy in the morning tmr, i hadnt had the slightest time to practise. oh fuck it. excuse my french, really. frustrations' just my middle name this very instance.
on the brighter side,
happy 18th birthday lowchunyee.
you make this life less mundane.
origin
you get me high`
9:01 AM
9:01 AM
Thursday, January 27
[and i will run to You]
ladeedum. my apologies, i havent been blogging. been rather tired of late. dont know what's wrong with me, just cant seem to find energy despite my earlier bedtime. boo.
well school's been all around, well, sex. haha. it's so weird. first we talk about it for bio since we're doing sexual reproduction. CLE is sex ed i believe. and now in some morbid way, our topic on family for english has evolved into a sex discussion. haha. *shudders* not my favorite topic, really.
urm day before yesterday. lets see. i cant remember what we had lar, i only remember falling asleep during pe, haha. and oh philo. philoo! my apologies to annalyn, though i tried explaining some points for you, but i dont know if i did a good job. so yeah. i think we're all gonna end up confusing ourselves with the whole determism compatibilism libertalism thing. talk about going round in circles. bleagh.
today was tiring. tiring tiring and.. tiring. oh watched the video on childbirth. someone help, i think we're all not gonna have kids in the future. it's disgusting! i mean i guess you cant see it, haha, but knowing what's going on is just terribly disgusting! plus the video was so explicit and uncensored everything was so... porn. but at least it's educational... unlike seed of chucky.
well we had cell! thank God for abby, i always say. ohh yeah the song 'why'. crap it's like how gorgeous. but nichole nordeman isnt the most popular christian singer around, it's a bit hard to dl her songs. her voice is so pretty! haha explains why i was gushing over it. i hardly do, anyway.
bleagh anyway. should i go watch the debates prelims tmr. but dunman and rg are debating at the same time i dont know which one to go watch. my reasons for watching rg is evident, but i wanna see the outcome of my bro's coaching too. boo. and i wanna see rg's coach. hehe. i heard he's quite a jerk. ladeedum. maybe my bro's right in saying the whole debate thing is like a 'trend' and that it's 'cool' to be in debates, but i just like going there and hear people talk nonsense in the most intelligent way. (: that's just my view on debates i guess. heh.
ahhh okay. have been playing the piano till midnight. and now it's time to go. talk about earlier bedtime, i think i'll die in school tmr. yawnss.
And it said, “Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robe?
This crown of thorns hurts me more than it shows.
Father please, can’t you do something?
I know that You must hear my cry.
I thought I could handle a cross of this size.
Father, remind me why.
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will I understand why?”
My precious son, I hear them screaming.
I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus, this hurts me much more than you know,
but this dark hour, I must do nothing,
though I’ve heard your unbearable cry.
The power in your blood destroys all of the lies;
soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look, there below, see the child
trembling by her father’s side.
Now I can tell you why...
she is why you must die.
ladeedum. my apologies, i havent been blogging. been rather tired of late. dont know what's wrong with me, just cant seem to find energy despite my earlier bedtime. boo.
well school's been all around, well, sex. haha. it's so weird. first we talk about it for bio since we're doing sexual reproduction. CLE is sex ed i believe. and now in some morbid way, our topic on family for english has evolved into a sex discussion. haha. *shudders* not my favorite topic, really.
urm day before yesterday. lets see. i cant remember what we had lar, i only remember falling asleep during pe, haha. and oh philo. philoo! my apologies to annalyn, though i tried explaining some points for you, but i dont know if i did a good job. so yeah. i think we're all gonna end up confusing ourselves with the whole determism compatibilism libertalism thing. talk about going round in circles. bleagh.
today was tiring. tiring tiring and.. tiring. oh watched the video on childbirth. someone help, i think we're all not gonna have kids in the future. it's disgusting! i mean i guess you cant see it, haha, but knowing what's going on is just terribly disgusting! plus the video was so explicit and uncensored everything was so... porn. but at least it's educational... unlike seed of chucky.
well we had cell! thank God for abby, i always say. ohh yeah the song 'why'. crap it's like how gorgeous. but nichole nordeman isnt the most popular christian singer around, it's a bit hard to dl her songs. her voice is so pretty! haha explains why i was gushing over it. i hardly do, anyway.
bleagh anyway. should i go watch the debates prelims tmr. but dunman and rg are debating at the same time i dont know which one to go watch. my reasons for watching rg is evident, but i wanna see the outcome of my bro's coaching too. boo. and i wanna see rg's coach. hehe. i heard he's quite a jerk. ladeedum. maybe my bro's right in saying the whole debate thing is like a 'trend' and that it's 'cool' to be in debates, but i just like going there and hear people talk nonsense in the most intelligent way. (: that's just my view on debates i guess. heh.
ahhh okay. have been playing the piano till midnight. and now it's time to go. talk about earlier bedtime, i think i'll die in school tmr. yawnss.
And it said, “Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robe?
This crown of thorns hurts me more than it shows.
Father please, can’t you do something?
I know that You must hear my cry.
I thought I could handle a cross of this size.
Father, remind me why.
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will I understand why?”
My precious son, I hear them screaming.
I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus, this hurts me much more than you know,
but this dark hour, I must do nothing,
though I’ve heard your unbearable cry.
The power in your blood destroys all of the lies;
soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look, there below, see the child
trembling by her father’s side.
Now I can tell you why...
she is why you must die.
you get me high`
7:53 AM
7:53 AM
Tuesday, January 25
[breathe no more]
i've been looking in the mirror for so long
that i've come to believe my soul's on the other side
all the little pieces falling;
shatter.
shards of me too sharp to put back together
too small to matter
but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
if i try to touch her
and i bleed
i bleed
i breathe, i breathe
no more
take a breath as i try to draw from my spirit's well
then again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
lie to me
convince me that i've been sick forever
then all of this will make sense when i get better
i know the difference
between myself and my reflection
i just cant help but to wonder
which of us do you love
so i bleed
i bleed
i breathe, i breathe
no more
you get me high`
4:59 AM
4:59 AM
Monday, January 24
[purify my heart]
ahh my poor poor knee. ):
oh and to the seniors who were in dance on sunday, the class before mine. i think i might've seen as though i conveniently ignored you when the truth is i didnt see/hear you. until jess told me a few of you mentioned my name. was too caught up with talking to someone larh. heh. though you probably wont read this, sorry, anyway!! (: not that i really know you, but yeah. recognisable.
school today. hmm school. pe was okay lar. playing footy with girls isnt the most fun thing, but yes, very amusing. (: heh. chinese. WAH tingxie. i FORGOT we had tingxie. so i peered at char's work half the time. haha sheesh. must rmb to study next time. dammit there's compo writing tmrrr. and i cant seem to brainstorm on the topic. ladeedum. chem. ha chem, i've been dilligently taking down notes, but sometimes i still dont seem to get it. esp how to separate substances blah. information overload. scary stuff. mm ss. i really think the teacher's problematic. she's...reactive. very weird. she asks the class, 'class what is wraitec?' silence, as we're trying to recall. 'CLASS!!!?? WHAT!! IS!!!! WRAITEC!!!!!' -.- and her obsession with the difference between concept maps, mind maps, BUBBLE maps. how the first branch must be thicker than the rest, but the end of the first brunch must be one thin line. but, she takes our erasers and erase the line when it's too thick, and she says, i know it must be thick, but not too thick. -.- like, make up your mind, sister. then math. formative. it was a very...weird assesment. yeah. (:
the bus ride home was like rollercoaster! HAHA. the driver's mad. purely insane. which explains why i somehow got home quite quickly due to his speeding tactics. he was driving so fast, and un-smoothly, the pple on the bus were practically bouncing around their seats and hitting their heads. whaaat is this man.
saw angela on the way back. she's soo prettaye. (: jealousy kills eh. haha. she's in jjc. i'd have thought sajc or acjc. ah well. she's so... dancer, so ballerina. cute stuff. (: must be some big time heart throb in school or smthg.
piano. AH. my teacher is SO PARTICULAR about my fingering. irritating. but you cant get irritated cause she's sooo nice and patient but particular. and she also speaks so softly you can barely hear anything. -.- grumbles.
haha i have decided to stop eating. HAHA. okay no lar. i think i have recess for the sake of having recess. im not even hungry. redundant. ladeedum. but did i mention i had this really delicious berries chocolate today. i think it's healthy, shrugs. okay it's not very me to talk about food. ladeedum. (:
i think alvin's so poorthing. he cant go for dance for awhile cause he's broke. that's like, the saddest thing in the world. to not be able to dance cause you cant afford it. i'd really love to sponsor half of his class, but really, i think he'll just think im a freak who's trying to hit on him. hahaha. WHAT ARE HIS FRIENDS DOING! like shouldnt they do something about it. so many pple in his clique. one person a dollar will do. pffft. talk about being friends man.
anyways i'd better go complete my homeworkkkkkk. ciao y'all.
its my party and i'll cry if i want to
ahh my poor poor knee. ):
oh and to the seniors who were in dance on sunday, the class before mine. i think i might've seen as though i conveniently ignored you when the truth is i didnt see/hear you. until jess told me a few of you mentioned my name. was too caught up with talking to someone larh. heh. though you probably wont read this, sorry, anyway!! (: not that i really know you, but yeah. recognisable.
school today. hmm school. pe was okay lar. playing footy with girls isnt the most fun thing, but yes, very amusing. (: heh. chinese. WAH tingxie. i FORGOT we had tingxie. so i peered at char's work half the time. haha sheesh. must rmb to study next time. dammit there's compo writing tmrrr. and i cant seem to brainstorm on the topic. ladeedum. chem. ha chem, i've been dilligently taking down notes, but sometimes i still dont seem to get it. esp how to separate substances blah. information overload. scary stuff. mm ss. i really think the teacher's problematic. she's...reactive. very weird. she asks the class, 'class what is wraitec?' silence, as we're trying to recall. 'CLASS!!!?? WHAT!! IS!!!! WRAITEC!!!!!' -.- and her obsession with the difference between concept maps, mind maps, BUBBLE maps. how the first branch must be thicker than the rest, but the end of the first brunch must be one thin line. but, she takes our erasers and erase the line when it's too thick, and she says, i know it must be thick, but not too thick. -.- like, make up your mind, sister. then math. formative. it was a very...weird assesment. yeah. (:
the bus ride home was like rollercoaster! HAHA. the driver's mad. purely insane. which explains why i somehow got home quite quickly due to his speeding tactics. he was driving so fast, and un-smoothly, the pple on the bus were practically bouncing around their seats and hitting their heads. whaaat is this man.
saw angela on the way back. she's soo prettaye. (: jealousy kills eh. haha. she's in jjc. i'd have thought sajc or acjc. ah well. she's so... dancer, so ballerina. cute stuff. (: must be some big time heart throb in school or smthg.
piano. AH. my teacher is SO PARTICULAR about my fingering. irritating. but you cant get irritated cause she's sooo nice and patient but particular. and she also speaks so softly you can barely hear anything. -.- grumbles.
haha i have decided to stop eating. HAHA. okay no lar. i think i have recess for the sake of having recess. im not even hungry. redundant. ladeedum. but did i mention i had this really delicious berries chocolate today. i think it's healthy, shrugs. okay it's not very me to talk about food. ladeedum. (:
i think alvin's so poorthing. he cant go for dance for awhile cause he's broke. that's like, the saddest thing in the world. to not be able to dance cause you cant afford it. i'd really love to sponsor half of his class, but really, i think he'll just think im a freak who's trying to hit on him. hahaha. WHAT ARE HIS FRIENDS DOING! like shouldnt they do something about it. so many pple in his clique. one person a dollar will do. pffft. talk about being friends man.
anyways i'd better go complete my homeworkkkkkk. ciao y'all.
its my party and i'll cry if i want to
you get me high`
6:01 AM
6:01 AM
Sunday, January 23
[innocence will fade]
something someone reminded me of today. not everyone will stay innocent all their lives. naviety will be lost. and i, yes i, will be swindled. (:
today was, well, rather eventful i'd say. (: church was good. uncle kianseng's message wasnt too bad. about obedience. haha isnt that what i lack. then jess called to tell me to hop on the train, so i sprinted four floors down, out of church, and up to the mrt station. and i was there before the train came. hallelujah. -.- i didnt get an asthma attack. haha. afterwhich we rushed to dance, hopefully not to be disappointed.
