all that jazz'

Monday, February 28

you know sometimes things are better left unsaid. it breaks my heart everytime i see you recall what happened months back. maybe you do that everyday, intentionally or not. i wouldnt know. i really wish everything worked out and we can be trigger happy, but i guess it's not happening.
you told me once that if i ever get the feeling back i must tell you. but i won't. you know why? cause i'm not worthy of your time. you gotta move on. sure you say you will when the time's right. but honestly i think now's a pretty good time. haha i marvel at how you can find a song that suits your mood so much. yeah i told you you gotta let things go, and i'll tell you that again. because though i admit i love having someone around all the time, so much like a guardian angel to me, it's not fair for you and i can't bear to see you getting anything but the best. though i must admit sometimes i wonder what i'll do if you arent around me all the time. i wouldnt say it's entirely impossible that your happy ending might come true, but just take it as it won't. anything extra, may it be like a bonus. cause i dont wanna continue giving you false hope. i see your daily struggles, i do. i know that so many times, there's so much you want to say to me but you just cant. lest things turn ugly or somewhat. well if it's of any consolation, tell me whatever youre just burning to say, cause i believe it'd help you get over this period. it's not good to be so serious all the time. maybe that was what frightened me.
i mean there's no hurry right. play around with relationships. experiment. okay you must realise that i'll only give this advice to you and only you. cause for other guys, it's a nono. haha. basically my drift is that falling in and out of relationships should be part and parcel of life. take things easy, and just... go with the flow. or maybe concentrate or someone more worthy of you than i am. because really, if you compare both of us side to side, i think in every aspect i'm far more inferior. so yeah. dont waste your life. dont waste your brain juices thinking and dwelling. just dont forget that i'll be here! as a good friend and confidante, yes?

you get me high`
7:37 AM

Sunday, February 27

happy birthday to mee. ((:

it really sucks to be awfully sick on your birthday. coughing non-stop, and having a 39 deg fever. i really wanna be in school today. but nvm. i shall stay home and rest, and do my work when i'm feeling better. (:

on the other hand, i woke up this morning to 30+ smses, all filled with well wishes and birthday greetings. whee so touching. even the people i hardly talk to remember this day. and the annual msgs i get from yanheng! haha i always laugh everytime he wishes me happy birthday, cause his birthday's just a day before mine. just that this year i was a bit too sick to wish him. boo, my bad. and chris' bday was on the 26th. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANHENG AND CHRIS! (: whee happiness. even timothy huang rmbed! im impressed. and daryl got me presentss! (: thank you kate for the nice bag and gorgeous skirt!

so anyway thank you to all of you! and sorry for not replying the midnight msgs cause i went to bed quite early last night. yup sorry khay! didnt pick up your call. (: dumdum. (: just interested to know, who's gunawan. the person on my guestbook. sounds so terribly familiar but i just dont know who it is. so hello person! tell me who are you!

wheeeee. (:

you get me high`
6:16 PM

Friday, February 25

[your love was like candy]

imcb's over. i think i'll miss it. i think so. especially the fact that we dont have to go to school. and the slacking cum socialising times. (: i must comment on how er my lab partners are a very intellectual sophisticated bunch! i feel a bit intimidated talking to them. so if you think rgs girls are supposedly a smart bunch, you're so wrong. so so wrong. my gosh we spend our time talking about intellectual bio stuff! haha. i think i learnt quite a bit through this experience, i'd say. mmhmm. (:

...and damn it i've got a math test tmr.

so i said it in his face. ha. he deserves to know im not here to be used. i really hate it, but still i tolerate cause i wanna be considerate. considering he only comes to me when he's all down and out and heartbroken. and after that, i just decide to forget about it. guess i really feel it this time.

you wont cry for my absence, i know
you forgot me long ago
am i that unimportant
am i that insignificant
isnt something missing
isnt someone missing me

give me a chance to talk to you.

today's been sucha lonely day. after imcb, heading home myself. letting myself into a cold lifeless house. i think i can even hear my echos. didnt even remember to have dinner, i believe. just some bread. slaving on my rs. and the occasional lonely laughters while watching television. my singing that reverberates in this place. probably gonna fall asleep before anyone even comes back.
i really need you, dont i.

and thank you for taking time out to buy me my present. (:

my yesterday was blue dear
still im a part of you dear

you get me high`
6:31 AM

Thursday, February 24

i wanna get lost in your rock 'n' roll

imcb. dr nurcombe's in charge of us, and he's sucha humourous sadist, though a very engaging one. honestly. actually i think all scientists are evil freaks. they're cold and hardless, and kill tons of living jumping organisms everyday, without even baiting an eyelid. yesterday we had to play with the bone marrow of a poor mouse, which they disected while dr nurcombe was guiding us in theory. all the mutations, the 'fun' experiments, that somehow turn out beautiful in their eyes. it's just mortifying. i mean how can a chick having an extra head be beautifull. -.- but i do think this part of science/bio is a lot more interesting than what we do in school.

