Sunday, July 31
[nobody knows it but me]
it's monday. and i'm dreading the days to come. i sit here and stone, knowing what's in my agenda for the next few days. tuesday physics spa chem spa choir tuition study. wednesday chem spa choir study. thursday bio spa choir choir choir. friday choir choir concert. saturday chinese mocks, then i'll getta watch the island? (: but still. do you know see that repeated activity- choir? it's so heavy going, so taxing, so everything. i know i shouldn't be complaining since it's just the week of concert, it should be expected. but my tests have to be rescheduled to prolong my agony. for eg, chinese test on friday, postponed to after nat day celebrations. when we should be going out. and it also means i can't do my viva voce after nat day's. postponed, again.
help.
i'm sitting in school, waiting for the very slow photocopying auntie to be done with the papers. starving. drained. and stressed. shall go settle the food problem soon. ladeedum. cha and i were commenting on annalyn and her going-for-my-concert-partner. hahaha. on how their eyes are too small. so conversation between them would go something like this. "hey, can you see anything?" "uhhh not really, can you?" yeah something 'long those lines. (: hehe. speaking of concert, again, im still annoyed we're having it in UCC! not only do they have unreasonable rules, they have fricking few seats! now nick can't go. iwan can't go. cy can't go. derek and yuan can't go. they all can't go! -.-
i shall stop complaining.
blame it on me being softhearted. but these days i've been feeling rather guilty. for reasons i shall not state. but ah, i should just get over, cause it's my liberty and i don't think it's counted as my fault. sigh.
aiight really gotta go find some food. yupp.
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrow!
can't let you see what you mean to me
it's monday. and i'm dreading the days to come. i sit here and stone, knowing what's in my agenda for the next few days. tuesday physics spa chem spa choir tuition study. wednesday chem spa choir study. thursday bio spa choir choir choir. friday choir choir concert. saturday chinese mocks, then i'll getta watch the island? (: but still. do you know see that repeated activity- choir? it's so heavy going, so taxing, so everything. i know i shouldn't be complaining since it's just the week of concert, it should be expected. but my tests have to be rescheduled to prolong my agony. for eg, chinese test on friday, postponed to after nat day celebrations. when we should be going out. and it also means i can't do my viva voce after nat day's. postponed, again.
help.
i'm sitting in school, waiting for the very slow photocopying auntie to be done with the papers. starving. drained. and stressed. shall go settle the food problem soon. ladeedum. cha and i were commenting on annalyn and her going-for-my-concert-partner. hahaha. on how their eyes are too small. so conversation between them would go something like this. "hey, can you see anything?" "uhhh not really, can you?" yeah something 'long those lines. (: hehe. speaking of concert, again, im still annoyed we're having it in UCC! not only do they have unreasonable rules, they have fricking few seats! now nick can't go. iwan can't go. cy can't go. derek and yuan can't go. they all can't go! -.-
i shall stop complaining.
blame it on me being softhearted. but these days i've been feeling rather guilty. for reasons i shall not state. but ah, i should just get over, cause it's my liberty and i don't think it's counted as my fault. sigh.
aiight really gotta go find some food. yupp.
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrow!
can't let you see what you mean to me
you get me high`
10:53 PM
10:53 PM
[nothing compares to you]
man what a trying week. next week will be worse! choir throughout, baby! let's see. apparently choir's from 1230 to 2200 on thursday! and on friday it's the WHOLE DAMN DAY. gotta postpone chem spa and chinese test. -grumbles- i'm supposed to be studying for chem spa now, in case i have to do it with hongyi tmr. but ahh i really dont feel like it! just got back from tuition and it's already a quarter past eleven! dammit.
no one should ever hold a concert at UCC. we should like jack it till they remove the whole rule of NO FLOWERS IN THE CONCERT HALL. so basically, attention to all going for the rg choir concert! flowers are not encouraged, unless you're fine with leaving it at the customer's service. maybe something like... soft toys would do? but trust me, i'm helluva sure the choir girls ALL want flowers. man. talk about being impractical. oh and one more thing! BE THERE EARLY. cause there's like SECURITY BAG CHECK or something like that. rahh.
yayy today was fun. ((: got quite a bit of work done this weekend. now i'm just left with chinese revision, and chem of course, which i should be doing now. dinner was fun! (: whee. then tuition. i love you babyyy.
my mum's highly paranoid and jealous. and of course, shes living in self denial. i find it really amusing. "you guys are JUST FRIENDS okay?" then really, what's the point in telling her. haha. damn funny.
sleep beckons.
safe in a crazy world
man what a trying week. next week will be worse! choir throughout, baby! let's see. apparently choir's from 1230 to 2200 on thursday! and on friday it's the WHOLE DAMN DAY. gotta postpone chem spa and chinese test. -grumbles- i'm supposed to be studying for chem spa now, in case i have to do it with hongyi tmr. but ahh i really dont feel like it! just got back from tuition and it's already a quarter past eleven! dammit.
no one should ever hold a concert at UCC. we should like jack it till they remove the whole rule of NO FLOWERS IN THE CONCERT HALL. so basically, attention to all going for the rg choir concert! flowers are not encouraged, unless you're fine with leaving it at the customer's service. maybe something like... soft toys would do? but trust me, i'm helluva sure the choir girls ALL want flowers. man. talk about being impractical. oh and one more thing! BE THERE EARLY. cause there's like SECURITY BAG CHECK or something like that. rahh.
yayy today was fun. ((: got quite a bit of work done this weekend. now i'm just left with chinese revision, and chem of course, which i should be doing now. dinner was fun! (: whee. then tuition. i love you babyyy.
my mum's highly paranoid and jealous. and of course, shes living in self denial. i find it really amusing. "you guys are JUST FRIENDS okay?" then really, what's the point in telling her. haha. damn funny.
sleep beckons.
safe in a crazy world
you get me high`
8:15 AM
8:15 AM
Friday, July 29
i know i will falter
i know i will cry
iknowhope you'll be standing by my side.
i just dont know what to believe.
i know i will cry
i
i just dont know what to believe.
you get me high`
9:06 AM
9:06 AM
Thursday, July 28
[please dont treat me like a fool]
school was sucha bore. only highlight would probably be CLE lesson. mr chia's bloody funny. we had like our usual sex ed lesson, which i think i've had enough with my mum's drilling on KEEP IT SLOW. SLOW DOWNNN. rather amusing. but cha and i get caught up with innuendos that are bloody hilarious. someone should record one of our conversations these days.