dance. haha or more like aerobics cum gymnastics half the time. well it was fun, excluding the very strange moods of particular friends. justis was being...rather cold. which just didnt work out since he's always so friendly and funny and noisy. but of course girls surrounded him nevertheless. yay i said hi to alvin and he was being nice. haha. juliansong if you read this dont shake your head, haha. weird thing is that he was swarmped with girls today. entertaining them, too. whatever happened to the shy, cool image he always has. -.- gone with the wind, i guess. and i think he's gonna get interrogated since he said BYE! to me, something that goes against his clique's desires, i presume. but it was weird. i wonder if today was a good or bad day. ohh i've got 7 bruises on my poor right knee. it's like. veryvery bruised. maybe cause i kept stepping on my pants and slipping when i was supposed to go on the floor, and so i probably landed badly and hit my knee. yup. worst of all the bruises are so big and scary. haha. (: my mum is puzzled why im so willing to put myself through this torture time and again every week, and still yearning for more. well at least only the aftermath hurts, dance is still my everything. (:
oh i think it's cool how after dance i'll always getta talk to mingyao. and he'll enlighten me on his medicine course, giving me advice etc. sucha nice person to talk to i'd say. which is why i named my character in my commonwealth essay after him. haha of course it's also cause i wanted a local name that was easy to pronounce. (: but i dont think he'll like it cause the character in my story is, well, rather...desperate. haha.
had lunch with jess after dance. self entertainment again, which ended us up in fits of laughter which filled like quite a bit of the foodcourt. emotional distress. (: we were being paranoid, thus leading to hyperactiveness. yes only friends of ours would understand.
went home after buying an icecream, and i had to walk home in the scorching sun, half limping, only to find that MY MUM WAS HOME. she could've picked me! but i thought she'd still be out. bathed, took a very short nap, and off to the concert i went.
went with lois joel mum and auntie ann. joel chaffeured us around. the arts house at the old parliament's gorgeous! it's so...arty. (: studiohouse like. plus there's a seemingly nice cafe called the 'stage door cafe' which im very interested to go patronise. will do so soon. the concert was fab. it's amazing how much mrrrr yewshan has improved these four years he went abroad. hooray for him. hopefully our kiasu mothers wont want me and lois to go back to him for a few months for what they call crashcourse. musicians HAVE weird temperament. im just quite lucky my present teacher doesnt seem to suffer from that. oh yay did i mention yewshan still remembers me! ((: and laoban told my mum that im musical and have v high EQ when she insisted he reports to her on my progress. haha sorry i just think it's a lot more flattering when someone says you have high EQ rather than high IQ. really, who cares about IQ when you dont have EQ. (: me and my silly logics i guess. but terribly sensical to me. well BASICALLY. it was a fabulous concert. best interpretations i've heard of so many songs- brahms, bach, etcetc. (: loved the ambience, the whole intimate setting, the fact that there wasnt an orchestra, the pro accompanists, the very exquisite refreshments. (: haha my kinda lifestyle. (: the desired one, at least.
it beats going to school everyday and leading a stupid routined life.
but as i've mentioned to someone, nothing drowns me more than a saxophone recital.
haha, i wonder who plays the sax.
alright i think it's time to go. still cant figure out what to bring to school tmr, worst of all, msn's screwy. boo.
what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
something someone reminded me of today. not everyone will stay innocent all their lives. naviety will be lost. and i, yes i, will be swindled. (:
today was, well, rather eventful i'd say. (: church was good. uncle kianseng's message wasnt too bad. about obedience. haha isnt that what i lack. then jess called to tell me to hop on the train, so i sprinted four floors down, out of church, and up to the mrt station. and i was there before the train came. hallelujah. -.- i didnt get an asthma attack. haha. afterwhich we rushed to dance, hopefully not to be disappointed.
dance. haha or more like aerobics cum gymnastics half the time. well it was fun, excluding the very strange moods of particular friends. justis was being...rather cold. which just didnt work out since he's always so friendly and funny and noisy. but of course girls surrounded him nevertheless. yay i said hi to alvin and he was being nice. haha. juliansong if you read this dont shake your head, haha. weird thing is that he was swarmped with girls today. entertaining them, too. whatever happened to the shy, cool image he always has. -.- gone with the wind, i guess. and i think he's gonna get interrogated since he said BYE! to me, something that goes against his clique's desires, i presume. but it was weird. i wonder if today was a good or bad day. ohh i've got 7 bruises on my poor right knee. it's like. veryvery bruised. maybe cause i kept stepping on my pants and slipping when i was supposed to go on the floor, and so i probably landed badly and hit my knee. yup. worst of all the bruises are so big and scary. haha. (: my mum is puzzled why im so willing to put myself through this torture time and again every week, and still yearning for more. well at least only the aftermath hurts, dance is still my everything. (:
oh i think it's cool how after dance i'll always getta talk to mingyao. and he'll enlighten me on his medicine course, giving me advice etc. sucha nice person to talk to i'd say. which is why i named my character in my commonwealth essay after him. haha of course it's also cause i wanted a local name that was easy to pronounce. (: but i dont think he'll like it cause the character in my story is, well, rather...desperate. haha.
had lunch with jess after dance. self entertainment again, which ended us up in fits of laughter which filled like quite a bit of the foodcourt. emotional distress. (: we were being paranoid, thus leading to hyperactiveness. yes only friends of ours would understand.
went home after buying an icecream, and i had to walk home in the scorching sun, half limping, only to find that MY MUM WAS HOME. she could've picked me! but i thought she'd still be out. bathed, took a very short nap, and off to the concert i went.
went with lois joel mum and auntie ann. joel chaffeured us around. the arts house at the old parliament's gorgeous! it's so...arty. (: studiohouse like. plus there's a seemingly nice cafe called the 'stage door cafe' which im very interested to go patronise. will do so soon. the concert was fab. it's amazing how much mrrrr yewshan has improved these four years he went abroad. hooray for him. hopefully our kiasu mothers wont want me and lois to go back to him for a few months for what they call crashcourse. musicians HAVE weird temperament. im just quite lucky my present teacher doesnt seem to suffer from that. oh yay did i mention yewshan still remembers me! ((: and laoban told my mum that im musical and have v high EQ when she insisted he reports to her on my progress. haha sorry i just think it's a lot more flattering when someone says you have high EQ rather than high IQ. really, who cares about IQ when you dont have EQ. (: me and my silly logics i guess. but terribly sensical to me. well BASICALLY. it was a fabulous concert. best interpretations i've heard of so many songs- brahms, bach, etcetc. (: loved the ambience, the whole intimate setting, the fact that there wasnt an orchestra, the pro accompanists, the very exquisite refreshments. (: haha my kinda lifestyle. (: the desired one, at least.
it beats going to school everyday and leading a stupid routined life.
but as i've mentioned to someone, nothing drowns me more than a saxophone recital.
haha, i wonder who plays the sax.
alright i think it's time to go. still cant figure out what to bring to school tmr, worst of all, msn's screwy. boo.
what goes around comes around
what goes up must come down
you get me high`
6:39 AM
6:39 AM
Saturday, January 22
[when i close my eyes it's you i see]
dont you know that this is just not supposed to happen. im not supposed to be feeling this way, im not supposed to be expecting anything more, im not supposed to be yearning to see you, nor reluctant to leave you. no. stupid me, stupid kelly. -.-
damn, woke up early this morning. all thanks to nicholas tan. -.- but breakfast was good lar. simply bread. (: my favorite. he's also very free. still had time to go home after morning training, get changed, then come out again. much that i like him to dress properly, he really neednt go to the extent of wearing a nice tee and jeans for breakfast. it is just breakfast.
left him at about 1030? walked home. lalala. continued my commonwealth essay. heyy im not bad k. almost done soon. though i think the story's slightly...disorientated. nvm. i'll make the necessary changes later. violin. thank goodness he was pleased. (: lao ban's going for yewshan's concert tmr too. yewshan. haha. my strange quiet studious stern cat-fanatic ex violin teacher. however, very classy, i must admit. stupid mq decided to ditch me. ugh.
went shopping after that. borrowed meet joe black. (: i just finished watching it. no i didnt cry. -shrugs- dont know why. maybe ms leow told us too much. haha. but have i mentioned how i dont understand how someone as hot as brad pitt can be alive.
ah, i hate to buy presents.
maybe muff's right. things i choose to put on my blog are depressing.
i'm still the same at this time
the stillness of the night makes heartbreak easier
but i dont dare to think too much
cause i'm still alone
the moon sits high in the sky
while i walk along the cold lonely streets
i dont have any news on you
because im still thinking of you
if you love me dont let me go
unless you tell me you dont love me
i dont want you to really say it
just shower your love again
dont you know that this is just not supposed to happen. im not supposed to be feeling this way, im not supposed to be expecting anything more, im not supposed to be yearning to see you, nor reluctant to leave you. no. stupid me, stupid kelly. -.-
damn, woke up early this morning. all thanks to nicholas tan. -.- but breakfast was good lar. simply bread. (: my favorite. he's also very free. still had time to go home after morning training, get changed, then come out again. much that i like him to dress properly, he really neednt go to the extent of wearing a nice tee and jeans for breakfast. it is just breakfast.
left him at about 1030? walked home. lalala. continued my commonwealth essay. heyy im not bad k. almost done soon. though i think the story's slightly...disorientated. nvm. i'll make the necessary changes later. violin. thank goodness he was pleased. (: lao ban's going for yewshan's concert tmr too. yewshan. haha. my strange quiet studious stern cat-fanatic ex violin teacher. however, very classy, i must admit. stupid mq decided to ditch me. ugh.
went shopping after that. borrowed meet joe black. (: i just finished watching it. no i didnt cry. -shrugs- dont know why. maybe ms leow told us too much. haha. but have i mentioned how i dont understand how someone as hot as brad pitt can be alive.
ah, i hate to buy presents.
maybe muff's right. things i choose to put on my blog are depressing.
i'm still the same at this time
the stillness of the night makes heartbreak easier
but i dont dare to think too much
cause i'm still alone
the moon sits high in the sky
while i walk along the cold lonely streets
i dont have any news on you
because im still thinking of you
if you love me dont let me go
unless you tell me you dont love me
i dont want you to really say it
just shower your love again
you get me high`
8:31 AM
8:31 AM
Friday, January 21
one word. confusion
ain't nobody who can love me like you do
ain't no reason that I'll ever be untrue
there's no need for me to try
i can't find the reason why
ain't nobody who can really love me like you do
ain't nobody who can love me like you do
ain't no reason that I'll ever be untrue
there's no need for me to try
i can't find the reason why
ain't nobody who can really love me like you do
you get me high`
6:58 AM
6:58 AM
[i will be your sunlight in your universe]
haha it's funny, kate was saying that i look cute with lance! -.-"" in my hi5 testimonial. like what. hi5. -.-
sigh today. today was weird. really weird. well one note.
do NOT watch seed of chucky. it's sick gory gruesome and its porn
and i mean it.
laughs, i avoided derek today! sorry dear (: i just didnt want you to end up standing your friend up, and come join us. (: dont lie, i know you would. but i did like your shirt tho, where'd you get it from!
well i think im stuck with mixed feelings. haha.
my mum's driving me crazy. craZY. she's like this emotional rubbish picking on me. screaming at me. finding all sorts of ways to vent her anger. so im like her avenue to scream at. great eh. and she still wants to stop me from going out. if i dont go out, what, stay home and get railed by her, and one day turn crazy too? shit, i hate this. so what if my brother is pissing her off. why is she so weak when it comes to him. and in turn always have so much to say about everything i do. cause he's older? well then i cant wait to get older. piece of rubbish.
at least nick makes my day all the time. meeting him for breakfast at 830 tmr. -.- like, help. so early. i should just jump off a cliff. well going to guthrie! best of all, my mum's fetching us there. haha. i think i'll fall asleep or something. haha.