well imcb friends! we're still, well, separated. very evidently. i've only spoke to the rv people, one or two tk pple, and my lab partners. three in group. the other two in my group's a scg girl, huixian, and an ac guy, adriel. apparently both from choir. eh no, adriel isnt in choir anymore i think. hm, ivan if u read this, any impression? (: but im really impressed by the ac pple. they know so much. and they're only sec 3s. they know the heterozygous homozygous crap, the earthworm i-dont-how-to-spell thing. haha. ahh well. geniuses, i'd say.

the practicals are inhuman. sometimes i wish i were like cha, doing the dna pcr stuff. basic genomes. not despicable life-killing experiments. yesterday it was mice bone marrow. today it was cutting off the brain and limbs of an embryo. sometimes, things just wanna live. dont end it's life unnaturally. i mean, would you like that to happen to you? we've been ending damn early, though. 2+, 3. i mean compared to the rest who ended at 4+, 5+. i wonder why.

you know, i hate being used. i hate it when someone only comes to me for help when they're on a verge of a breakup, and they're feeling so damn helpless. ever spared a thought for me? the extreme. only talking to me when you quarrel with your gf, so i try to be there and give my two cents' worth. after everything's fine, you dont even INFORM me and THANK me for standing by you cause your bloody gf just isnt doing that. instead, you dont talk to me till i do. and when i sound pissed, and say goodnight. all i get is a 'oh, GOODNIGHT SWEET DREAMS!' i mean, talk about being thick. im gonna tell you off when i see you online tmr. i so am.

hope dinner works out tmr. i've been so darn stressed. it's 1am and i havent even started on my project work for the day. been doing other hw. and i have to complete one section of rs a day, so that deprives me of yet another two hours this very day. wonder what time i'll be in bed. thank goodness i heard the math test was easy. and i've been faithfully studying chinese. but still, it's far from my forte, so all this hardwork's not enough. better than nothing, of course. other than the fact that my rs report's due monday, there's still the compre and compos, PHILO essay [one that i've got absolutely no clue how to even start writing], and my musical commitments. oh darn it.
still contemplating if i should go audition for ladc's performance company. i mean i'd love to join it but it's whether time permits. maybe not lar huh. too time consuming. i am, afterall, a student. probably busier than most, considering the type of school environment im being trapped in. and next sunday's ladc's free dance day. i can hardly wait. street jazz, lyrical jazz, latin jazz, broadway jazz, funk, and even salsa. and guess what! all free for that day. hahaha. what can be better!

this week's gonna be so full of ups and downs. saturday. big break through for jess and i. you go girl, we can do it. monday. i pRAY it works out! and amidst all of this, stressstressstress. and i thought calling cy might help. since he usually has a way in making me not dwell in my miseries. guess everyone's tired. besides, i think only one thing will revive me now. mmhmm.

alright gotta embark on my rs. oh darn it. i want sleep.

i'm all at sea
where no one can bother me

you get me high`
4:54 AM

Wednesday, February 23

a moment of despair
that forces you to say that life's unfair
it makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
but dont go giving into fear
stop hiding all alone in there
the show keeps going on and on
but you'll miss the whole damn thing
i wish i had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
we dont know how the story ends till it's all been told

ever wondered how it feels like to be in this world all alone. just vying for your survival?
well if you wanna know, ask me.
i think i should know best.

earth to this world, is tragedy what you like to cause? if it is, i prithee lighten up on morbidity.

you get me high`
7:23 AM

Tuesday, February 22

some fine day when we go walking
we'll take time for idle talking
sharing every feeling as we watch each other smile
i'll hold your hand you'll hold my hand
we'll say things we never had planned
then we'll get to know each other in a little while

but for now let me say i love you
later on there'll be time for so much more
but for now meaning now and forever
let me kiss you darling then once more

let me love you forever but right now...

cant wait for IMCB tmr. i really need a break from the hectic school life. though i shall return with a whole lot of work piling up, and numerous summative assessments, i will enjoy hese few days, but not slacking in my homework. esp when the first draft of my rs report's due monday. oh jolly. all the work.