(a suggestion to deter getting too intimate)
why dont we do something else?
yeah like play floorball!
it's still a tangle of legs sticks and balls
...trust me. girls can play around with words too.
choir was mighty odd today. guest conductress. she's highly freaky. gives me the creeps. she looked like some chipmunk who liked to open her mouth reallyreallyreally widely. help. plus the fatigue was overwhelming, i fell asleep in the canteen while taking my self proclaimed break. which explains the usually long absence. whoops.
i fell down. tripped over the steps and poof. now my ankle hurts like hell, i think i sprained it. so mum doesn't let me go out tomorrow. so how in the blue world am i supposed to go for ivan's concert?! cheat my feelings. how am i supposed to answer to him. darn it.
kelly you're so stupid. SO STUPID. how'd i wish i could slap you across the face. STUPID. plain stupidity. it's supposed to be the hardest word to say, but you! you moron you love to say it don't you. just gonna seem like some bloody fool. STUPID. just STUPID. you deserve to burn in hell or some sort. what're you expecting? someone to care for you? do you even deserve anything good in life? it's more of a die damn you die, than an 'i love you'. know yourself before wanting something. it's called knowing your bloody limits. acts of stupidity. do you have any idea how useless you are? pile of rubbish. fucking CMI. fucking loser. STUPID, i say. STUPID.
sorry everyone gets schizo sometimes...
besame mucho
school was sucha bore. only highlight would probably be CLE lesson. mr chia's bloody funny. we had like our usual sex ed lesson, which i think i've had enough with my mum's drilling on KEEP IT SLOW. SLOW DOWNNN. rather amusing. but cha and i get caught up with innuendos that are bloody hilarious. someone should record one of our conversations these days.
(a suggestion to deter getting too intimate)
why dont we do something else?
yeah like play floorball!
it's still a tangle of legs sticks and balls
...trust me. girls can play around with words too.
choir was mighty odd today. guest conductress. she's highly freaky. gives me the creeps. she looked like some chipmunk who liked to open her mouth reallyreallyreally widely. help. plus the fatigue was overwhelming, i fell asleep in the canteen while taking my self proclaimed break. which explains the usually long absence. whoops.
i fell down. tripped over the steps and poof. now my ankle hurts like hell, i think i sprained it. so mum doesn't let me go out tomorrow. so how in the blue world am i supposed to go for ivan's concert?! cheat my feelings. how am i supposed to answer to him. darn it.
kelly you're so stupid. SO STUPID. how'd i wish i could slap you across the face. STUPID. plain stupidity. it's supposed to be the hardest word to say, but you! you moron you love to say it don't you. just gonna seem like some bloody fool. STUPID. just STUPID. you deserve to burn in hell or some sort. what're you expecting? someone to care for you? do you even deserve anything good in life? it's more of a die damn you die, than an 'i love you'. know yourself before wanting something. it's called knowing your bloody limits. acts of stupidity. do you have any idea how useless you are? pile of rubbish. fucking CMI. fucking loser. STUPID, i say. STUPID.
sorry everyone gets schizo sometimes...
besame mucho
you get me high`
3:41 AM
3:41 AM
Wednesday, July 27
flowers from a sweet darling (:
oh my goodness the freakiest thing happen.
she's so close to finding out.
should i tell
or should i not tell
how?
this isn't the way she was supposed to find out
how?
hauw?
oh my goodness.
what should i do?!
you get me high`
7:21 AM
7:21 AM
Tuesday, July 26
[my pretty portrait]
the threesome- xiaoyu cha and i
nikki
the threesome again
wu lei and i. check out the costumes!
kelucha!
the threesome- xiaoyu cha and i
nikki
the threesome again
wu lei and i. check out the costumes!
kelucha!
you get me high`
7:00 AM
7:00 AM
i walk this empty street
on the boulevard of broken dreams
you get me high`
6:36 AM
6:36 AM
Monday, July 25
[you are all that i need]
finally, a break seems around the corner. but it won't be for long. for datelines are slowly taking it's queue, and test dates are lurking nearby. gotta get back on my toes within these few days. mmhmm.
the weekend's been rather taxing. the mugging of countless chinese words in a sleep deprived state. ooh but sunday wasn't too bad, actually. visited chc with ling and iwan. it felt kinda weird, cause every time i go to chc, i always go with cy. but i guess a change is good sometimes. service was quite good. i thought the sermon made a lot more sense compared to e last one i sat through. still a bit brainwashing, but i guess it's their way of preaching. mmhmm. worship was good though. it's like His presence is so evident there. amazing. so different from trueway.
after that was just study all the way. whoever said people in the integrated programme don't really have to study? i've got a feeling our work's a lot harder than the rest. sigh. so much so that i'm getting a headache everytime i think of bio. i mean i understand what mr chia's talking about. but yet i don't see how i'd be able to remember that whole chunk of facts for the test! talk about information overload.
yesterday was studystudystudy again. yup. oh and piano! my teacher actually said everything was quite good! when i hardly practised! see what i mean when i say that the more i practise the more i screw up. i dont know how i'm gonna face laoban when he comes back from britain! i haven't touched my violin in months!
guess it's true that more and more people are coming to know Christ. good, ain't it. (: even music's becoming more christian. corrinne may's a christian singer, you know? bet most didn't know. haha. getting quite hooked to her music. other than 'save me'. my usual, 'i dont like overplayed music on the radio'. otherwise, her songs are really quite nice. with oblique lyrics that you don't find around much.