you would think my love was really something good
haha it's funny, kate was saying that i look cute with lance! -.-"" in my hi5 testimonial. like what. hi5. -.-
sigh today. today was weird. really weird. well one note.
do NOT watch seed of chucky. it's sick gory gruesome and its porn
and i mean it.
laughs, i avoided derek today! sorry dear (: i just didnt want you to end up standing your friend up, and come join us. (: dont lie, i know you would. but i did like your shirt tho, where'd you get it from!
well i think im stuck with mixed feelings. haha.
my mum's driving me crazy. craZY. she's like this emotional rubbish picking on me. screaming at me. finding all sorts of ways to vent her anger. so im like her avenue to scream at. great eh. and she still wants to stop me from going out. if i dont go out, what, stay home and get railed by her, and one day turn crazy too? shit, i hate this. so what if my brother is pissing her off. why is she so weak when it comes to him. and in turn always have so much to say about everything i do. cause he's older? well then i cant wait to get older. piece of rubbish.
at least nick makes my day all the time. meeting him for breakfast at 830 tmr. -.- like, help. so early. i should just jump off a cliff. well going to guthrie! best of all, my mum's fetching us there. haha. i think i'll fall asleep or something. haha.
you would think my love was really something good
you get me high`
6:23 AM
6:23 AM
Thursday, January 20
[even in my darkest hours through the sorrows and the pain]
i will sing.
it's almost hard to believe it's a holiday today. a three day weekend. hopefully it'd turn out good. mmhmm.
school today! mm i think cle had to be the funniest. andrew chia was telling us about his uni days, how he used to kill mice and everything. it was CRUEL but hilarious. and very memorable.
have i mentioned i wanna watch meet joe black. not just for brad pitt. sandy leow made it sound so tempting. shall go hunt for the dvd/vcd tmr.
then choir. then mum made me go to expo with her.
yay i love derek to bits. first he got me a wallet! and second, he came to expo to give it to me! [cause he was around the corner] but still! ((: and third, ITS NOT TOO BAD. yayyy. thank you thank you thank you. (:
came back to watch american idol. sucha laugh. thank God for that. till my mum had to come screw it all up again. ugh.
i never knew deciding between two movies would be so hard. it took like, what, 3 hours? sheesh. anyway hope tmr works out well. i doubt i'll have my breakfast with nick. i think im too tired. yupp. thatssit. (:
happy hari raya? haha.
i thought i had it figured out
i will sing.
it's almost hard to believe it's a holiday today. a three day weekend. hopefully it'd turn out good. mmhmm.
school today! mm i think cle had to be the funniest. andrew chia was telling us about his uni days, how he used to kill mice and everything. it was CRUEL but hilarious. and very memorable.
have i mentioned i wanna watch meet joe black. not just for brad pitt. sandy leow made it sound so tempting. shall go hunt for the dvd/vcd tmr.
then choir. then mum made me go to expo with her.
yay i love derek to bits. first he got me a wallet! and second, he came to expo to give it to me! [cause he was around the corner] but still! ((: and third, ITS NOT TOO BAD. yayyy. thank you thank you thank you. (:
came back to watch american idol. sucha laugh. thank God for that. till my mum had to come screw it all up again. ugh.
i never knew deciding between two movies would be so hard. it took like, what, 3 hours? sheesh. anyway hope tmr works out well. i doubt i'll have my breakfast with nick. i think im too tired. yupp. thatssit. (:
happy hari raya? haha.
i thought i had it figured out
you get me high`
8:13 AM
8:13 AM
Wednesday, January 19
she was my once in a lifetime
happy ending come true
oh i guess i shouldve told her
i thought she knew
she said i took her for granted
thats the last thing i would do
i'll never understand it
i thought she knew
i thought she knew my world revolved around her
my lovelight burns for her alone
but she couldnt see the flame
only myself to blame
i should've known
a heart full of words left unspoken
now that we're through
i'd sell my soul to have this silence broken
i thought she knew
haha okay sorry. just a nice/sweet song by nsync.
school today. ahh soccer! haha it was hilarious! like. ITS NOT SOCCER. compared to what i see and play in church (last time lar), it's nothing! haha. but it's superbly funny to see how our classmates run after the ball, and kicking it, never in the right direction, but having fun altogether! haha.
then bio was hilarious. asexual and sexual reproduction. HAHA. the way andrew chia described the earthworms. like they meet, talk in their tunnel, exchange flowers, then if they like each other, they'll mate. haha. okay and the desperate earthworms what do they do? haha. go find out yourself.
anyway, muddleheaded me forgot to bring my wallet and file to school. and am i lucky we didnt have any homework due today. phew. soo basically i could only eat like at 4-ish when i met my mum, cause i didnt really wanna borrow from other pple. haii. but went for lunch with nikki ally and charlene anyway. not that i ate, haha. i was soooo tempted to borrow and get the udon! but ah nvm. self control. anyway we went to play pool so i HAD to borrow and pay them back tmr. so fun! char's quite pro. while i think neekee's got the same prob as jess. the cue seems a tad too heavy for them. haha. but i cant be more grateful that they made my day a lot more eventful. (:
yay! tmr's the last day of the week. then i'll hafta decide who im going out with on friday and what im gonna do. booo. dont like it to be a public hol. then all the prices go up. -.-
aiight better go to bed. (: night y'all.
i fell in love with you.
happy ending come true
oh i guess i shouldve told her
i thought she knew
she said i took her for granted
thats the last thing i would do
i'll never understand it
i thought she knew
i thought she knew my world revolved around her
my lovelight burns for her alone
but she couldnt see the flame
only myself to blame
i should've known
a heart full of words left unspoken
now that we're through
i'd sell my soul to have this silence broken
i thought she knew
haha okay sorry. just a nice/sweet song by nsync.
school today. ahh soccer! haha it was hilarious! like. ITS NOT SOCCER. compared to what i see and play in church (last time lar), it's nothing! haha. but it's superbly funny to see how our classmates run after the ball, and kicking it, never in the right direction, but having fun altogether! haha.
then bio was hilarious. asexual and sexual reproduction. HAHA. the way andrew chia described the earthworms. like they meet, talk in their tunnel, exchange flowers, then if they like each other, they'll mate. haha. okay and the desperate earthworms what do they do? haha. go find out yourself.
anyway, muddleheaded me forgot to bring my wallet and file to school. and am i lucky we didnt have any homework due today. phew. soo basically i could only eat like at 4-ish when i met my mum, cause i didnt really wanna borrow from other pple. haii. but went for lunch with nikki ally and charlene anyway. not that i ate, haha. i was soooo tempted to borrow and get the udon! but ah nvm. self control. anyway we went to play pool so i HAD to borrow and pay them back tmr. so fun! char's quite pro. while i think neekee's got the same prob as jess. the cue seems a tad too heavy for them. haha. but i cant be more grateful that they made my day a lot more eventful. (:
yay! tmr's the last day of the week. then i'll hafta decide who im going out with on friday and what im gonna do. booo. dont like it to be a public hol. then all the prices go up. -.-
aiight better go to bed. (: night y'all.
i fell in love with you.
you get me high`
6:11 AM
6:11 AM
Tuesday, January 18
this is just a very big shoutout!
my phone memory's wiped out, and i've lost all my 400+ contacts. SO. after you read this, and if i havent asked you yet [or you're somehow REALLY close to me]
MESSAGE ME YOUR NUMBER+NAME+SURNAME!
this includes the church pple. lala cherll blahblah. whoever who comes across this. and better still, GIVE ME JOSH+GANG'S NUMBER TOO!
and the choir pple!
and the jiangnan pple! ((:
dont cheat my feelings and give me a false number, i'll be heartbroken. im already so upset my precious contacts+hundreds of msgs are gone.
so PLEASE! be nice. (: and lend a helping hand!
your cooperation is REALLY appreciated! thanks!
ahh my head really hurts. has been banging for the whole day. should have gone for choir, but i think i'll just bang myself against the wall before it's over. boo. okay better go sleep.
my phone memory's wiped out, and i've lost all my 400+ contacts. SO. after you read this, and if i havent asked you yet [or you're somehow REALLY close to me]
MESSAGE ME YOUR NUMBER+NAME+SURNAME!
this includes the church pple. lala cherll blahblah. whoever who comes across this. and better still, GIVE ME JOSH+GANG'S NUMBER TOO!
and the choir pple!
and the jiangnan pple! ((:
dont cheat my feelings and give me a false number, i'll be heartbroken. im already so upset my precious contacts+hundreds of msgs are gone.
so PLEASE! be nice. (: and lend a helping hand!
your cooperation is REALLY appreciated! thanks!
ahh my head really hurts. has been banging for the whole day. should have gone for choir, but i think i'll just bang myself against the wall before it's over. boo. okay better go sleep.
you get me high`
7:34 AM
7:34 AM
Monday, January 17
[just like an angel youre gonna make me fly]
was listening to my friend's ipod just now. laughs, how memories flood back is amazing. okay just a sidenote. this entry has nothing to do with the last. different people. so very different. (:
haha i will omit the name, just in case he or his friends happen to visit yeah.
AH. ipod. guitars. amps. 'o's. track. vs. les amis. france/paris/italy/rome. everything reminds me of him! remember the time we used to be like siblings! jess me and him. how we'd conference every day. do our 'silence, again, shhh' trademark. [thats why if you hang out with jess, and there happens to be an uneasy silence, you'll hear us go 'silence. again' and waiting for the 'shh', but it nv comes. haha.] and how jess and i stay by your side every time you're on the verge of hitting the wall and bruising your knuckles. or like jamming it out on your forever-up-to-trend gits, and making us feel terribly jealous cause we're no where near you!
the most memorable seoul garden trips. the sausage master, beef master, and chicken master. i remember i fell really sick after our last visit. haha and i forgot all about my piano that day. got home and got scolded by my friend for eating seoul garden when im sick. OH. and the never ending refillable drinks! haha. the movies-wishing stairs was the most wickedd of all. how you were SO SCARED when youre supposed to be the tough guy. haha. and how freaked out we were. all our table hockey games, jess and i against you. and if im not wrong you'll still win. our 'you owe me a dwinkkk' antics.
the conferences. ah the conferences, that i believe made up a large portion of our apparent strong friendship. the REALLY FUNNY THINGS we'll say. and joking about teachers, bitching, comforting, and basic chatting. how jess and i would be so amused by your sister. and making sure youre nice to her-which you always are, it's amazing how you dote on her so much. the way you swoon and talk about girls you're interested in, which leaves jess and i wondering why'd you like them so much if they're always so mean to you. and your sch friends sometimes, being rather insensitive, and pissing you off. how jess and i would always, no matter what, make sure we're there to ensure youre not on the verge of suicide or hurting yourself physically in any way. the conferences, yes truly memorable ones.
studying with me in NUS lib for our sec two year ends. where the ipod comes in. when you'll be listening to your hoobastank-like songs, while i'll occasionally blast the volume, and you'll scream and pull the plugs out, haha. and how every would be glaring at you. heh. the fried rice i always have to buy for you cause you dont have the membership card handy. the table soccer thingy where you have to supply the dollar, and we'll keep playing and forget to study.
quarrels. usually centred between both of us. cause we're a lot more hot headed than jess is. but still, i believe they brought us closer. we understood each other more after patching up.
i dont remember life being so tough when i always had you and jess around. the conferences, for one, always cheer me up. maybe it's just cause life then wasnt that hard, work wasnt that tough. but still. im sure the friendship three of us had made a diff. we were like half siblings. but suddenly one fine day, jess and i realised how we're so taken for granted. how everything was just so one-sided. and how one day you just turned ice. so as to not continue our stupidity, we let go. we didnt wanna be fooled. but every so often, when we think of the good times we all spent together, the surge of anger/depression/confusion is impossible to suppress. we used to say we were almost best friends. now, i think we're not even friends. we dont even know each other. you dont care that we dont seem to talk to you. cause you nv made an effort to anyway.
one day if i see you in town coincidentally [cause i somehow havent, for like the past 2 years], i wont look at you. i wont want to. i wont acknowledge your presence at all. if we're introduced, i'd pretend i was just introduced to a stranger. curiosity, but not warmth nor familiarity. but i hope you see me. i hope you can tell how you hurt jess and i. through my actions. through my expression. i hope you feel the hurt we felt. i hope you'll miss our crazy antics. i hope you'll feel remorseful. but never, will we ever forget a friend like you. cause you have no clue how much we miss having you in our lives.
sorry i just had to vent.