dropped by kate's for dinner. (: thanks girl. sorry for ALL the trouble. (: great seeing you! (: we watched jamie cullum's live dvd. and ouch he's fantastic. better than fantastic. thats what you call a geniuss. (:

okay i dont really know what to blog about. i think guys these days are kinda sappy. and like very 'girl'. haha. i thought girls are the ones who're supposed to be the weaker ones, who just die after a breakup, cries her lungs out, and become almost suicidal. till all her friends cluster together and start bitching about guys, and they find out girls are better then guys so they all turn lesbian. the aftermath of a relationship. but no, times have changed. the guys are the ones who are crying googoogahgah after a breakup, being suicidal, and cutting girls outta their lives. something like that. now aint that sad.

haha. and ling. GIVE NICK A BREAK. he's just trying to make conversation. but not as though he talks to you very often so he wouldnt know/remember you take jap! oh poof. give him a breakk.

someone tell me how i should celebrate my bday.

please my wings, fly me away

you get me high`
7:43 AM

Monday, February 21

you think you've made it
everything's going so fine
then appears someone who wanna tear you down
wanna rip you of those few nice things you've found
when and if you hit the ground
then its falling kinda hard

cause all you do is being yourself
trying everything to succeed, somehow
but that's not the way things are right now
feeling kinda lost

hey what do you think of me now?
am i not like i once were
still if you dont know me
whats the story of this pen
i guess you're not a stranger
and i can tell you're not a friend
it might take awhile but i guess i'll manage waiting till then
then, when you confront me with your thoughts

you may think i dont notice
dont get a bit hurt by why you do
i ask you to please think of what i've done to you
please search inside and let me know
if i've done something wrong i guess i'll go
far. hidden.
never to be found

you get me high`
12:03 AM

Sunday, February 20

[rock it, dont stop it]

see i was right. God never lets you sink too deep in your own depression. yesterday was considerably good. sometimes the presence of someone can just make you feel uplifted. hyperventilating, i must keep in mind, is not good for the health. haha. ah well. dancetitude wasnt that great though. slightly disappointing. but they had stage presence. mmhmm. but of course i wasnt just there to see the performance. haha. sorry jess, sorry it was more of my day. realy wished just did something though. okay im gonna use his shortform, in case people start searching for his name again.

haha but i was right in saying that life doesnt let you fly too high, either. cause today was pretty much a disappointment. see how it fluctuates. somehow my hopes were all sky high, and all dashed, as usual. but nvm. church. i took notes! havent done that in ages, i somehow only take notes when im at cityharvest. maybe i'll post up the message on the class cell blog. (: dance was fun, and i had fun after that anyway. went to stage door cafe with jess after lunch. where i had to hurry the person and gobble down my food, for fear that i'd be late for cha's movie. then i had to run to the mrt station, and run to ps, only to know that the show was sold out, and they bought tickets for the later show. ooh the indigestion. -.- anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUCHAMAMA! sorry i know this is one day late. thanks for being sucha great sitting partner. (:
so we had dinner at pizza hut. where i couldnt eat one bit. just drank the soup and had the pepsi. then we caught constantine, and nikki hated it. haha. i guess the graphics were good, acting was good. but maybe just too blasphemous. too over the limit. but personal opinion lar. ahhh welll. had quite a bit fun i guess. the laughters. (:

hmm learnt something new these days. that my brother dotes on me a lot more than i thought he did. the forever mellow, dull, unfeeling figure in the house, who sits in the same study room as i do, but hardly ever utters a word to me. ah well he's getting me my jazz shoes so im quite deliriously happy. and i got my pretty nike shox today. whee.

oh and to the people out there, stop searching for nicholas tan xue wei. haha. you wont find much about him here...i think. at least not under his full name. (:

ah well, dreamland, here i come.

those reasons
those unkind words been expressed
oh they'll get to you i promise one day
maybe that's too late for you to say
i knew it from the go
but you know
that some miles away from the truth
dont forget

you get me high`
6:36 AM

Friday, February 18

[silent all these years]

i've experienced enough to know that life never lets you fly too high, and God won't let you sink too deep. just hope the latter applies this time.

so things didnt go as per planned. something that left me on cloud 9 last night, can equally drive me to hell the very next day. but i guess, as they always say, that's life. after countless plans, and endless anticipation, all is but marvel imagination. i am, afterall, but a small fry in this big bad world, waiting to be engulfed in the cruelties of life. but it's okay that i'm small, and im divine, and its beautiful. and its coming. it's already here. it's absolutely perfect.