i mean come on. you get lyrics like "I WANNA MARRY MY STALKERRRRR"
some folks try astrology
some turn to crystal balls
to find an answer,
to get through it all
i just fall on my knees and i try to pray
in the silence i can hear Him say
the river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
i promise you, the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time
finally, a break seems around the corner. but it won't be for long. for datelines are slowly taking it's queue, and test dates are lurking nearby. gotta get back on my toes within these few days. mmhmm.
the weekend's been rather taxing. the mugging of countless chinese words in a sleep deprived state. ooh but sunday wasn't too bad, actually. visited chc with ling and iwan. it felt kinda weird, cause every time i go to chc, i always go with cy. but i guess a change is good sometimes. service was quite good. i thought the sermon made a lot more sense compared to e last one i sat through. still a bit brainwashing, but i guess it's their way of preaching. mmhmm. worship was good though. it's like His presence is so evident there. amazing. so different from trueway.
after that was just study all the way. whoever said people in the integrated programme don't really have to study? i've got a feeling our work's a lot harder than the rest. sigh. so much so that i'm getting a headache everytime i think of bio. i mean i understand what mr chia's talking about. but yet i don't see how i'd be able to remember that whole chunk of facts for the test! talk about information overload.
yesterday was studystudystudy again. yup. oh and piano! my teacher actually said everything was quite good! when i hardly practised! see what i mean when i say that the more i practise the more i screw up. i dont know how i'm gonna face laoban when he comes back from britain! i haven't touched my violin in months!
guess it's true that more and more people are coming to know Christ. good, ain't it. (: even music's becoming more christian. corrinne may's a christian singer, you know? bet most didn't know. haha. getting quite hooked to her music. other than 'save me'. my usual, 'i dont like overplayed music on the radio'. otherwise, her songs are really quite nice. with oblique lyrics that you don't find around much.
i mean come on. you get lyrics like "I WANNA MARRY MY STALKERRRRR"
some folks try astrology
some turn to crystal balls
to find an answer,
to get through it all
i just fall on my knees and i try to pray
in the silence i can hear Him say
the river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
i promise you, the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time
you get me high`
8:03 PM
8:03 PM
Sunday, July 24
[what good is a heart]
i used to feel as though everyone took the first train to jupiter and left me here on planet earth.
right now it feels that there's a possibility that you might've stayed back to keep me company.
when the whole world seems to misunderstand me and judge me
it seems as though youre the only one who loves me for who i am.
i remember asking myself why in the world are you driving me crazy, and why don't have i have the ability to do the same for you
but at least now my imagination can become reality
you taught me how to love
and you made me feel loved
you gave me wings and made me fly
cause with you around i'm not so afraid
and you always see me through and through
so i thank you for everything you've done for me
it hasn't been long
but it's enough to take my breath away
heaven knows i'm falling for you
i used to feel as though everyone took the first train to jupiter and left me here on planet earth.
right now it feels that there's a possibility that you might've stayed back to keep me company.
when the whole world seems to misunderstand me and judge me
it seems as though youre the only one who loves me for who i am.
i remember asking myself why in the world are you driving me crazy, and why don't have i have the ability to do the same for you
but at least now my imagination can become reality
you taught me how to love
and you made me feel loved
you gave me wings and made me fly
cause with you around i'm not so afraid
and you always see me through and through
so i thank you for everything you've done for me
it hasn't been long
but it's enough to take my breath away
heaven knows i'm falling for you
you get me high`
6:40 AM
6:40 AM
Saturday, July 23
[the dying sensation]
i feel as though i haven't slept for fortyeight hours. help me, someone.
let's start with yesterday.
racial harmony celebrations! it was the most boring and useless celebration we've ever had. really. it was just. terrible. after the dreaded concert, we went back to class to supposedly do some art stuff. but mr chia realised no other teacher was in class so he left us to be! watched prince of egypt. or part thereof. cause i fell asleep for a half of it, and was doing chinese for the other half. recess, with lovely coconuts. my favourite. then we were supposed to do some cultural appreciation thing. but it was like, full house? so the teachers told us to just go to one side and chat. geez. but anyway. after everything, cha and i went shopping for a realllyyy short while. to kill time.
lunch was at, haha what my friends would call, my second home. or home to be. haha funny. yup then ladeedum, went to study at guthrie at about five. but i was just too tired to study, so i watched the person next to me do his work. then we went photo frenzy! but aww i dont think any of you here will getta see the photos! haha. doubt i'll post it up.
dinner with my mum's colleague jane. at NUS. oh wait, i didn't eat. i went to play tennis with josh and kate! i didn't know josh was gonna come along, but hey he was there. so, all the better. had a helluva time. those two are mad. actually i think we're all edging at the brink of insanity. hmm. but anyway after the game, i was SO TIRED. but no! mummy decided to go to mustafa to show jane around! so fine i had to go. got home at half past twelve. bloody. see most would have thought that i would head to bed immediately, but i had to pack for the full dress rehearsal for choir the very next morning AT SEVEN THIRTY. my word. oh plus i needed my daily doze of conversation. haha.
today saw me at choir superbly early! my sleep was compromised! so the fulltime-zombie-cum-sleeping-beauty trudged around choir till twelve thirty. had chicken rice with jane, then tuition. today was a real waste of time, i really should have gone home to study. esp with my test on monday. but a promise is a promise. i could really feel time ticking away, as i sat and watched it fly by. sorry i neglected you, chinese. rah. dinner with jane. -.- thai express. then we had such a hard time coming home cause of the bloody ndp rehearsals. blocked off so many roads!
right now i'm a nauseous(from the long car ride and little sleep) zombie typing this entry, wondering if i should start work or just GO TO BED and wake up early to study tomorrow. it doesn't help that i just remembered about lit presentations on monday. damn. it. gonna go to chc with iwan and annalyn tmr.