[you flew too high and like Icarus, you collided]
was listening to my friend's ipod just now. laughs, how memories flood back is amazing. okay just a sidenote. this entry has nothing to do with the last. different people. so very different. (:
haha i will omit the name, just in case he or his friends happen to visit yeah.
AH. ipod. guitars. amps. 'o's. track. vs. les amis. france/paris/italy/rome. everything reminds me of him! remember the time we used to be like siblings! jess me and him. how we'd conference every day. do our 'silence, again, shhh' trademark. [thats why if you hang out with jess, and there happens to be an uneasy silence, you'll hear us go 'silence. again' and waiting for the 'shh', but it nv comes. haha.] and how jess and i stay by your side every time you're on the verge of hitting the wall and bruising your knuckles. or like jamming it out on your forever-up-to-trend gits, and making us feel terribly jealous cause we're no where near you!
the most memorable seoul garden trips. the sausage master, beef master, and chicken master. i remember i fell really sick after our last visit. haha and i forgot all about my piano that day. got home and got scolded by my friend for eating seoul garden when im sick. OH. and the never ending refillable drinks! haha. the movies-wishing stairs was the most wickedd of all. how you were SO SCARED when youre supposed to be the tough guy. haha. and how freaked out we were. all our table hockey games, jess and i against you. and if im not wrong you'll still win. our 'you owe me a dwinkkk' antics.
the conferences. ah the conferences, that i believe made up a large portion of our apparent strong friendship. the REALLY FUNNY THINGS we'll say. and joking about teachers, bitching, comforting, and basic chatting. how jess and i would be so amused by your sister. and making sure youre nice to her-which you always are, it's amazing how you dote on her so much. the way you swoon and talk about girls you're interested in, which leaves jess and i wondering why'd you like them so much if they're always so mean to you. and your sch friends sometimes, being rather insensitive, and pissing you off. how jess and i would always, no matter what, make sure we're there to ensure youre not on the verge of suicide or hurting yourself physically in any way. the conferences, yes truly memorable ones.
studying with me in NUS lib for our sec two year ends. where the ipod comes in. when you'll be listening to your hoobastank-like songs, while i'll occasionally blast the volume, and you'll scream and pull the plugs out, haha. and how every would be glaring at you. heh. the fried rice i always have to buy for you cause you dont have the membership card handy. the table soccer thingy where you have to supply the dollar, and we'll keep playing and forget to study.
quarrels. usually centred between both of us. cause we're a lot more hot headed than jess is. but still, i believe they brought us closer. we understood each other more after patching up.
i dont remember life being so tough when i always had you and jess around. the conferences, for one, always cheer me up. maybe it's just cause life then wasnt that hard, work wasnt that tough. but still. im sure the friendship three of us had made a diff. we were like half siblings. but suddenly one fine day, jess and i realised how we're so taken for granted. how everything was just so one-sided. and how one day you just turned ice. so as to not continue our stupidity, we let go. we didnt wanna be fooled. but every so often, when we think of the good times we all spent together, the surge of anger/depression/confusion is impossible to suppress. we used to say we were almost best friends. now, i think we're not even friends. we dont even know each other. you dont care that we dont seem to talk to you. cause you nv made an effort to anyway.
one day if i see you in town coincidentally [cause i somehow havent, for like the past 2 years], i wont look at you. i wont want to. i wont acknowledge your presence at all. if we're introduced, i'd pretend i was just introduced to a stranger. curiosity, but not warmth nor familiarity. but i hope you see me. i hope you can tell how you hurt jess and i. through my actions. through my expression. i hope you feel the hurt we felt. i hope you'll miss our crazy antics. i hope you'll feel remorseful. but never, will we ever forget a friend like you. cause you have no clue how much we miss having you in our lives.
sorry i just had to vent.
[you flew too high and like Icarus, you collided]
you get me high`
10:16 PM
10:16 PM
Sunday, January 16
[deep down i know it's best to stop what i do]
this is happening again. memories, pain, im all starting to reminisce.
y'know sometimes i really just wished you'd hug me so tight like there's no tomorrow. till i cant breathe. till you slowly take away the pain im feeling. excruciating. i wanna be able to lie on your shoulder and know that there isnt any feeling better than that. i dont wanna feel so alone all the time. so helpless. i want to know that you're thinking of me, and that im not somehow forgotten. i dont want to always clutch the forlorn air wishing you were there. maybe im just crazy. maybe im just crazy about you. i love it how your eyes always seem to take me to another universe, where there's peace and love. quiet yet beautiful. how your smirks are ever so cute. i cant believe i'm still alive, after not seeing you for such a long time. i dont know how i did it. some say absence makes a heart grow fonder. but what if it's too long an absence. im afraid i'll feel so suffocated. so suffocated till i die, and live again. and in my new life, you're not that. no more memories of you. whether to haunt me or to make me smile. though school is pressurizing, you know i wont feel it if i know youre there, always cheering me on. i dont wanna feel lost again. really, i dont. i wanna see deep into you, albeit your cold appearance...
you know what. this attraction must stop.
i should let it burn.
happy 20th birthday my brother.
so we put an end to it this time
this is happening again. memories, pain, im all starting to reminisce.
y'know sometimes i really just wished you'd hug me so tight like there's no tomorrow. till i cant breathe. till you slowly take away the pain im feeling. excruciating. i wanna be able to lie on your shoulder and know that there isnt any feeling better than that. i dont wanna feel so alone all the time. so helpless. i want to know that you're thinking of me, and that im not somehow forgotten. i dont want to always clutch the forlorn air wishing you were there. maybe im just crazy. maybe im just crazy about you. i love it how your eyes always seem to take me to another universe, where there's peace and love. quiet yet beautiful. how your smirks are ever so cute. i cant believe i'm still alive, after not seeing you for such a long time. i dont know how i did it. some say absence makes a heart grow fonder. but what if it's too long an absence. im afraid i'll feel so suffocated. so suffocated till i die, and live again. and in my new life, you're not that. no more memories of you. whether to haunt me or to make me smile. though school is pressurizing, you know i wont feel it if i know youre there, always cheering me on. i dont wanna feel lost again. really, i dont. i wanna see deep into you, albeit your cold appearance...
i should let it burn.
happy 20th birthday my brother.
so we put an end to it this time
you get me high`
1:48 AM
1:48 AM
Saturday, January 15
[i'll be there for youuuu...
...like i've been there before]
ah didnt blog yesterday, and i wanted to keep up the record of blogging like every day. haha. yesterday!
twas a long day. school. cha didnt come! neither did charlene. so just left poor nikki and i sitting behind class. haha. but it was fun. (: i love my ah ma. but i dont think it's vice versa. hahaha. okay nvm. (: well lessons werent too bad. tingxie marks were a bit -.- but it's still better than last year! the most exasperating thing's that i get all the cheem new words right, but i dont remember my basic words. grr.
then choir. HAHA choir. sectionals. laughss. we rock! our sectional item's gonna be a blast. (: theres no reason why it wouldnt be. heh. then our busking item's so... funny! haha. terribly cute. (: hope this concert would be thumbs up. (: heh. like the sec one year! LIMMY came down! she's in acj now, and she's having SO MUCH FUN. mann, it's like so influential. she comes and tells us all about ac, and suddenly you just dont wanna go to rj. haha. i miss limmy. and velda. whose blog is locked now. -.- grumbles. boo i love them two very very muchh. when're they coming back!
oh did i mention mr yang's like retardedly amusing. the things he say are so, like, stupid, and senseless, but yet really corny/lame. i wonder if its on purpose.
urm after choir went to church. got there early so did some work. then suddenly i heard someone go 'hello my darlingg'. i looked up, JOSH! haha. then we talked till xian came, which was shortly after. then we did bible study! with the musicians. mmhmm. banana jase mikh rach josh joce lance lala me. (: yay. haha. mostly my buncha people. charlotte didnt wanna come cause she was practising with xian the next day, thought it might be too taxing. which i thought was rather funny cause rj ended lectures rather early i heard. ah well.
well today! flag day. mann. amk mrt at 8. gosh but i was there like, early! haha. anyway after settling the cans with the terribly inflexible people, cha and i set off! went to j8 for breakfast. HAHA. french toasts, i must say they were good stuff. ANYWAY. we went to yio chu kang, suggested by the genius yours truly. and we had the most funfilled flag day ever. hahahaha. and our cans were rather filled! (: ah accomplishment.
went to ps for awhile to pick up presents for mummy and bro. bro's bday's like tmr! and mum's the day after tmr. yay we're having a nicenice dinner out tmr to celebrate! i love my brother! i really do. (: and im so happy he's turning 20. okay not happy, just, er happy for him. besides i get to benefit too. haha the more he earns through coaching, the more stuff i get sometimes. (: happyhappy.
ooh i just saw wang lee hom's video. ah crap i think he's damn hot. haha. plus talented. ah. and i just watched me myself and irene. HAHAHA.
oh i love you now
cause now i realise
that it's safe outside
to come alive in my identity
...like i've been there before]
ah didnt blog yesterday, and i wanted to keep up the record of blogging like every day. haha. yesterday!
twas a long day. school. cha didnt come! neither did charlene. so just left poor nikki and i sitting behind class. haha. but it was fun. (: i love my ah ma. but i dont think it's vice versa. hahaha. okay nvm. (: well lessons werent too bad. tingxie marks were a bit -.- but it's still better than last year! the most exasperating thing's that i get all the cheem new words right, but i dont remember my basic words. grr.
then choir. HAHA choir. sectionals. laughss. we rock! our sectional item's gonna be a blast. (: theres no reason why it wouldnt be. heh. then our busking item's so... funny! haha. terribly cute. (: hope this concert would be thumbs up. (: heh. like the sec one year! LIMMY came down! she's in acj now, and she's having SO MUCH FUN. mann, it's like so influential. she comes and tells us all about ac, and suddenly you just dont wanna go to rj. haha. i miss limmy. and velda. whose blog is locked now. -.- grumbles. boo i love them two very very muchh. when're they coming back!
oh did i mention mr yang's like retardedly amusing. the things he say are so, like, stupid, and senseless, but yet really corny/lame. i wonder if its on purpose.
urm after choir went to church. got there early so did some work. then suddenly i heard someone go 'hello my darlingg'. i looked up, JOSH! haha. then we talked till xian came, which was shortly after. then we did bible study! with the musicians. mmhmm. banana jase mikh rach josh joce lance lala me. (: yay. haha. mostly my buncha people. charlotte didnt wanna come cause she was practising with xian the next day, thought it might be too taxing. which i thought was rather funny cause rj ended lectures rather early i heard. ah well.
well today! flag day. mann. amk mrt at 8. gosh but i was there like, early! haha. anyway after settling the cans with the terribly inflexible people, cha and i set off! went to j8 for breakfast. HAHA. french toasts, i must say they were good stuff. ANYWAY. we went to yio chu kang, suggested by the genius yours truly. and we had the most funfilled flag day ever. hahahaha. and our cans were rather filled! (: ah accomplishment.
went to ps for awhile to pick up presents for mummy and bro. bro's bday's like tmr! and mum's the day after tmr. yay we're having a nicenice dinner out tmr to celebrate! i love my brother! i really do. (: and im so happy he's turning 20. okay not happy, just, er happy for him. besides i get to benefit too. haha the more he earns through coaching, the more stuff i get sometimes. (: happyhappy.
ooh i just saw wang lee hom's video. ah crap i think he's damn hot. haha. plus talented. ah. and i just watched me myself and irene. HAHAHA.
oh i love you now
cause now i realise
that it's safe outside
to come alive in my identity
you get me high`
5:07 AM
5:07 AM
Thursday, January 13
[you make me wanna lala!]
in the kitchen on the floor! hahahaha. sorry the song really grows on me.