let this be yet another lesson learnt. a valuable lesson, indeed. one that reveals true character, and the ugly side of people. at least, for this time, of a very particular someone. for i've never seen him to be a spiteful, direspectful, and impatient friend. now i've learnt the truth. doesnt matter if the star of the day wasn't feeling well, but if it were not for rude and uncalled for behaviour of that very someone, i would not be as mad now. at least now i know what regards he has of people around him. such utter disappointment. of course the absence of the guest of honour was painful, but amplified like this, sometimes it's just too hard to swallow.
ain't it interesting how heartache grows on you. like a vine on a tree, twirling around it's bark and reaching it's hands up to the sun. but even the vine has a limit, and so will the heartache.
this very day. i walked into that cloud and i lost myself. and im sad, sad, sad, small, alone, scared. craving purity, a fragile mind, and a gentle spirit.

it's okay. all will be better tomorrow.

dear friends do not get me wrong. this is nothing about silly infatuations along the way, but more of something i've gone through, and i'm trying to put it as vague as possible. so as to keep the identities secret.

on a brighter note, the day didnt go all that bad. pref invest '05! the only prefects' investiture that kept me entertained. maybe it's because fellow friends of mine were getting invested. or maybe it's cause aziah came back to give a speech. haha no before anyone gets the wrong idea, i never had a crush on my sec 4 head pref when i was in sec 1. it's just that somehow everytime aziah speaks it grabs my attention. even in my first year of sec school, i marveled at the way she led the school in pledge-taking. laughs, no i'm not a freak. it's her every word, her every articulation, that is just an eye-turner. definitely one of the pioneers who motivated me to speak and enounce my words properly. [helps in choir, doesnt it. haha] enunciation, is, so very important. and also somehow i feel her speeches carry much value. there's always something you can learn from. like today, but unfortunately i can't remember the quote. something about experience. indeed inspiring.

taught xinzi more of the dance after the investiture, and i had to rush off to the doc's. mmhmm. wasnt a very long appointment. wanted to rush back for choir but i thought it'd be redundant. so ladeeda i just went home to sleep. jess came over after that, though all preparations were in vain, we went out nevertheless. caught 'hide and seek'. [hey! see the irony. okay nvm.] not as bad as the critics make it to be. really. but a bit draggy i guess.
hung around till 630, then we went our separate ways. i was like a walking zombie by then. the fatigue was so overwhelming. had dinner with mum and went straight home.

somehow i wasnt too tired when i got home, so i started by neverending journey of work, again. then i decided to go practise my violin+piano, lest my teacher rails at me tomorrow. and lastly i rewatched and rewatched the finale dance in 'save the last dance'. thanks cat for lending me the dvd. you'll see some moves in our dance. (: which leaves me here, home alone, in the cold unfriendly house. typing away on some stagnant computer about my mundane life. oh jolly.

do excuse my entry today, pretty evident im not in the best of moods. yup.

i will be still, know you are God

you get me high`
4:07 AM

Thursday, February 17

just hope everything turns out well tomorrow. (X

you get me high`
7:52 AM

Monday, February 14

[love song for no one]

there're many musical geniuses around, and the grammy's is just the place to catch them. a great way to spend vday, really. sitting down chillin' with the awesome music. it's just a shame that i didnt getta catch the full show. mum. -.- yeah you get the drift. (: oh and i was switching between the grammy's and shakespeare in love. haha.

anyways back to the show. what a night! alicia keys and her performance with jamie foxx. that's what i call spectacular. they sang 'georgia on my mind' if im not wrong? and ouch the piano duo, everything, leaves one in marvel! but of course, no one's better than joss stone in my eyes. everytime she performs i've only got one word to say. 'shite'. have you any idea how accomplished she is! she's 17, she's got three grammy's nominations, she performs with the biggest stars/divas in the industry, like angie stone! melissa etheridge! plus she's got the voice of an angel! not in the charlotte church way. o.O and i think she's gorgeous. it's the total package! but of course these are just my personal preferences. so JOSS STONE ALL THE WAY! though she didnt win, it's okay! i mean she's competing with the biggest artistes, and she's got a long way to go. can't wait for her next album.

never forget the legendary john mayer. okay i only like his lyrics, really. they speak to you as though he's in front of you. okay speaks to me. (: dont really like the melody though. i'd much rather jason mraz. but y'know. if you're a person who really needs to express him/herself, esp through songs or something less blatant, go listen to john mayer. he won best song for 'daughters'! haha i dont like the melody for that either! but still a great song nevertheless.

so trash the ashlee simpson and jesse mccartney craze, and start indulging in some quality music!

searching all my days just to find you
i'm not sure who I'm looking for
i'll know it
when I see you
until then, i'll hide in my bedroom
just staying up all night just to write
a love song for no one

dumdum. school! thank you girls for all your nice sweet msgs/chocs/sweets! i feel horrible i didnt get them stuff. haha aww aint it nice. a day dedicated to love! all sorts of love. niceness. but the lessons...