oh i had a really disturbing dream two nights back. okay i won't call it disturbing, cause it was nice. amazing, really. just, out of this world. a dream come true. but yet it was the most nauseating dream one would ever have, and no one would EVER want to be in that position. it was so disturbing! and just absolutely wrong. but yet so right and just so in place!
okay haha that was meant to confuse you. but really it's my exact sentiments of the dream. pictures will be up soon. not many though.
tell me how you feel
i feel as though i haven't slept for fortyeight hours. help me, someone.
let's start with yesterday.
racial harmony celebrations! it was the most boring and useless celebration we've ever had. really. it was just. terrible. after the dreaded concert, we went back to class to supposedly do some art stuff. but mr chia realised no other teacher was in class so he left us to be! watched prince of egypt. or part thereof. cause i fell asleep for a half of it, and was doing chinese for the other half. recess, with lovely coconuts. my favourite. then we were supposed to do some cultural appreciation thing. but it was like, full house? so the teachers told us to just go to one side and chat. geez. but anyway. after everything, cha and i went shopping for a realllyyy short while. to kill time.
lunch was at, haha what my friends would call, my second home. or home to be. haha funny. yup then ladeedum, went to study at guthrie at about five. but i was just too tired to study, so i watched the person next to me do his work. then we went photo frenzy! but aww i dont think any of you here will getta see the photos! haha. doubt i'll post it up.
dinner with my mum's colleague jane. at NUS. oh wait, i didn't eat. i went to play tennis with josh and kate! i didn't know josh was gonna come along, but hey he was there. so, all the better. had a helluva time. those two are mad. actually i think we're all edging at the brink of insanity. hmm. but anyway after the game, i was SO TIRED. but no! mummy decided to go to mustafa to show jane around! so fine i had to go. got home at half past twelve. bloody. see most would have thought that i would head to bed immediately, but i had to pack for the full dress rehearsal for choir the very next morning AT SEVEN THIRTY. my word. oh plus i needed my daily doze of conversation. haha.
today saw me at choir superbly early! my sleep was compromised! so the fulltime-zombie-cum-sleeping-beauty trudged around choir till twelve thirty. had chicken rice with jane, then tuition. today was a real waste of time, i really should have gone home to study. esp with my test on monday. but a promise is a promise. i could really feel time ticking away, as i sat and watched it fly by. sorry i neglected you, chinese. rah. dinner with jane. -.- thai express. then we had such a hard time coming home cause of the bloody ndp rehearsals. blocked off so many roads!
right now i'm a nauseous(from the long car ride and little sleep) zombie typing this entry, wondering if i should start work or just GO TO BED and wake up early to study tomorrow. it doesn't help that i just remembered about lit presentations on monday. damn. it. gonna go to chc with iwan and annalyn tmr.
oh i had a really disturbing dream two nights back. okay i won't call it disturbing, cause it was nice. amazing, really. just, out of this world. a dream come true. but yet it was the most nauseating dream one would ever have, and no one would EVER want to be in that position. it was so disturbing! and just absolutely wrong. but yet so right and just so in place!
okay haha that was meant to confuse you. but really it's my exact sentiments of the dream. pictures will be up soon. not many though.
tell me how you feel
you get me high`
7:26 AM
7:26 AM
Wednesday, July 20
[a beautiful surprise]
it's like yesterday, i didn't even know your name
now today, you're always on my mind
i never could have predicted that i'd feel this way
you are a beautiful surprise
intoxicating everytime i hear your voice
you get me on a natural high
its almost like I didnt even have a choice
feeling like rubbish now. quite sick. should be going to school tomorrow, however not the most keen to go on friday. racial harmony's kinda boring. but it's like the last year, and rucha's mum got permission from my mum to go stay over at her place, so her mum can tie the sari for me. hmm. kinda stuck in a dilemma.
it's always good to trust kate with introduction of music. good music. maybe it's similarity of taste, but india arie is damn good!
aiight, superbly tired. my head's banging. it's like after drinking the pan pacific galactic gargle. something like banging your brain against the wall and then squeezing lemon on your brain. shrugs. hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.
you're beautiful
it's like yesterday, i didn't even know your name
now today, you're always on my mind
i never could have predicted that i'd feel this way
you are a beautiful surprise
intoxicating everytime i hear your voice
you get me on a natural high
its almost like I didnt even have a choice
feeling like rubbish now. quite sick. should be going to school tomorrow, however not the most keen to go on friday. racial harmony's kinda boring. but it's like the last year, and rucha's mum got permission from my mum to go stay over at her place, so her mum can tie the sari for me. hmm. kinda stuck in a dilemma.
it's always good to trust kate with introduction of music. good music. maybe it's similarity of taste, but india arie is damn good!
aiight, superbly tired. my head's banging. it's like after drinking the pan pacific galactic gargle. something like banging your brain against the wall and then squeezing lemon on your brain. shrugs. hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.
you're beautiful
you get me high`
7:24 AM
7:24 AM
Tuesday, July 19
[i promise]
whee. i miss my blog having entries like the last one. though not very vague this time round, it's less in the face. gives more atmosphere. suspense. curiosity.
fun stuff.
been thinking a lot lately. of people. things. situations that passed me by. seems like my scars will forever ruin God's plan. i miss...friends. whom i have drifted from due to my pride to stick up for myself, for that once. that instance. to not falter and apologise like i always do. gary. someone who used to be close. a good confidant, though a rather naggy one. but someone who made a difference, who left a footprint. but sometimes the feeling of being taking for granted, surpasses all of this. and people like...gerald. again. the feeling of being taken for granted. just that this one neverdared to salvage the situation. once upon a time. a good friend. yet another good confidant. a neighbour, literally. and a rather good companion. but yet. it's all gone.
just like that.