was downloading ryan cabrera songs, rather nice! just that maybe the whole guitar based thing might get a bit draggy after listening to too many of his songs.
okay. so it's confirmed. i've gotta choreo a dance for choir concert! i dont know whether to be happy or sad. no wait, im scared. haha. i mean it's my honour and all! but im really scared i'll fall short of expectations made by other people. and even myself. cause of my whole i-dont-like-cheerleaders-dance its-not-hiphop thing. if i cant produce a better a dance, what gives me the right to comment on the cheerleaders. no offence, really. cheerleaders are superb in their own ways. just not the type i like. personal preference. at least they're flexible. well at least i've more or less decided on the song, it's really cool. just hope it's not too fast. ah. how. plus it's not just doing four eights, but like, the whole song. which is terrible. nvm, i'll pray about it. (:
ohh, we had cell group during lunch today! thank God for abby! she's sucha blessing. and sucha child of Him. (: she'll surely be blessed. hopefully it'd expand! and sophia's dad's a pastor. like, whoa, i never knew. haha. i think sophia's cool. like quiet, cool. not like me, i talk too much. laugh too much. and i just appear to be some retarded insane high, urm, freak. heh.
our chinese teacher is amazingly stimulating. maybe it's the way she speaks- extremely assertive. but yet, it gives you the drive to press on. to like, do well. hopefully i wont fail my hcl Os. haha.
i have decided to sleep early tonight. my eyelids are closingggg.
i want the N6170! it's driving me crazy. i think it's really pretty.
choir! okay. choir. inscriptions. haha. it's beautiful. but my gosh, we've nv done such a hard piece in eons. all the flats and sharps. haha. insanity. and our busking item! haha it's sucha joke. i wanna sing 'i'll be there for you!' but nvm. shh. it's a special item. heh. cannot let the audience know what we're doing on! or it wont be great. haha. (: it was a flop, tho! heh nvm. we barely practised. sectional items were adorable.
you make me wanna screammmmmm
ahhh how. i cant go on without you. it's burning inside my head. but i feel so alone with you, now i cant survive. it must be your eyes.
will i make it on timeeeee
in the kitchen on the floor! hahahaha. sorry the song really grows on me.
was downloading ryan cabrera songs, rather nice! just that maybe the whole guitar based thing might get a bit draggy after listening to too many of his songs.
okay. so it's confirmed. i've gotta choreo a dance for choir concert! i dont know whether to be happy or sad. no wait, im scared. haha. i mean it's my honour and all! but im really scared i'll fall short of expectations made by other people. and even myself. cause of my whole i-dont-like-cheerleaders-dance its-not-hiphop thing. if i cant produce a better a dance, what gives me the right to comment on the cheerleaders. no offence, really. cheerleaders are superb in their own ways. just not the type i like. personal preference. at least they're flexible. well at least i've more or less decided on the song, it's really cool. just hope it's not too fast. ah. how. plus it's not just doing four eights, but like, the whole song. which is terrible. nvm, i'll pray about it. (:
ohh, we had cell group during lunch today! thank God for abby! she's sucha blessing. and sucha child of Him. (: she'll surely be blessed. hopefully it'd expand! and sophia's dad's a pastor. like, whoa, i never knew. haha. i think sophia's cool. like quiet, cool. not like me, i talk too much. laugh too much. and i just appear to be some retarded insane high, urm, freak. heh.
our chinese teacher is amazingly stimulating. maybe it's the way she speaks- extremely assertive. but yet, it gives you the drive to press on. to like, do well. hopefully i wont fail my hcl Os. haha.
i have decided to sleep early tonight. my eyelids are closingggg.
i want the N6170! it's driving me crazy. i think it's really pretty.
choir! okay. choir. inscriptions. haha. it's beautiful. but my gosh, we've nv done such a hard piece in eons. all the flats and sharps. haha. insanity. and our busking item! haha it's sucha joke. i wanna sing 'i'll be there for you!' but nvm. shh. it's a special item. heh. cannot let the audience know what we're doing on! or it wont be great. haha. (: it was a flop, tho! heh nvm. we barely practised. sectional items were adorable.
you make me wanna screammmmmm
ahhh how. i cant go on without you. it's burning inside my head. but i feel so alone with you, now i cant survive. it must be your eyes.
will i make it on timeeeee
you get me high`
6:16 AM
6:16 AM
Wednesday, January 12
guilty feet have got no rhythmn.
laughs. a saxaphone-based song. wonder what that reminds you of.
anyway you know, chermaine doesnt have like a gb or tagboard. it's disturbing. SO im just gonna say what i wanna say here! firstly,
HAPPY BDAY MY FELLOW NUT! [though i dont really know the exact date, sorry]
I LOVE YOU LIKE MAD! ((:
and secondly,
cheer up girl! i dont know whats going on, but cheer up! cause, haha, WE ALL LOVE YOU LIKE MAD! (((:
okay. heh. it's weird how when i state that i havent been talking to someone for ages, i getta talk to the person during that day. it's... weird. im happy anyway. cause i dont feel so distant, at least from today. ooh, and im gonna shop for nick's gradnight outfit with him! i bet you he'll look the best. haha. (: of course with my terribly *coughs* good taste. it's so odd how he's actually looking forward to grad night, or at least it seems so. he couldnt stop talking about it. like whether rg and ri will have it on the same night. whether people crash gradnights. ladeedumdeedum. i wonder what i will wear anyway. and what other people will wear. so fun so fun.
hmm, there's someone who yahoo searched for eejia, and since then he/she keeps coming. very disturbing. plus there is the very disturbing girl who keeps coming, however she closed down her blog, and now i cant read what she has been writing about kate lala and i. -.- i think she's got a new one, just that it's password protected. bleagh. if only i could hack. can you give me your password! cause i wanna read. just, very interested. i wont blow your cover, i promise! (: heh.
schoolschool. i havent finished the crucible. hang me, somebody.
laughs. a saxaphone-based song. wonder what that reminds you of.
anyway you know, chermaine doesnt have like a gb or tagboard. it's disturbing. SO im just gonna say what i wanna say here! firstly,
HAPPY BDAY MY FELLOW NUT! [though i dont really know the exact date, sorry]
I LOVE YOU LIKE MAD! ((:
and secondly,
cheer up girl! i dont know whats going on, but cheer up! cause, haha, WE ALL LOVE YOU LIKE MAD! (((:
okay. heh. it's weird how when i state that i havent been talking to someone for ages, i getta talk to the person during that day. it's... weird. im happy anyway. cause i dont feel so distant, at least from today. ooh, and im gonna shop for nick's gradnight outfit with him! i bet you he'll look the best. haha. (: of course with my terribly *coughs* good taste. it's so odd how he's actually looking forward to grad night, or at least it seems so. he couldnt stop talking about it. like whether rg and ri will have it on the same night. whether people crash gradnights. ladeedumdeedum. i wonder what i will wear anyway. and what other people will wear. so fun so fun.
hmm, there's someone who yahoo searched for eejia, and since then he/she keeps coming. very disturbing. plus there is the very disturbing girl who keeps coming, however she closed down her blog, and now i cant read what she has been writing about kate lala and i. -.- i think she's got a new one, just that it's password protected. bleagh. if only i could hack. can you give me your password! cause i wanna read. just, very interested. i wont blow your cover, i promise! (: heh.
schoolschool. i havent finished the crucible. hang me, somebody.
you get me high`
6:17 AM
6:17 AM
Tuesday, January 11
[its driving me crazy cause im missing my baby]
ugh. woke up with a terrible headache. mum didnt let me go to school. -.- ugh. it's wednesday! i wanna go! i'll be missing lit! ugh. fine, not that i've finished reading the crucible, but still! boohoohoo. i think i'll be missing math too! which means i wont be able to like speed-complete the worksheets. grumbles. nvm. sleep deprivation. maybe i should use this chance to try to catch up on more rest.
yay started on probabilty with mdm ong last night. ha im still faster than school! haha. i hate probabilty. i cant stand those you-either-get-it-or-you-dont topics. cause i never get them. haha. well it's not hard, it's just...taxing to think of all the probabilities. grumbles. was supposed to go play pool with jess later! but now i cant since i didnt go to school. grr.
nvm im gonna research on the suzhou industrial park. haha. and whatever other work we have. mmhmm.
school distracts you eh. like, being too busy and stuff, doesnt leave you enough time to sit down and think. to miss people. ladeedum. speaking of which, i havent spoken to nick for ages! wonder how he is, that strange goodlooking-almost-blonde genius. haha. somehow i hope he'll go to rj. maybe just being selfish, but i do hope so. hope his application to somewhere else doesnt work. bleagh. or i'll just be depressed and melt.
okay then. research time. toodles.
truth hurts
ugh. woke up with a terrible headache. mum didnt let me go to school. -.- ugh. it's wednesday! i wanna go! i'll be missing lit! ugh. fine, not that i've finished reading the crucible, but still! boohoohoo. i think i'll be missing math too! which means i wont be able to like speed-complete the worksheets. grumbles. nvm. sleep deprivation. maybe i should use this chance to try to catch up on more rest.
yay started on probabilty with mdm ong last night. ha im still faster than school! haha. i hate probabilty. i cant stand those you-either-get-it-or-you-dont topics. cause i never get them. haha. well it's not hard, it's just...taxing to think of all the probabilities. grumbles. was supposed to go play pool with jess later! but now i cant since i didnt go to school. grr.
nvm im gonna research on the suzhou industrial park. haha. and whatever other work we have. mmhmm.
school distracts you eh. like, being too busy and stuff, doesnt leave you enough time to sit down and think. to miss people. ladeedum. speaking of which, i havent spoken to nick for ages! wonder how he is, that strange goodlooking-almost-blonde genius. haha. somehow i hope he'll go to rj. maybe just being selfish, but i do hope so. hope his application to somewhere else doesnt work. bleagh. or i'll just be depressed and melt.
okay then. research time. toodles.
truth hurts
you get me high`
7:43 PM
7:43 PM
JOSEPH'S PRAYER
by Max Lucado
Nothing stirs so many questions as does the birth of Christ. The innkeeper too busy to welcome God-did he ever learn who he turned away? The shepherds-did they ever hum the song the angels sang? The wise men who followed the star-what was it like to worship a toddler? And Joseph, especially Joseph. I've got questions for Joseph.
What was he thinking while Jesus was being born? He'd done all he could do-he'd made Mary as comfortable as she could be in a barn and then he stepped out. She'd asked to be alone, and Joseph has never felt more so.
In that eternity between his wife's dismissal and Jesus' arrival, what was he thinking? He walked into the night and looked into the stars. Did he pray?
I wonder what he said …
This isn't the way I planned it, God. This doesn't seem right. What kind of husband am I? I provide no midwife to aid my wife. No bed to rest her back. Her pillow is a blanket from my donkey. My house for her is a shed of hay and straw.
Did I miss something? Did I, God?
You've stood where Joseph stood. Caught between what God says and what makes sense. You've done what he told you to do only to wonder if it was him speaking in the first place. You've stared into a sky blackened with doubt.
If you are asking what Joseph asked, let me urge you to do what Joseph did. Obey. That's what he did. He obeyed when the angel called. He obeyed when Mary explained. He obeyed when God sent.
Just like Joseph, you can't see the whole picture. Just like Joseph your task is to see that Jesus is brought into your part of your world. And just like Joseph you have a choice: to obey or disobey. Because Joseph obeyed, God used him to change the world.
Can he do the same with you?
by Max Lucado
Nothing stirs so many questions as does the birth of Christ. The innkeeper too busy to welcome God-did he ever learn who he turned away? The shepherds-did they ever hum the song the angels sang? The wise men who followed the star-what was it like to worship a toddler? And Joseph, especially Joseph. I've got questions for Joseph.
What was he thinking while Jesus was being born? He'd done all he could do-he'd made Mary as comfortable as she could be in a barn and then he stepped out. She'd asked to be alone, and Joseph has never felt more so.
In that eternity between his wife's dismissal and Jesus' arrival, what was he thinking? He walked into the night and looked into the stars. Did he pray?