philo's really getting on my nerves. i like philo, i really do. i think it's the most interactive, thinking, unrestrictive and fun subject. but just not with teoh. man that guy just annoys me. while we're all so engulfed in our arguments, and relatively digressing from the main point. or at least the main point that he is trying to get at. he doesnt say anything! till the very last fifteen minutes or so. and all he'll say is that other classes dont have difficulty with whichever question, why cant you girls just be more precise and concise. like hello? guidance needed? we're no philosophers. we're not the expert, you are. or well, supposed to be.
what kinda topic's religion and morality anyway. its a horrible topic to do cause we're all of different religions! thus so many differing povs. AND we get a teacher like teoh. we're never gonna get philo.

ah guess it's getting late. should be heading off. can't believe he's still not online today. haha must be enjoying his night out with some date lar! (; well enjoy your last hour of vday! and i'll be seeing you.

numb is the new deep

you get me high`
5:30 AM

Sunday, February 13

im doing this only cause if i dont, kate will kill me and i will die painfully. haha. riight. anyway it kills boredom.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
i. kelly
ii. ming
iii. kel

THREE SCREENNAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
err. whoakelleh
jazballet
scarletfrost

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUTYOURSELF:
i. im big
ii. fat
iii. and ugly

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
dont know, being tall? not really a heritage tho.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
i. my friends dying painfully cause they didnt do this quiz, haha.
ii. judgement day [yes me too katee]
iii. people i love leaving me.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
i. my music!
ii. my phone
iii. er, my wallet?

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHTNOW:
shirt
cargos
earrings?

THREE BANDS IN YOUR PLAYLIST
i. alicia keys
ii. jaychou
iii. ryan cabrera

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS ATPRESENT:
1. ryan cabrera, she.
2. jason mraz, you make me high.
3. jamie cullum, but for now.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY INTHE NEXT 12MONTHS:
i. have a proper conversation with a specific someone and to know the person better!
ii. try to patch up with a friend
iii. staying over at the beach, watch the sunset, and yes! star gazing.
[i sound like kate. o.O]
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN ARELATIONSHIP (LOVE IS AGIVEN):
i. God
ii. trust
iii. lots and lots of laughter!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
i. i like to dance
ii. i like to sing
iii. i like you.
-.-
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THEOPPOSITE SEX THATAPPEAL TO YOU:
eek! er.
1. a million dollar smile
2. DEEP GORGEOUS eyes. (((:
3. funkay hair that suits the person.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
i. live without God
ii. not love my friends
iii. not dance+sing+listen to music

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
i. DANCEDANCEDANCE
ii. play my pianooo
iii. sing to my heart's content

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALBADLY RIGHT NOW:
i. TALK TO SOMEONE
ii. go to the beach to chill
iii. sleep

THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
er. something i can do with medicine.
law?
music/dance, basically arts?

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
maldives! [the one before tsunami]
hawaii
mauritus
basically anywhere that's beachy and has lots of stars at night

THREE KIDS NAMES:
janine
ian
sky

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
i. save ONE MORE for JESUS! (: cell motto!
ii. be a fantabulous dancer. [i.e to dance better than shuulin!]
iii. travel to parts of the beautiful world.

ladeedum. off to watch pirates of the caribbean!
happy valentines' everyone!
the only day you can openly tell someone how much you love them!
...okay lar. not only day. but best day.

you get me high`
3:08 AM

Saturday, February 12

[on the way down i saw You
and You saved me from myself
and i wont forget the way You loved me]

whee i just found out on the way down's a christian song! how splendid.

so! yesterday. after my rather traumatising experience at the eye clinic, all the poking and proding at my poor little inflamed eye. oh and the horrible blood test! ack needles. it was down to serious grocery shopping! the frantic supermarket sprees, and fear that there isnt enough food. got back just in time to have 6 people over already! twas the nice 6L dinner/gathering.