will God ever give me a chance to gain it all back? without having to kneel in front of them and ask for their forgiveness, though i still believe i wasn't wrong in my judgement. maybe it's partly cause i'm growing spiritually. and i want, so badly, to be able to reflect Him through a transformed person. a good-natured being who loves her neighbour as herself.
i wonder if i want to turn back the hands of time.
nothing's quite the same now
whee. i miss my blog having entries like the last one. though not very vague this time round, it's less in the face. gives more atmosphere. suspense. curiosity.
fun stuff.
been thinking a lot lately. of people. things. situations that passed me by. seems like my scars will forever ruin God's plan. i miss...friends. whom i have drifted from due to my pride to stick up for myself, for that once. that instance. to not falter and apologise like i always do. gary. someone who used to be close. a good confidant, though a rather naggy one. but someone who made a difference, who left a footprint. but sometimes the feeling of being taking for granted, surpasses all of this. and people like...gerald. again. the feeling of being taken for granted. just that this one never
just like that.
will God ever give me a chance to gain it all back? without having to kneel in front of them and ask for their forgiveness, though i still believe i wasn't wrong in my judgement. maybe it's partly cause i'm growing spiritually. and i want, so badly, to be able to reflect Him through a transformed person. a good-natured being who loves her neighbour as herself.
i wonder if i want to turn back the hands of time.
nothing's quite the same now
you get me high`
8:40 AM
8:40 AM
Monday, July 18
[im dying to explain my heart to you]
i happened to be blog surfing. and i landed up at an acquaintance's blog.
someone i never really knew, but had always heard about. i haven't visited his blog since he broke up with my friend. i thought, why'd i need to. i never thought they were very serious.
but boy was i wrong.
it kinda scares me. seeing people like him. like that. revolving around a memory. a shadow. almost a ghost. i mean maybe i've always held true to the fact that girls are usually more clingy/emotional as compared to guys. but for the past six months, i've been proven wrong. i've seen so many, crushed, lifeless. over something that made them so happy. once upon a dream. started to take it for granted. and then crying over spilled milk.
i just don't want to ever be in that position. i know i'm paranoid, i always am. cause i'm not like everyone else. who'd rather have tried, than to never have experienced. to only know the reality of fire after being burnt. badly. really, i'd just stay away from the flame. i don't know what made me daring enough to challenge something that usually only ends up a tragedy. twice. once bitten, twice shy. somehow i didn't buy that. maybe i wanted to prove that things can be different. as long as you make the effort, and as long as you were really made for it.
i know it'd last. this time. but for how long, i don't know. forever, i hope. cause i'd never want to live without you. but one's gotta be realistic, and i know i'm vulnerable. we all are. guess i don't want to ever lose a soulmate. guess i just can't imagine the day where our paths won't meet, backs turned, and to walk down the individual roads planned for us. without my hand being in yours.
but with that said, i love you. so much more than you'll ever know. and i enjoy every second i'm with you, esp these days, when things seem more stable. when we're a lot more comfortable with each other. and i promise i'll be the one who'd keep the rain from falling into your light. sorry i know i'm just being paranoid and probably thinking too much.
i guess its cause i believe you when you say you love me.
____________________________________
okay enough pointless rattling for the day.
[hmm i miss entries like these on my blog]
so long, and thanks for all the fish!
i love you more every day
and nothing will take that love away
i happened to be blog surfing. and i landed up at an acquaintance's blog.
someone i never really knew, but had always heard about. i haven't visited his blog since he broke up with my friend. i thought, why'd i need to. i never thought they were very serious.
but boy was i wrong.
it kinda scares me. seeing people like him. like that. revolving around a memory. a shadow. almost a ghost. i mean maybe i've always held true to the fact that girls are usually more clingy/emotional as compared to guys. but for the past six months, i've been proven wrong. i've seen so many, crushed, lifeless. over something that made them so happy. once upon a dream. started to take it for granted. and then crying over spilled milk.
i just don't want to ever be in that position. i know i'm paranoid, i always am. cause i'm not like everyone else. who'd rather have tried, than to never have experienced. to only know the reality of fire after being burnt. badly. really, i'd just stay away from the flame. i don't know what made me daring enough to challenge something that usually only ends up a tragedy. twice. once bitten, twice shy. somehow i didn't buy that. maybe i wanted to prove that things can be different. as long as you make the effort, and as long as you were really made for it.
i know it'd last. this time. but for how long, i don't know. forever, i hope. cause i'd never want to live without you. but one's gotta be realistic, and i know i'm vulnerable. we all are. guess i don't want to ever lose a soulmate. guess i just can't imagine the day where our paths won't meet, backs turned, and to walk down the individual roads planned for us. without my hand being in yours.
but with that said, i love you. so much more than you'll ever know. and i enjoy every second i'm with you, esp these days, when things seem more stable. when we're a lot more comfortable with each other. and i promise i'll be the one who'd keep the rain from falling into your light. sorry i know i'm just being paranoid and probably thinking too much.
i guess its cause i believe you when you say you love me.
____________________________________
okay enough pointless rattling for the day.
[hmm i miss entries like these on my blog]
so long, and thanks for all the fish!
i love you more every day
and nothing will take that love away
you get me high`
2:10 AM
2:10 AM
Sunday, July 17
[fame is like a river]
don't ask me why i'm blogging so much. maybe i'm in a good mood.
i just read ling's blog and i think that woman's damn funny. and controversial. i mean if you look at her. you'd never believe she's rather sentimental, and actually does the silly girly antics people like me would do. actually. i wouldn't even go to the extreme of sleeping at 315 just cause it's significant. haha. but really. she might look like a block of wood, a very sleepy one, to most, but she's actually not that inactive. i know you must be giving me that "thanks...whatever" look. but yeah. haha. sorry i'm using you for case study. and a blogging topic. be honoured k! haha but if you get to know her better, or at least flow with the same frequency, you'd realise she's actually a superbly lame person with a rather witty sense of humour. haha i feel like deleting my whole entry. maybe i will. ah well.