I wonder what he said …
This isn't the way I planned it, God. This doesn't seem right. What kind of husband am I? I provide no midwife to aid my wife. No bed to rest her back. Her pillow is a blanket from my donkey. My house for her is a shed of hay and straw.
Did I miss something? Did I, God?
You've stood where Joseph stood. Caught between what God says and what makes sense. You've done what he told you to do only to wonder if it was him speaking in the first place. You've stared into a sky blackened with doubt.
If you are asking what Joseph asked, let me urge you to do what Joseph did. Obey. That's what he did. He obeyed when the angel called. He obeyed when Mary explained. He obeyed when God sent.
Just like Joseph, you can't see the whole picture. Just like Joseph your task is to see that Jesus is brought into your part of your world. And just like Joseph you have a choice: to obey or disobey. Because Joseph obeyed, God used him to change the world.
Can he do the same with you?
you get me high`
6:53 AM
6:53 AM
Monday, January 10
[this is for my girls]
its amazing how inconsiderate us singaporeans can be. sometimes i really am ashamed of being known as one. okay maybe more often than sometimes, but it's time like these when i just wanna cover my face and scurry away. was at library@orchard after lunch with cha, waiting for mum to pick me while i embark on my journey [once again] to complete the dreaded chinese comprehensions. i did, what, 6 questions in say an hour? unproductive? maybe. but if not for the constant BLASTING of ridiculous handphone tunes, and the horribly loud "HELLO AH BENG ARH?" [alright name being changed, haha]. i dont see why they dont have the basic courtesy to check if their phones are on silent before they enter a library. a word that connotates quiet and peaceful. thus we go there to do our work, hopefully in peace. and that's not just it. we've got people laughing at the top of their lungs, and talking like there's no tmr, and so they have to SHOUT so the WHOLE WORLD can hear them. -.- courtesy courtesy. there should be like a song where is the courtesy or smthg. okay dont mind me, just, really disturbed by these people.
the ten years series is really killing me. thinking of it gives me the shudders. esp the comprehensions! i can hardly... comprehend them! plus we've gotta do SO many. it wouldnt have been so bad if i got the book during the hols, but no, i only got it on the second day of school. usually, it's very possible to be completed. but we havent even started on sec4's curriculum, which means ive gotta check the dictionary for every word in the hanyu section, which is just terribly time consuming.
breathes in, breathes out
haha, i cant stand it. he's really unpredictable. like, really. but i do think it's really fresh talking to someone who is, well, considerably naive for his age. on the contrary to the usual witty intellectual people, with a wicked sense of humour, but very much all through what we know as intelligent jokes. lowchunyee would be a great example. haha. dont get me wrong, it's honestly amusing to talk to him, and try to make a comeback for yourself, but usually in vain. but haha what he did last night, was just. unpredictable. that's all i can say. but other than that, i think he's terribly adorable! haha like the way he speaks. and the way he goes 'hey! sarcasm!' but maybe, as rucha and everyone else says, im just being bias. (: the saxaphone the saxaphone! anyone remembered how i used to swoon about saxists? laughs.
though quite a few of my friends have came up with a conclusion that im only occupying my mind with him, to well, forget about someone else. im not completely ruling that out, in fact i think it's true to a certain extent. but well, even if i wanted to go back to the past, i cant, can i. so why not just move on. or at least, try to.
have i mentioned im so terribly cheezed the people who went to taiwan got to be on the variety show with shin. and the worst is they all didnt care about them cause they dont really listen to chinese rock music. BOOHOOHOO. like, flop. -.- why didnt i go to taiwan! grr.
steals my heart when he takes my hand
and we dance, to the rhythm of the band
i feel his finger tips, grip my hips
and I slip as we dip into a state of bliss
its amazing how inconsiderate us singaporeans can be. sometimes i really am ashamed of being known as one. okay maybe more often than sometimes, but it's time like these when i just wanna cover my face and scurry away. was at library@orchard after lunch with cha, waiting for mum to pick me while i embark on my journey [once again] to complete the dreaded chinese comprehensions. i did, what, 6 questions in say an hour? unproductive? maybe. but if not for the constant BLASTING of ridiculous handphone tunes, and the horribly loud "HELLO AH BENG ARH?" [alright name being changed, haha]. i dont see why they dont have the basic courtesy to check if their phones are on silent before they enter a library. a word that connotates quiet and peaceful. thus we go there to do our work, hopefully in peace. and that's not just it. we've got people laughing at the top of their lungs, and talking like there's no tmr, and so they have to SHOUT so the WHOLE WORLD can hear them. -.- courtesy courtesy. there should be like a song where is the courtesy or smthg. okay dont mind me, just, really disturbed by these people.
the ten years series is really killing me. thinking of it gives me the shudders. esp the comprehensions! i can hardly... comprehend them! plus we've gotta do SO many. it wouldnt have been so bad if i got the book during the hols, but no, i only got it on the second day of school. usually, it's very possible to be completed. but we havent even started on sec4's curriculum, which means ive gotta check the dictionary for every word in the hanyu section, which is just terribly time consuming.
breathes in, breathes out
haha, i cant stand it. he's really unpredictable. like, really. but i do think it's really fresh talking to someone who is, well, considerably naive for his age. on the contrary to the usual witty intellectual people, with a wicked sense of humour, but very much all through what we know as intelligent jokes. lowchunyee would be a great example. haha. dont get me wrong, it's honestly amusing to talk to him, and try to make a comeback for yourself, but usually in vain. but haha what he did last night, was just. unpredictable. that's all i can say. but other than that, i think he's terribly adorable! haha like the way he speaks. and the way he goes 'hey! sarcasm!' but maybe, as rucha and everyone else says, im just being bias. (: the saxaphone the saxaphone! anyone remembered how i used to swoon about saxists? laughs.
though quite a few of my friends have came up with a conclusion that im only occupying my mind with him, to well, forget about someone else. im not completely ruling that out, in fact i think it's true to a certain extent. but well, even if i wanted to go back to the past, i cant, can i. so why not just move on. or at least, try to.
have i mentioned im so terribly cheezed the people who went to taiwan got to be on the variety show with shin. and the worst is they all didnt care about them cause they dont really listen to chinese rock music. BOOHOOHOO. like, flop. -.- why didnt i go to taiwan! grr.
steals my heart when he takes my hand
and we dance, to the rhythm of the band
i feel his finger tips, grip my hips
and I slip as we dip into a state of bliss
you get me high`
1:25 AM
1:25 AM
Sunday, January 9
[i cant hold on much longer lets go tonight]
i have permanently made my room my work place. cause i love the floor so much. plus moving my com's speakers to my room is a good idea. though dim lights make me sleepy, it feels like im in my own paradise...doing my work.
listening to my old tracks, and i realise how christina aguilera's songs are so versatile. she sings almost all kinda of genres, it never bores you. moreover her voice quality's gorgeouss. (:
did i mention budak went well? laughs. i love choir. we had the funniest sectionals earlier that day. comical. retarded. plain retarded. but we rock. (: and yes i say it again, i love choir. on the contrary to popular belief that choir is boring, just singing songs all day, you make the best friends/juniors there, plus songs are nice [you hafta have the passion, dude!], and we're just the craziest buncha people around. haha.
today was full of disappointments. okay, just one. but one major one. i guess weeks of waiting were not long enough. nevermind, absence makes the heart grow fonder. plus the usual person doing all his best to give me attitude-which, totally pisses me off. but nevermind. dance was fantastic, it was so fun and so groovy. but there wasnt anyone there to make the steps look so awesomely cool, yet messy. but you know, nevermind.
nevermind nevermind nevermind
i'm being so overworked slash stressed slash anxious about getting my work done. so much so that i slept at 3 last night, and i end up being sick today. the flu kills. it drains your energy, till you decide to give up at what you're doing and indulge in a very good deep sleep. i'll sleep early tonight, hopefully.
so, my agenda for today.
-to complete my v. long sum up for rs so far for my new mentor [shes super cute, laughs]
-and to finish the script, and send it to annalyn. [ling, can i send you. my printer's being a pain]
and i'll leave my 'gcse o level hcl papers' for tmr. my brain's not working fast enough to complete five comprehensions and summary, moreover in chinese.
but hooray to me i've finished most of the hanyu and zao ju. plus finished learning tingxie.
talk about randomness. this has got to change, haha.
its so amazing how something so sweet
has come and rearranged my life
i've been kissed by destiny,
oh heaven came and saved me
an angel was placed at my feet,
this isn't ordinary-
he's loving me 4 me
i have permanently made my room my work place. cause i love the floor so much. plus moving my com's speakers to my room is a good idea. though dim lights make me sleepy, it feels like im in my own paradise...doing my work.
listening to my old tracks, and i realise how christina aguilera's songs are so versatile. she sings almost all kinda of genres, it never bores you. moreover her voice quality's gorgeouss. (:
did i mention budak went well? laughs. i love choir. we had the funniest sectionals earlier that day. comical. retarded. plain retarded. but we rock. (: and yes i say it again, i love choir. on the contrary to popular belief that choir is boring, just singing songs all day, you make the best friends/juniors there, plus songs are nice [you hafta have the passion, dude!], and we're just the craziest buncha people around. haha.
today was full of disappointments. okay, just one. but one major one. i guess weeks of waiting were not long enough. nevermind, absence makes the heart grow fonder. plus the usual person doing all his best to give me attitude-which, totally pisses me off. but nevermind. dance was fantastic, it was so fun and so groovy. but there wasnt anyone there to make the steps look so awesomely cool, yet messy. but you know, nevermind.
nevermind nevermind nevermind
i'm being so overworked slash stressed slash anxious about getting my work done. so much so that i slept at 3 last night, and i end up being sick today. the flu kills. it drains your energy, till you decide to give up at what you're doing and indulge in a very good deep sleep. i'll sleep early tonight, hopefully.
so, my agenda for today.
-to complete my v. long sum up for rs so far for my new mentor [shes super cute, laughs]
-and to finish the script, and send it to annalyn. [ling, can i send you. my printer's being a pain]
and i'll leave my 'gcse o level hcl papers' for tmr. my brain's not working fast enough to complete five comprehensions and summary, moreover in chinese.
but hooray to me i've finished most of the hanyu and zao ju. plus finished learning tingxie.
talk about randomness. this has got to change, haha.
its so amazing how something so sweet
has come and rearranged my life
i've been kissed by destiny,
oh heaven came and saved me
an angel was placed at my feet,
this isn't ordinary-
he's loving me 4 me
you get me high`
2:07 AM
2:07 AM
Saturday, January 8
when caps collide. (:
the media's really fake. all those charity shows you see are just fake. all an act. good experience for me, going for the fulldress. everything's so very fake.
the salsa number was excellent, though. (: watch it tmr on tv.
plus jess had jon to talk to. how cool's that.
i couldnt ask for more than having you near
you get me high`
8:01 AM
8:01 AM
Friday, January 7
[you dont know ma name]
i was THIS close!! it almost worked out! i almost had the perfect companion to watch the full dress ren ci charity show! dwoobs!
budak today was great! triple thanks to gary for dropping by right after he booked out from camp! touched! (: happiness.
a few more daysss. ((:
okay im watching practical magic. i really wanna watch it properly! ((: ITS FINALLY FRIDAY!
tricks of the trade
i was THIS close!! it almost worked out! i almost had the perfect companion to watch the full dress ren ci charity show! dwoobs!
budak today was great! triple thanks to gary for dropping by right after he booked out from camp! touched! (: happiness.
a few more daysss. ((:
okay im watching practical magic. i really wanna watch it properly! ((: ITS FINALLY FRIDAY!
tricks of the trade
you get me high`
7:12 AM
7:12 AM
Thursday, January 6
[guess i AM outta my mind]
laughs, okay. excuse my entry yesterday. everyone's slightly confused what's wrong with me. (: im perfectly fine.
aww anyway ryan's gone. sniffs- i'll post up the picture i took with him! soon, at least. haha. boo my favorite capperson's gone. went to his place today. didnt wanna go to the airport cause it was too far, though i know he wanted me there. heh, next time. (: his place is damn chio! haha, alright what a description. but honestly! i think its furnished really nicely. (: and his sis is from rj! i nv knew. boohoohoo. i shall wait for march 19th. haha.