mm lets see who turned up. lenard nick nigel eesin yingxin admund songjun tristan merp xue annalyn zhenghao and urm ivan? haha. i feel sorry that ivan was dragged along by zh cause i think it was just a waste of his time. plus it was nothing interesting, just a plain ol' dinner nothing fancy. might not be good enough for him. and my apologies if i wasnt a good host. but ah well. fantabulously cool seeing him. songjun is a joke. a JOKE. like how he did the dance next to the tv while we were watching kungfu hustle. which is, btw, a really crappy and retarded show and blooody not worth 6.50. thank goodness i didnt watch it in the cinemas. thank you tristan for burning it! talk about being illegal. haha. oh and did i mention nick was looking superbly fine...until he suggested playing musical chairs. haha. but we did have a nice chat while walking to marc's house to borrow dvds. he's so gullible, i cant believe xue and merp pulled a prank on him. hahaha. but really, the collared shirt does miracles. (: oh and admund! ADMUND! was in a pink shirt! and omg he's the funniest un-guy person around! haha. and yingxin's in ri! interesting. (: thank you lenard for the ryan cabrera album! (:

guess i dont miss them as much. only pple i'm closer to. like how much i miss being in the same class as nick! and it was so fun blatantly suan-ing zh. took me four years to not miss them so much. wonder how long 409 will take. (:

today! xiaoyu's bday! happy bday xiaoyuuuu! haha i was terribly late! sorry! and xiaoyu how sexxyyyy today! haha the tube and short skirt! i'll never be caught dead wearing something like that. met at swensens. had my omelette! haha. ((: did i mention my mum thought i was dressed so sloppily she was so irritated. weird. just a white shirt and jeans. whats wrong with that. yeah then we went to play pool! which was rather fun. (: im a good coach. clara's quite good now. haha. ah okay that was basically it. cause we took so much time eating. haha. swensens doesnt have nice food! grumbles. the earthquake was rather horrible! brr. anyway i had great fun lar. (:

ah im feeling so flustered today. hope my friend who's too broke to go for dance, goes tmr! cause of all the extra cash from new year. i have a lot of questions to ask him! dahh. plus i needa get tickets for dancetitude tmr, i dont know when he's going larr. crap. (: okay and also bothered by some other stuff.

you can take it all away
i dont need it
underneath i'll still be the same

you get me high`
6:35 AM

Wednesday, February 9

[sometimes it's been our destiny]

cny! ahh. cny. i've been out for the past twelve hours. visiting the same old people whom im remotely related to. funny. well at least redpackets are attractive. (: though im not really in the best of health, dont know why energy level's point zero, but it's been sucha great laugh to be with family! unfortunately we're not much of a picturefrenzy bunch, or there'll be many pictures!

AH. i cant go for class cell lunch on friday! i love our cell! (: okay random. but i do i do! best of all we all love JESUS! yay someone promised me to let me bring him to church one day. YOU PROMISED K. DONT FORGET. sniffs. anyway hope you guys have fun! (: friday i've got two doc's appointmenttt. one for my eye and other for my thyroid. sniff. i hope i can make it for tuition, tho! maybe david and glen will be there. haha. and yes! i've been informed of dinner with the 6L monkeys. annalyn pls read this. i have proposed my place, which would save us the trouble of deciding where to eat. always such a bother. plus if it's not at my place i doubt i'll be able to go. hehe. and it's gonna be nicenice steamboat. so yes! not to be missed! i love 6L'01!! no one will ever find a buncha more lively+funny+comical+cheezy+dirtyminded pple! we're one of a kind! okay more like 42-of-a-kind. oh maybe tristan could follow me back after tuition and join us. (((: i can hardly wait!

AH AND XIAOYU'S BDAY ON SATURDAY. WHAT IF I CANT GO?!? boohoohoo. my mum had BETTER allow me. since i promised that darling of mine ages ago. yay i love xiaoyu too! she's so sweet and she lets me rant and bitch and rant somemore. ((:

boo this is weird. cy's feeling distressed. there must be a blue moon somewhere out there now.

this sucks. im not supposed to be thinking of YOU! i know you've made your mind to forget about us but why does that haunt me so much! i miss US! but you shouldnt know that cause im not supposed to feel like that! ugh whywhywhy is this happening. everytime i say goodnight i wanna add my ilu! but i dont wanna lead you on! i dont want things to complicate. i just dont know what im feeling.

maybe some sleep would do.

every step i take leads to one mistake-
i keep going right back to the one thing that i need
to walk away from

you get me high`
8:08 AM

Tuesday, February 8

[im tired of living in the dark]

arghhhhh im not shortlisted for the lit trip! -.- i wonder how they judged! i mean unless it's based on merits. like LAST YEAR'S. -.- boo. i wanted to go! then i could stay on longer and go visit ryan! and his damn gorgeous town! boohoohoo.