piano was canceled today. oh hallelujah. char cha nikki and i are gonna scale the ri track on the 30th! at about 10pm! after ndp rehearsals (which sucks, and im really not looking forward to go for it. just imagine. choir from 8 to about one? ndp from one to nine. and running from ten onwards. what. the. hell.), and we'll be running with dr william tan! he just came down for a talk today. iwan mentioned the run to me before, but ah well. just got to know it today. he's so funny, apparently i heard he told mrs wee to try convince us not to go down at night, cause guys are not the most well behaved at night. referring to the ri people of course. ahha. but well it's good exercise and i feel fat anyway.
probably head down to the gym for awhile after dinner or smthg. damn, desperate housewives' over. haven't been doing work for awhile. i don't think there's been homework. i feel absolutely slack and lethargic without homework to complete. empty too. just that i dont really know what to study. or even revise. hmm. very interesting. oh yes, that reminds me of the very trying jianbao due every tuesday. or which i think i've only handed in less than one quarter out of all the tuesdays. i should try to be hardworking and complete them.
______________________________________
blogging in school now. HI ANNALYN.(:
very disturbing issues have surfaced in school. concerning people who're rather close to me. okay actually only one of them. but it's so sad, how guys are sometimes. i just really hope i'm wrong. and we're all wrong. and no one would be hurt. i remember someone telling me once that guys lie all the time. just that we aren't alert enough to identify them. unfortunately this guy's not very smart, his stories are all full of loopholes.
or at least they seem so now.
whee. clara why're you still asking that question. didn't you read? haha. and the lucky guy thinks he's very lucky. right right? seee. dumdum. piano later. kinda sucks. i think the more i practise the worse i get. ahh well.
sometimes i wish everyone in choir were more like kongjin. she keeps her comments to herself. and is very appreciative. i mean come on, she thanked me for choreographing a dance for her song so many times. see at least it helps me to enjoy what i'm doing. sigh. instead of everyone just judging everyone else. it sucks to see that choir has come to this state. okay i won't speak for all when i make that statement, but really. what happened to the good ol' peaceful days.
ah i have to figure out what to do now. to go home or not to go home. that is the question.
cheer up babe! don't let the heart shut down!
hearts never apart
true from the start
don't ask me why i'm blogging so much. maybe i'm in a good mood.
i just read ling's blog and i think that woman's damn funny. and controversial. i mean if you look at her. you'd never believe she's rather sentimental, and actually does the silly girly antics people like me would do. actually. i wouldn't even go to the extreme of sleeping at 315 just cause it's significant. haha. but really. she might look like a block of wood, a very sleepy one, to most, but she's actually not that inactive. i know you must be giving me that "thanks...whatever" look. but yeah. haha. sorry i'm using you for case study. and a blogging topic. be honoured k! haha but if you get to know her better, or at least flow with the same frequency, you'd realise she's actually a superbly lame person with a rather witty sense of humour. haha i feel like deleting my whole entry. maybe i will. ah well.
piano was canceled today. oh hallelujah. char cha nikki and i are gonna scale the ri track on the 30th! at about 10pm! after ndp rehearsals (which sucks, and im really not looking forward to go for it. just imagine. choir from 8 to about one? ndp from one to nine. and running from ten onwards. what. the. hell.), and we'll be running with dr william tan! he just came down for a talk today. iwan mentioned the run to me before, but ah well. just got to know it today. he's so funny, apparently i heard he told mrs wee to try convince us not to go down at night, cause guys are not the most well behaved at night. referring to the ri people of course. ahha. but well it's good exercise and i feel fat anyway.
probably head down to the gym for awhile after dinner or smthg. damn, desperate housewives' over. haven't been doing work for awhile. i don't think there's been homework. i feel absolutely slack and lethargic without homework to complete. empty too. just that i dont really know what to study. or even revise. hmm. very interesting. oh yes, that reminds me of the very trying jianbao due every tuesday. or which i think i've only handed in less than one quarter out of all the tuesdays. i should try to be hardworking and complete them.
______________________________________
blogging in school now. HI ANNALYN.(:
very disturbing issues have surfaced in school. concerning people who're rather close to me. okay actually only one of them. but it's so sad, how guys are sometimes. i just really hope i'm wrong. and we're all wrong. and no one would be hurt. i remember someone telling me once that guys lie all the time. just that we aren't alert enough to identify them. unfortunately this guy's not very smart, his stories are all full of loopholes.
or at least they seem so now.
whee. clara why're you still asking that question. didn't you read? haha. and the lucky guy thinks he's very lucky. right right? seee. dumdum. piano later. kinda sucks. i think the more i practise the worse i get. ahh well.
sometimes i wish everyone in choir were more like kongjin. she keeps her comments to herself. and is very appreciative. i mean come on, she thanked me for choreographing a dance for her song so many times. see at least it helps me to enjoy what i'm doing. sigh. instead of everyone just judging everyone else. it sucks to see that choir has come to this state. okay i won't speak for all when i make that statement, but really. what happened to the good ol' peaceful days.
ah i have to figure out what to do now. to go home or not to go home. that is the question.
cheer up babe! don't let the heart shut down!
hearts never apart
true from the start
you get me high`
10:52 PM
10:52 PM
[deny my heart]
munching on my double cookie and creme ice cream now. yumyum.
today didn't feel like a sunday at all. woke up feeling really tired. met jess at buona vista to go to j8 for the 933 event. as usual, we didn't really bother to line up, but found another way around it. (: rocks, i tell ya. shi kang jun's so cute! and damn he sings well. i took nice pictures! (:
(: botanical gardens after that. funfun.
whee today was quite fun. (: whee thanks for spending time with me. makes my day! yay i love you baby.
oh thanks ivan for everything today! sorry i know i haven't been spending much time with you. but i will! after choir expires. yup. dinner some time this week aiight? and STOP HAUW-ING. it's getting old! (:
haha yuan what makes you say that. mad boy.
should i go for presentation night?