i am so enlightened by lowchunyee. hahaha. on my sorry plight, and what's it gonna be like in jc. plus WHY it is happening. ((: haha. but he just made me feel stupid, again! cheat my feelings. tmd. but i've figured i cant change what i just am! what i just do, naturally, without my knowing really. but AH WELL. what to do. (:
countdowncountdown. a few days more.
school work's been piling. im gonna hit the pillows.
i miss you
laughs, okay. excuse my entry yesterday. everyone's slightly confused what's wrong with me. (: im perfectly fine.
aww anyway ryan's gone. sniffs- i'll post up the picture i took with him! soon, at least. haha. boo my favorite capperson's gone. went to his place today. didnt wanna go to the airport cause it was too far, though i know he wanted me there. heh, next time. (: his place is damn chio! haha, alright what a description. but honestly! i think its furnished really nicely. (: and his sis is from rj! i nv knew. boohoohoo. i shall wait for march 19th. haha.
i am so enlightened by lowchunyee. hahaha. on my sorry plight, and what's it gonna be like in jc. plus WHY it is happening. ((: haha. but he just made me feel stupid, again! cheat my feelings. tmd. but i've figured i cant change what i just am! what i just do, naturally, without my knowing really. but AH WELL. what to do. (:
countdowncountdown. a few days more.
school work's been piling. im gonna hit the pillows.
i miss you
you get me high`
4:59 AM
4:59 AM
Wednesday, January 5
[am i going outta my mind]
i want you to miss me when im not there.
i want you to watch after a disappearing back and wound yourself on the sharp edges of an absence-
i want a sudden remembrance to flood your senses, to wake a terrible longing under the skin, to slice
into e heart and leave you crying out on this side of the night.
i want your arms to ache with emptinesses, your hands to clutch at forlorn air, your ears to ring with silences
i want you to search the night and trace in the pattern of stars a foetal hope, to listen for the breath of
voice in the haunting wind.
i want to haunt you, to lurk in e unknowing mind, to scorch your fingertips with a remembered warmth.
i want you to eat fire for me-
i want you to want me too
my phantom lover in the deep black jazz night,
his ghost hands whispering down the strings
of the heart and playing them with the lightest touch
drugging the dreams with deep saxophone notes
of deep longing, binding the soul, shivering down
the bones and infusing them with a mute cry,
a sudden sharp ache of loneliness.
i guess we're just one winged angels just learning how to fly
riding the piercing sweetness of hope with a pair of dreamer's wings,
shaped of a song tender, and tremulous,
soaring high into the clear night
and waking all the stars to dance,
a great golden shower of this exuberant exquisite joy.
this is our time, this diamond night
the bewitching hour,
this dreamtime perfumed with the sandman's sleep
this velvet wilderness of a wondrous grace
and these our hands will find each other.
sorry, i've just been thinking a lot. (:
look at me, the centre of your world
i want you to miss me when im not there.
i want you to watch after a disappearing back and wound yourself on the sharp edges of an absence-
i want a sudden remembrance to flood your senses, to wake a terrible longing under the skin, to slice
into e heart and leave you crying out on this side of the night.
i want your arms to ache with emptinesses, your hands to clutch at forlorn air, your ears to ring with silences
i want you to search the night and trace in the pattern of stars a foetal hope, to listen for the breath of
voice in the haunting wind.
i want to haunt you, to lurk in e unknowing mind, to scorch your fingertips with a remembered warmth.
i want you to eat fire for me-
i want you to want me too
my phantom lover in the deep black jazz night,
his ghost hands whispering down the strings
of the heart and playing them with the lightest touch
drugging the dreams with deep saxophone notes
of deep longing, binding the soul, shivering down
the bones and infusing them with a mute cry,
a sudden sharp ache of loneliness.
i guess we're just one winged angels just learning how to fly
riding the piercing sweetness of hope with a pair of dreamer's wings,
shaped of a song tender, and tremulous,
soaring high into the clear night
and waking all the stars to dance,
a great golden shower of this exuberant exquisite joy.
this is our time, this diamond night
the bewitching hour,
this dreamtime perfumed with the sandman's sleep
this velvet wilderness of a wondrous grace
and these our hands will find each other.
sorry, i've just been thinking a lot. (:
look at me, the centre of your world
you get me high`
3:46 AM
3:46 AM
Monday, January 3
[i drove myself insane wishing i could touch your face]
certainly an inspiring english lesson i just had. a new, refreshed way to approach english this time around. as i'd quote, english is the language of power. funny how true it is, isnt it. look around you, and realise that the people with the gift of gab would excel in life [take my brother, per say]. mmhmm. and looking forward to more interesting insights in the future.
i guess throughout this whole day, there were strange lines of lyrics strewn across my mind. like, flashes. i'd be taking notes, and suddenly i hear my all time favorite song playing in my head. replaying, then playing. somewhat seemed like a blackandwhite movie. it probably doesnt apply to me directly, but isnt it strange how sometimes words can just strike you?
if i could just find a way to make it so that you are right here, right now.
it's gonna be a long draggy day today. it's half past two and im suppposed to meet my new mentor, who i pray to God is nice and reasonable. however she's on mc today. ohh speaking of which, i did a rather interesting QT topic last night, will jot it down when i get home, which would be...say, half past eleven? yup. wanted to catch up on some rest but i dont think i'd be able to fall asleep anyway.
i havent really had a chance to reflect on 2004 properly, come to think about it. though, yes, i surely have jotted down some stuff in my nice bluestripeddiary, but maybe not enough. fruitful year, i'd say. though it passed like a flash of lightning. i think i grew up a lot last year, learnt things i never would have learnt, said things i never would've said. and made friends that are just unbelieveable. plus tightened quite a few friendship, and nevertheless, lost some. cliche, as it sounds, but really twas quite a year. and not to mention i think i've evolved into some rebellious rulebreaker in school. laughs. i get a kick outta breaking rules, unfortunately, being booked today for EARRINGS [which is, totally redundant], made me less cocky about getting away with the every rule i break. laughs.
this year, however, i think it'd be rather fruitful too. though, haha, still not too optimistic about it, esp seeing how 2004 ended, i think it'd be one of the years where i'd gain the most, well, knowledge. partially it's cause we're the seniors of the school, and like say choir, though im not in the comm [and we have a very gd comm], it's still the whole you-gotta-look-after-your-juniors thing. maybe it's something some of my seniors drilled into me before they left. talk about being psychoed. 2006, we'll be the juniors again, yay. and i'll getta see my darling seniors, whom i miss veryvery much now.
ah well, maybe i should be going. my eyelids are heavy and i think im gonna fall asleep veryvery soon. having a blog's good to do random rantings, plus confusing rattlings. (:
oh, anyone happens to have any idea what farewell gift i could get for a friend? i havent a clue.
time is passing so slowly now, guess that's my life without you
certainly an inspiring english lesson i just had. a new, refreshed way to approach english this time around. as i'd quote, english is the language of power. funny how true it is, isnt it. look around you, and realise that the people with the gift of gab would excel in life [take my brother, per say]. mmhmm. and looking forward to more interesting insights in the future.
i guess throughout this whole day, there were strange lines of lyrics strewn across my mind. like, flashes. i'd be taking notes, and suddenly i hear my all time favorite song playing in my head. replaying, then playing. somewhat seemed like a blackandwhite movie. it probably doesnt apply to me directly, but isnt it strange how sometimes words can just strike you?
if i could just find a way to make it so that you are right here, right now.
it's gonna be a long draggy day today. it's half past two and im suppposed to meet my new mentor, who i pray to God is nice and reasonable. however she's on mc today. ohh speaking of which, i did a rather interesting QT topic last night, will jot it down when i get home, which would be...say, half past eleven? yup. wanted to catch up on some rest but i dont think i'd be able to fall asleep anyway.
i havent really had a chance to reflect on 2004 properly, come to think about it. though, yes, i surely have jotted down some stuff in my nice bluestripeddiary, but maybe not enough. fruitful year, i'd say. though it passed like a flash of lightning. i think i grew up a lot last year, learnt things i never would have learnt, said things i never would've said. and made friends that are just unbelieveable. plus tightened quite a few friendship, and nevertheless, lost some. cliche, as it sounds, but really twas quite a year. and not to mention i think i've evolved into some rebellious rulebreaker in school. laughs. i get a kick outta breaking rules, unfortunately, being booked today for EARRINGS [which is, totally redundant], made me less cocky about getting away with the every rule i break. laughs.
this year, however, i think it'd be rather fruitful too. though, haha, still not too optimistic about it, esp seeing how 2004 ended, i think it'd be one of the years where i'd gain the most, well, knowledge. partially it's cause we're the seniors of the school, and like say choir, though im not in the comm [and we have a very gd comm], it's still the whole you-gotta-look-after-your-juniors thing. maybe it's something some of my seniors drilled into me before they left. talk about being psychoed. 2006, we'll be the juniors again, yay. and i'll getta see my darling seniors, whom i miss veryvery much now.
ah well, maybe i should be going. my eyelids are heavy and i think im gonna fall asleep veryvery soon. having a blog's good to do random rantings, plus confusing rattlings. (:
oh, anyone happens to have any idea what farewell gift i could get for a friend? i havent a clue.
time is passing so slowly now, guess that's my life without you
you get me high`
10:14 PM
10:14 PM
i feel ACCOMPLISHED. i FINALLY remember who he is!
after months/years/days/weeks of wondering HOW COME THIS GUY LOOKS SO FAMILIAR. HOW COME I KNOW HIM BUT NOT VICEVERSA.
but now! the moment of truth! my horriblyhorrific photographic memory didnt fail me at last!
his name's daniel, and we used to go for tap. together with sidney, claire, and adrien! and we were pro! then i think we all ended up quitting. haha. i nv knew he became a rafflesian! rafflesians are good stuff, agreed? haha. ((:
well im happy! at least i remember. and i wont feel so odd everytime i see him. (:
this is a very useless entry. haha.
after months/years/days/weeks of wondering HOW COME THIS GUY LOOKS SO FAMILIAR. HOW COME I KNOW HIM BUT NOT VICEVERSA.
but now! the moment of truth! my horriblyhorrific photographic memory didnt fail me at last!
his name's daniel, and we used to go for tap. together with sidney, claire, and adrien! and we were pro! then i think we all ended up quitting. haha. i nv knew he became a rafflesian! rafflesians are good stuff, agreed? haha. ((:
well im happy! at least i remember. and i wont feel so odd everytime i see him. (:
this is a very useless entry. haha.
you get me high`
7:11 AM
7:11 AM
[as soon as you get over him you'll find the sweetest rainbow]
omg. im like watching topfun on tv. and steven lim's on it. and he's like, retarded/insane. it's damn, scary. im like, traumatised. and scared. and freaked out. and just really...traumatised.
okay. first day of school. form teacher, some unknown chinese teacher, but she seems okay. ah we got andrew chia for bio. i heard he's horrible. -.- dahh. plus ang mui eng for math. and she hates me. but other than that, it's all alright. (: my prayers came true. and best of alL! YEO PEI LI IS GONE! no more fierce+unreasonable rs mentor! (: but really, i wonder who's taking her place.
met cy for lunch today. ladeedum. he freaked me out, very bad. like, he hopped on the same bus i did, and im like, -.- then he insisted to walk me to my place. (after i went round and round) then he insisted he came in. which i didnt let him. and whee it was just a bit freaky. haha. its not that i dont trust him, but haha, rj guys are scheming! haha. i think. (:
im so tired and sleepy i think im going crazy. it doesnt feel as though sch has started! im still slacking, the usual.
for the first time in my life. well, almost. i felt sour. i felt so sour, it was painful. okay fine, its very evident im being provocative. but still, it was terribly painful. -.- i nv knew i could feel that way. sigh.
so school follows the usual timetable tmr. first two blocks, lab. really odd. haha routine work's starting. and did i mention, my year sort of ends in term 3. and i've only got two major rounds of tests this year. in term four, it'd be hmt prelims+core and merit courses. pretty fun. (: while everyone else would be studying for their Os. (: heh.