celebrations were so horrible today. they really shouldnt make almost the whole thing in chinese. what about the non-chinese! not very intelligent. lent my pretty pretty hats to xiaoyu and clara! heh. my hats are so cool, they're so popular. hahaha. (: pardon me. anyway went to town with singyean and glor. aiyah i msged ling the night before. but cause she usually doesnt reply my msgs ANYWAY, i thought she would've got the msg and not reply. okay so we met nick and carl. haha oh sheesh. nick is so *gahH* in a group. that's why i nv go out with nick in a group. oh dahdah. but at least it was a form of entertainment. carl is funny. haha. but he seems different. shrugs. maybe he grew up. songjun jitwei and fengyao came later! we went to pool at cine. which didnt work out cause the counter lady was being a biatch and checking every single one of us. blooodyy. and she let marie and nick's friends in! attitudeee. so ended up going to monstercue. haha five each table. horrible. but i had to leave shortly after! cause i promised jess to go shopping! (:

okay my apologies to jess! i know things didnt turn out as it was supposed to. my bad my bad. sorry. well we played pool too. -.- haha. proved my point that even if there's horribly difficult pple at the counter, i can still play. -.- thanks to val's friend for her help! haha. ate at yoshi. then blahblah. not good things happened. yes and it will not be published!

crap my shoulders are aching very horribly! like it hurts so bad when i laugh, it's wrong. o.O reunion dinner with grandparents and two of my uncles. i love this crowd! without the aunties. haha. i like uncle gene, he's so cool so funky and so loving. anyway after a scrumptious steamboat dinner, we sat down for a time of fellowship and prayer! good stuff. (: i love jonlin! i think he's the most un-fake sincere well-disciplined and proper cousin i have. and an excellent brother. his gf must be very lucky! haha. whoever she is. (: plus he's talented and i owe my budding guitar skills to him. haha.

ah i'd better go to bed. inflamed eyes and an aching body, not a very good combination! visitations tmr. the same old auntiesss and unclesss who apparently have watched me grow up, as they say so every year, but i honestly dont remember their faces in my journey of life. haha. i only remember/recognise that nice old auntie who speaks with an american accent [prominent cause chinese aunties dont speak english], and is really nice! us cousins used to almost burn down her house. HAHA. okay yes. (: sleep.

so im following the sound of my heart

you get me high`
9:21 AM

Monday, February 7

[beautiful things they never stay]

oh my very disgusting msn. that keeps signing me in and out and in and out. my apologies to those who tried to talk to me, thinking i was physically there signing in and out. -.-"

well im terribly tired. just a note.
i hate lim s.h! omg i hate her so much. i dont think many in class has benefitted from her class the past month or so. i dont know anything about ireland! okay a bit, but hardly. her constant "SHH"s just irritate the hell outta me. man. it's just remarkable how she's even a teacher.

had dance prac with the girls today. ahhh. wont comment lar. but cher's damn cute. (: hope they can cope. and hope they're not dying now. i need a massage very badly. my shoulders are aching so much. went to watch hotel rwanda with cher after that. it's... okay lar. not splendid. brotherhood was better+sadder. and the hero didn't even die! anti climax, haha. then we took nicenice neos! i love you cher! (:

ah tmr's gonna be a day of fun, i hope. i hopehopehope. probably meet nick+6Lers after sch. then jess for shopping. actually i'd wanna go out with 409ners! but they're watching finding neverland! i doubt i wanna waste my cash again.

you walk by in the knick of time
looking like an answered prayer

you get me high`
8:01 AM

Sunday, February 6

[you would think my love for you was something good]

i think for the past month i've been a tenant in the house. i'm always being forced to stay in my room. so i'll do my work here, basically live solely in my room. thank God for the creation of the wireless connection. oh and meal less too. not that im hungry.

dance was cool today. but probably one of the most tiring lesson i've ever had. the jump kicks, rolls, ah everything. could hardly catch my breath. speaking of dance. still quite stuck on whether to do the dance with cher. hope it works out. hope they learn it quick and well, and hope they can cope. i need my knee pads, haha. hope tmr's practice goes well! (: oh did i mention there's gonna be a new class called funk jazz. like how cool's that. gonna try to go for that. but only jazz/ballet shoes allowed in studio 2! how! grrr.

gotta resume with my work. catcha later.

i feel like dancing on my tiptoes

you get me high`
6:09 AM

Saturday, February 5

[i'll be your sunshinee]

(: what a nice day it had been. well, if you exclude after i came back.