an angel in disguise
munching on my double cookie and creme ice cream now. yumyum.
today didn't feel like a sunday at all. woke up feeling really tired. met jess at buona vista to go to j8 for the 933 event. as usual, we didn't really bother to line up, but found another way around it. (: rocks, i tell ya. shi kang jun's so cute! and damn he sings well. i took nice pictures! (:
(: botanical gardens after that. funfun.
whee today was quite fun. (: whee thanks for spending time with me. makes my day! yay i love you baby.
oh thanks ivan for everything today! sorry i know i haven't been spending much time with you. but i will! after choir expires. yup. dinner some time this week aiight? and STOP HAUW-ING. it's getting old! (:
haha yuan what makes you say that. mad boy.
should i go for presentation night?
an angel in disguise
you get me high`
7:02 AM
7:02 AM
Saturday, July 16
[nobody said it was easy]
getting tired of everything around me. hypocrisy. a word that i despise and absolutely resent, is present in all aspects of my life. no, i dont carry it out, instead it slaps me across my face. i just don't understand why people don't know how to be straightforward. sometimes being blunt is appreciated. does it not go against your conscience to smile so sweetly at one you bitch about so damn much? i mean, it's hardly even normal.
but then of course it all boils down to liberty of thoughts. you can think whatever you want, and i have no right to say anything about it. in the same way if you think i'm not the one, i really can't do anything about it. but to just keep loving you.
this is why i dread choir so much these days.
was talking about 'sorry's today. so they say that sorry seems to be the hardest word. but that doesn't apply to me. cause unfortunately, sorry seems to be the only word that forms the bridge between my friends and i. however, i always carry the bricks and hammer. while the other party just walks across it. when i go on strike, the bridge would never be built, and the war would never end. many might think it's good but i think it's just pathetic. absolutely useless. reflects on one's stupidity. MY stupidity, to be exact. but hey, everyone was made differently.
i'm sorry if i'm random today, i've been weaving in many differing ideas in my past three paragaphs. nevermind...
open house today was quite a drag. actually the only part i really enjoyed was helping miss goh at the chem booth. and that was the exact thing that put me in my place right now. perhaps i was running on a short fuse, but nothing seemed to go right. seeing those faces, and knowing the daggers behind what meets the eye. it really disgusts me.
was dozing off during tuition. after the very taxing 8ish hours at open house. salvation didn't knock at my door, though. thank goodness mq was kind enough to get me a drink, to at least hydrate my tired self, and to be slightly perked up by the cooling sensation of sprite. ah heavenly. had to make my way home myself after tuition though.
the only remedy i had from today was seeking refuge in pool. with ling at jcc. in the same way with rucha, when you put ling and i together, the air around us is always densely filled with laughter. however today was slightly different since we had to pool in HEELS. considering we forgot to wear shoes and the guy in charge this time was so picky. and we really started playing like rubbish after awhile. haha. must have been the fatigue. ah well. join me at humanitiess!
actually i'm quite thankful for a friend like annalynnnnnnn. though we have countless ruffles all the time, i think she's one of the only people i can really talk to. and have the same sort of frequency. plus i somehow feel that this year we were brought together through Christ. i mean though we've been christians almost all our life, this year seems. different. don't you agree? He seems to be in our midst. in our friendship. superbly cool. (:
ahha hey muffin what do you mean by your comment, i really didn't get it. but it's not the most advisable thing to make a remark like that at the person you did. he's not annonymous you know. hahah. come talk to me on msn! and sorry for falling asleep on you last night.
You see through my forever lies
and You are not believing
and i see through Your forever eyes
that You are forever healing
getting tired of everything around me. hypocrisy. a word that i despise and absolutely resent, is present in all aspects of my life. no, i dont carry it out, instead it slaps me across my face. i just don't understand why people don't know how to be straightforward. sometimes being blunt is appreciated. does it not go against your conscience to smile so sweetly at one you bitch about so damn much? i mean, it's hardly even normal.
but then of course it all boils down to liberty of thoughts. you can think whatever you want, and i have no right to say anything about it. in the same way if you think i'm not the one, i really can't do anything about it. but to just keep loving you.
this is why i dread choir so much these days.
was talking about 'sorry's today. so they say that sorry seems to be the hardest word. but that doesn't apply to me. cause unfortunately, sorry seems to be the only word that forms the bridge between my friends and i. however, i always carry the bricks and hammer. while the other party just walks across it. when i go on strike, the bridge would never be built, and the war would never end. many might think it's good but i think it's just pathetic. absolutely useless. reflects on one's stupidity. MY stupidity, to be exact. but hey, everyone was made differently.
i'm sorry if i'm random today, i've been weaving in many differing ideas in my past three paragaphs. nevermind...
open house today was quite a drag. actually the only part i really enjoyed was helping miss goh at the chem booth. and that was the exact thing that put me in my place right now. perhaps i was running on a short fuse, but nothing seemed to go right. seeing those faces, and knowing the daggers behind what meets the eye. it really disgusts me.
was dozing off during tuition. after the very taxing 8ish hours at open house. salvation didn't knock at my door, though. thank goodness mq was kind enough to get me a drink, to at least hydrate my tired self, and to be slightly perked up by the cooling sensation of sprite. ah heavenly. had to make my way home myself after tuition though.
the only remedy i had from today was seeking refuge in pool. with ling at jcc. in the same way with rucha, when you put ling and i together, the air around us is always densely filled with laughter. however today was slightly different since we had to pool in HEELS. considering we forgot to wear shoes and the guy in charge this time was so picky. and we really started playing like rubbish after awhile. haha. must have been the fatigue. ah well. join me at humanitiess!
actually i'm quite thankful for a friend like annalynnnnnnn. though we have countless ruffles all the time, i think she's one of the only people i can really talk to. and have the same sort of frequency. plus i somehow feel that this year we were brought together through Christ. i mean though we've been christians almost all our life, this year seems. different. don't you agree? He seems to be in our midst. in our friendship. superbly cool. (:
ahha hey muffin what do you mean by your comment, i really didn't get it. but it's not the most advisable thing to make a remark like that at the person you did. he's not annonymous you know. hahah. come talk to me on msn! and sorry for falling asleep on you last night.