okay i think i'd better jet. seeyah then. (:
everytime I go down your street
i pray we'll meet
i look around and nothing's changed
but all this time has separated us
press rewind and stop the tape
omg. im like watching topfun on tv. and steven lim's on it. and he's like, retarded/insane. it's damn, scary. im like, traumatised. and scared. and freaked out. and just really...traumatised.
okay. first day of school. form teacher, some unknown chinese teacher, but she seems okay. ah we got andrew chia for bio. i heard he's horrible. -.- dahh. plus ang mui eng for math. and she hates me. but other than that, it's all alright. (: my prayers came true. and best of alL! YEO PEI LI IS GONE! no more fierce+unreasonable rs mentor! (: but really, i wonder who's taking her place.
met cy for lunch today. ladeedum. he freaked me out, very bad. like, he hopped on the same bus i did, and im like, -.- then he insisted to walk me to my place. (after i went round and round) then he insisted he came in. which i didnt let him. and whee it was just a bit freaky. haha. its not that i dont trust him, but haha, rj guys are scheming! haha. i think. (:
im so tired and sleepy i think im going crazy. it doesnt feel as though sch has started! im still slacking, the usual.
for the first time in my life. well, almost. i felt sour. i felt so sour, it was painful. okay fine, its very evident im being provocative. but still, it was terribly painful. -.- i nv knew i could feel that way. sigh.
so school follows the usual timetable tmr. first two blocks, lab. really odd. haha routine work's starting. and did i mention, my year sort of ends in term 3. and i've only got two major rounds of tests this year. in term four, it'd be hmt prelims+core and merit courses. pretty fun. (: while everyone else would be studying for their Os. (: heh.
okay i think i'd better jet. seeyah then. (:
everytime I go down your street
i pray we'll meet
i look around and nothing's changed
but all this time has separated us
press rewind and stop the tape
you get me high`
4:28 AM
4:28 AM
Sunday, January 2
oh and before i forget, rgs choir will be performing with local accapella group budak pantai [aw man, honor honor], to raise funds for the tsunami victims on the 7th of Jan at 8pm. tickets are 10 for students, 25 for adults, and all proceeds go to singapore red cross. mmhmm.
tickets are available at the door, or online at http://www.bluemoo.com.sg
heh sorry cher, i got the details from your blog. (:
tickets are available at the door, or online at http://www.bluemoo.com.sg
heh sorry cher, i got the details from your blog. (:
you get me high`
4:06 AM
4:06 AM
[i can hardly breathe- i feel its dangerous
could be deadly]
altogether now, say, CRAP THERES SCHOOL TMR.
feels like a nightmare turned true huh. the hols seemed to end so quickly. though, yeah, many many things happened this relatively seemingly short holiday. so it cant be all that short. i went to jiangnan and still seemed to have quite a bit of free time. haha. (:
so its back to lessons. cca. (aw man, syf. busybusy) church stuff. {alright i have church stuff even during the hols) unfinished hw. (what do i have, hmm) late nights. homework. (mountains of them, really) very bad lack of sleep. and um. a lot other stuff. haha. (: but its the same old routine over and over again, till the next round of endofyear holidays. *shudder*
church today! uh i think i was stoning most of the time, and feeling sad that ryan's leaving, and having a very hard time sharing the bible with j cause we used nat's bible, and it was TINY. the words were microscopic. celebrated druce's birthday! happy birthday, boy! haha. you know ryan's going to england like, ALONE! wth. why cant he just stay in sg. he's going for good, but he's gotta come back for NS. afterwhich he'll probably go back there again for uni and forever. haha. dah. and hes going to the countryside. however cool is that! im gonna visit him, one fine day. 2,3 hours from london i believe. imagine ryan, riding on a horse, gracing the fields. HAHA. okay i dont know whats wrong with me today. well he's not flying on the 7th. but on the 6th. this thursdayyy. thats SO SOON. mum better let me send him off or i'll just die. ladeedum. hes coming back march 19th. ladeedum.
dance! ugh gary played us out. again! stupid. and he screwed up the whole alvin thing. gah. jess saw jon! haha okay so did i. and he dances like a jellyfish now, its really really odd. X) wonder what happened. he used to be zaiii. but i think justis' better though. well lionel remembers us! so coooool. but his dances were a bit weird. haha. all the strange wrists flinging thing. haha. dahh. lionel's jazz is better. haha. should i join his performing company? but next year's schedule's gonna be sooo tight. syf. concert. piano. violin. worship. howhowhow. -.-
had lunch at fisherman's wharf, which was horrible, then made our way home. ladeedum. oh did i mention i made two new friends- leon and ren [i think]. its really funny when leon like stretched his hand to shake jess', and he said 'im leon', jess just like burst out laughing and forgot her own name, for that very instant. haha. they come to jitterbugs too, so we'll just look out for them next time.
ahha! im so happy i remember who that rj guy who looked so familiar is. it gives me creeps that i feel i know him everytime i see him, but i just dont know who he is!
alright urmm. gotta go then. have a good time in school tmr, people! think happy thoughts. happy thoughts about holidays! and look forward to the next holiday. (: just keep mugging just keep mugging~
lets disappear without a trace-
just me, and you.
could be deadly]
altogether now, say, CRAP THERES SCHOOL TMR.
feels like a nightmare turned true huh. the hols seemed to end so quickly. though, yeah, many many things happened this relatively seemingly short holiday. so it cant be all that short. i went to jiangnan and still seemed to have quite a bit of free time. haha. (:
so its back to lessons. cca. (aw man, syf. busybusy) church stuff. {alright i have church stuff even during the hols) unfinished hw. (what do i have, hmm) late nights. homework. (mountains of them, really) very bad lack of sleep. and um. a lot other stuff. haha. (: but its the same old routine over and over again, till the next round of endofyear holidays. *shudder*
church today! uh i think i was stoning most of the time, and feeling sad that ryan's leaving, and having a very hard time sharing the bible with j cause we used nat's bible, and it was TINY. the words were microscopic. celebrated druce's birthday! happy birthday, boy! haha. you know ryan's going to england like, ALONE! wth. why cant he just stay in sg. he's going for good, but he's gotta come back for NS. afterwhich he'll probably go back there again for uni and forever. haha. dah. and hes going to the countryside. however cool is that! im gonna visit him, one fine day. 2,3 hours from london i believe. imagine ryan, riding on a horse, gracing the fields. HAHA. okay i dont know whats wrong with me today. well he's not flying on the 7th. but on the 6th. this thursdayyy. thats SO SOON. mum better let me send him off or i'll just die. ladeedum. hes coming back march 19th. ladeedum.
dance! ugh gary played us out. again! stupid. and he screwed up the whole alvin thing. gah. jess saw jon! haha okay so did i. and he dances like a jellyfish now, its really really odd. X) wonder what happened. he used to be zaiii. but i think justis' better though. well lionel remembers us! so coooool. but his dances were a bit weird. haha. all the strange wrists flinging thing. haha. dahh. lionel's jazz is better. haha. should i join his performing company? but next year's schedule's gonna be sooo tight. syf. concert. piano. violin. worship. howhowhow. -.-
had lunch at fisherman's wharf, which was horrible, then made our way home. ladeedum. oh did i mention i made two new friends- leon and ren [i think]. its really funny when leon like stretched his hand to shake jess', and he said 'im leon', jess just like burst out laughing and forgot her own name, for that very instant. haha. they come to jitterbugs too, so we'll just look out for them next time.
ahha! im so happy i remember who that rj guy who looked so familiar is. it gives me creeps that i feel i know him everytime i see him, but i just dont know who he is!
alright urmm. gotta go then. have a good time in school tmr, people! think happy thoughts. happy thoughts about holidays! and look forward to the next holiday. (: just keep mugging just keep mugging~
lets disappear without a trace-
just me, and you.
you get me high`
3:11 AM
3:11 AM
Saturday, January 1
[feel like im spinning around]
this is the most depressing news so far- ryan's migrating. AHHHH. ryanryanryan. he's leaving! no more sillyREALLYSILLY antics in church no more. no more pro git stuff, and constant jamming of mcfly's songs. so more funfun worship pracs cause ryan's not there. though he hasnt been coming, but ah. to know he's permanantly gone, is just the saddest thing alive. sigh. he's playing for the last time tmr. thus i'll definitely be in church to watch him. blah. he's leaving on the seventh! any idea how soon that is.
and to top it off. he doesnt wanna come for dance tmr! and gary refuses to tell me the reason. decided to go for ladc, hope it works out, cause thats one confusing studio. and its ex if we wanna go for a one-off lesson. ugh so it better work out and be good. wanted to get justis too, but i figure i have no idea how to contact him. haha. so its gonna be jess gary and i. haha the usual three. (: lionel rocks, he's a great teacher. but i think his funk isnt as nice as his jazz. doesnt that just remind you of robb. (: heh. all the nice teachers arent great at funk. i wonder why. maybe jon'll be in the class tmr. haha jess! (:
anyway this new year. ah. school's gonna start. everything's gonna be wrong. i wonder how im gonna adjust back to the school times. im like a nocturnal animal now. bleagh. hope the teachers are good. like say. my fab p6 teachers. haha. i dont know, just someone good! and not evil. understanding, but not too lenient. wonder who huh. last year in rg! hope its a good thing. hope nick wont go abroad so i can see him in jc. that is, if i dont get kicked outta rp.
time will be the thief
there're things i wanna say, but i dont know if i should. and if i should say it here. or will it offend some, hurt some, confuse most, and so on. [then i'll get another buncha people who'd spam me or SOMETHING like that] though it doesnt really concern others, it's just hard to express in words. maybe i dont have to express it at all, maybe i cant. maybe it'd just be stuck with me my whole life. this burdern im feeling. maybe it has been with me all my life. maybe its this that stops me from knowing the real me. maybe, just maybe.
ahh haha again, strange paragraphs that only strange ol' me will understand. alright i think i'd better sleep asap. and try to wake up, well, earlier. toodles.
spoonfeed my heart
this is the most depressing news so far- ryan's migrating. AHHHH. ryanryanryan. he's leaving! no more sillyREALLYSILLY antics in church no more. no more pro git stuff, and constant jamming of mcfly's songs. so more funfun worship pracs cause ryan's not there. though he hasnt been coming, but ah. to know he's permanantly gone, is just the saddest thing alive. sigh. he's playing for the last time tmr. thus i'll definitely be in church to watch him. blah. he's leaving on the seventh! any idea how soon that is.
and to top it off. he doesnt wanna come for dance tmr! and gary refuses to tell me the reason. decided to go for ladc, hope it works out, cause thats one confusing studio. and its ex if we wanna go for a one-off lesson. ugh so it better work out and be good. wanted to get justis too, but i figure i have no idea how to contact him. haha. so its gonna be jess gary and i. haha the usual three. (: lionel rocks, he's a great teacher. but i think his funk isnt as nice as his jazz. doesnt that just remind you of robb. (: heh. all the nice teachers arent great at funk. i wonder why. maybe jon'll be in the class tmr. haha jess! (:
anyway this new year. ah. school's gonna start. everything's gonna be wrong. i wonder how im gonna adjust back to the school times. im like a nocturnal animal now. bleagh. hope the teachers are good. like say. my fab p6 teachers. haha. i dont know, just someone good! and not evil. understanding, but not too lenient. wonder who huh. last year in rg! hope its a good thing. hope nick wont go abroad so i can see him in jc. that is, if i dont get kicked outta rp.
time will be the thief
there're things i wanna say, but i dont know if i should. and if i should say it here. or will it offend some, hurt some, confuse most, and so on. [then i'll get another buncha people who'd spam me or SOMETHING like that] though it doesnt really concern others, it's just hard to express in words. maybe i dont have to express it at all, maybe i cant. maybe it'd just be stuck with me my whole life. this burdern im feeling. maybe it has been with me all my life. maybe its this that stops me from knowing the real me. maybe, just maybe.
ahh haha again, strange paragraphs that only strange ol' me will understand. alright i think i'd better sleep asap. and try to wake up, well, earlier. toodles.
spoonfeed my heart
you get me high`
7:43 AM
7:43 AM