violin at 11. yay it was okay. laoshi was being nice. (: mum dropped me at some bus stop then i took a bus to town to meet cy. haha funkymonkey it was an all expense paid trip. i only paid for a drink i bought along the way! so i went out with 15 bucks, came back with 12! whee! its good to be broke once in awhile. the crazy guy buys jeans for 300+ bucks. like wth, looks the same as everything else, haha. should have just bought a cheaper one, and use the remaining cash to buy my diesel skirt. (:

anyway we went to play pool! whee it's so much more fun playing with guys. haha. he's damn good! crap. not fair. anyway he taught me how to slice. or at least the way to see how much to slice. think it helped me a bit. (: yay yay fun. but it was SO EX. bloody. why needa go to a place that's like 10.80/hr. crazy. haha. we ended up playing like more than an hour so it was quite ex. haha nvm, he's paying. hahaha. just a note i usually dont see the need for people to treat me so i dont agree to it. but i was really v broke today! (:

walked around somemore, had dinner, and left. gosh i saw so many people today. tongues are going to wagg. but nvm, a day out with cy's always nice and enjoyable. despite of him being dirtyminded. haha. mm anyway he sent me to raffles place where i met the choir girls!

had to go for the rv concert. i MUST say, what a night of laughter. haha. we just sat there laughing. hehe sorry lar. it was quite funny. but i pity them! having to do all the odd actions for the songs, all because of toh ban sheng. haha. weird conductor he is. and they had rj choir as guest! omg. the seniors. SARA HO, BONKIE, ADDY, INEZ, CAROLINE, EVERYBODY! SARA HO! i love sara ho!! the sweetest of the sweets. (: anyway i took a lot of pictures! camera frenzy lar. must update my nicenice photo album. but it was nice to see yanheng and patrick and some other guys again! after agess. (: patrick doesnt look like he's singing. (: while yanheng was too enthu, hahaha. funny!

well after i got home. i just got railed and railed and screamed at. and nagged. and screamed and railed somemore. ugh. i've still got xiaoyu's bday to go for next saturday. cant accompany my stupid mother for her saturdays. so she's sad and lonely at home, and she wants me to be as miserable as she is. well boo, guess what. fat chance. the more you dont want me to talk to my friends, the more i will. the more you want me to stay at home, the more i'll do the opposite. guess im no angel. but hey, so be it. bloody. i love my friends. i can only sincerely thank you for being there for me everytime im all down and out. (: you're my sunshiness! i have a lot of suns. o.O haha.

alright my nose is getting all stuffy and sad. gonna head for the pillowss.

let this be our prayer

you get me high`
7:45 AM

Thursday, February 3

[dont just come and go]

boo. two minutes isnt enough. NOT ENOUGH. bleagh. ugh, driving me crazy.

the only two things i like about cny are the red packets and the neverending pineapple tarts. i've eaten so many pineapple tarts i think im gonna become a pineapple very soon. haha okay whatever.

ah howhow. the dance. it's like what. four pple? which is fine actually cause most dance groups are 4 to 5. but they're all dancers. if its just four of us, we really hafta be damn good and damn sharp and damn breathtaking. haha. but howhow! stresss. should i still do it. should i should i.

boo im in no mood to blog at all. TWO MINUTES ISNT ENOUGH, LARH!

even though im the sacrifice, you wont try for me

you get me high`
5:29 AM

Wednesday, February 2

AH. IM DESPERATE FOR UPDATES!
OR A GLIMPSE OF HOPE!
OR A GLANCE!
OR A CONVERSATION!
UPDATESUPDATES! DAILY UPDATES!
wtff.

you get me high`
7:35 AM

[all these walls are caving in]

ah well. feeling alright now, cause some nice people decided to talk to me and cheer me up last night. but darn i missed one of them tonight. maybe he'll come online later.

school was, well, aiight i guess. oh jolly we've started on circular measure! yay. call me a freak, but i honestly dont like probability. it may seem easy, but if the school decides to set the tougher questions, man, it's hell. at least topics like circular measure's more structured. and there're only a few ways they can set the questions. so just practise like hell and you'll score.

dammit i've gotta complete the crucible. why izzit taking me forever to read all the commentries are boring.

anyways, i watched finding neverland today! and i thought it was rather enjoyable. so different from all the movies we usually watch. so special and imaginative. the director's a genius. scriptwriter too. and johnny depp's scary! he looks different in every movie he does. compare him in pirates of the carribean, secret window, and this! mann. but the scottish accent was slightly uncalled for. haha but kudos to johnny depp who's an absolutely remarkable actor. his charisma is overflowing. so being the curious me, i went to check him up on google. he's 42! he has, lets see, 7 movies planned out for him, all the way till 2007, two of which he is personally producing. and it says here theres gonna be pirates of the caribbean two! omg. plus he's lead for almost all his shows. anyone remember edward scissorhands? i used to love that show! AND HE'S EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. weird. haha. he did that movie when he was 27! gosh.

ah well. so much of johnny depp, im gonna take a shower. ladeedum. (:

cherish all that you have, dont be the one regretting when you lose them, life is short
-from someone close to my heart.

you get me high`
3:48 AM