You see through my forever lies
and You are not believing
and i see through Your forever eyes
that You are forever healing
you get me high`
7:58 AM
7:58 AM
Friday, July 15
[at the beginning with you]
woohoo new layout!
sorry got kinda sick of my previous one. kinda got too pink and heart-y.
school was quite a drag today. english lessons from now till orals are just gonna be slack. like, really. it's gonne take stone ages till my turn. so i can just take that time to catch up with some sleep. (: social studies lessons aren't much of a help either. she really just states common sense. like basic common sense. "what do you do when you meet an inference question?! INFER!" mann.
kinda slept through math, but i get integration! woohoo. recess. then assembly. sex talk. really really crudely put across. man. we always get weird talks like these. but it really does help put across the term ABSTINENCE. haha. cha and i have a really fun time speaking in innuendos! damn. wonder what i'm gonna do without her next year!
after assembly was chinese. laoshi was here. then english. sleeping block.
after school cha and i went for the humanities scholarship talk. i think i'm gonna drop science after secondary school. sounds cool to be a humanities scholar. follow in my brother's footsteps. rah.
i dont want to go for choirrr! my word, it's five times a week. tuesday wednesday thursdays fridays saturdays! i'm gonna rip my hair and jump off a building!
i feel bad. i haven't been practising my violin. laoban's at summer school in boston, but he told me to go to his student, whom i haven't called. for... about a month. rah. guilty conscience.
mummy's friends jane and her husband are coming down to singapore again! whee. my mum says jane seems to be very eager for adam to meet me! adam's her son. i wonder why. hmmm. but he's only coming down in september, (they're coming again) cause he's got work experience in france. isn't that cool?! like, our work ex is some ulu place in singapore, theirs are in FRANCE. hopefully i'll getta make a trip down at the end of this year. haven't been to the states for ages! woohoo washington!
(: ok sleep time! i feel fat.
i'm all about you
woohoo new layout!
sorry got kinda sick of my previous one. kinda got too pink and heart-y.
school was quite a drag today. english lessons from now till orals are just gonna be slack. like, really. it's gonne take stone ages till my turn. so i can just take that time to catch up with some sleep. (: social studies lessons aren't much of a help either. she really just states common sense. like basic common sense. "what do you do when you meet an inference question?! INFER!" mann.
kinda slept through math, but i get integration! woohoo. recess. then assembly. sex talk. really really crudely put across. man. we always get weird talks like these. but it really does help put across the term ABSTINENCE. haha. cha and i have a really fun time speaking in innuendos! damn. wonder what i'm gonna do without her next year!
after assembly was chinese. laoshi was here. then english. sleeping block.
after school cha and i went for the humanities scholarship talk. i think i'm gonna drop science after secondary school. sounds cool to be a humanities scholar. follow in my brother's footsteps. rah.
i dont want to go for choirrr! my word, it's five times a week. tuesday wednesday thursdays fridays saturdays! i'm gonna rip my hair and jump off a building!
i feel bad. i haven't been practising my violin. laoban's at summer school in boston, but he told me to go to his student, whom i haven't called. for... about a month. rah. guilty conscience.
mummy's friends jane and her husband are coming down to singapore again! whee. my mum says jane seems to be very eager for adam to meet me! adam's her son. i wonder why. hmmm. but he's only coming down in september, (they're coming again) cause he's got work experience in france. isn't that cool?! like, our work ex is some ulu place in singapore, theirs are in FRANCE. hopefully i'll getta make a trip down at the end of this year. haven't been to the states for ages! woohoo washington!
(: ok sleep time! i feel fat.
i'm all about you
you get me high`
7:55 AM
7:55 AM
Thursday, July 14
[everyday it's You i live for]
yesterday was fun! and rather exciting. haha. my babyy picked me up from school. haha so cute so cute. then we went back to his place for lunch. stayed around a bit. and when we were going off, the scariest thing happened! haha i'm still omg-ing about it now. rah. nevermind. they'll have to know somehow someday anyway.
so anyway it's raining when i was on the bus home, so i figured i'd drop at clementi and cab home. but i was on the phone with jess so i MISSED my stop! oh man. but miraculously it stopped raining! so i dropped at my original stop. but once i stepped out of the bus, it started to pour. haha damn it was so comical.
when i got home, all i did was watch tv and play my piano! haha. cause i didn't have homework, and i'd revised my chem and bio earlier on. (: did that till like 10! then practised my piano till about 11+, then mummy and i went out for icecream. haha dont ask me why, didn't feel like there was school the next day.
ANYWAY. i'm happy! cause my dreams came true. i won't have to dread the 5-days-a-week-choir schedule that much cause i get to dance! my type of dance! with yilun! sooo funkay. can't wait. (: hopefully ms loo is approving of it.
bleagh. gotta hit the plates for dinner! will try to blog again soon. i realise i don't stay at my com that much now. hardly chat. haha. ah well.
thanks for making me smile!
i love you!
when the heartache ends
yesterday was fun! and rather exciting. haha. my babyy picked me up from school. haha so cute so cute. then we went back to his place for lunch. stayed around a bit. and when we were going off, the scariest thing happened! haha i'm still omg-ing about it now. rah. nevermind. they'll have to know somehow someday anyway.
so anyway it's raining when i was on the bus home, so i figured i'd drop at clementi and cab home. but i was on the phone with jess so i MISSED my stop! oh man. but miraculously it stopped raining! so i dropped at my original stop. but once i stepped out of the bus, it started to pour. haha damn it was so comical.
when i got home, all i did was watch tv and play my piano! haha. cause i didn't have homework, and i'd revised my chem and bio earlier on. (: did that till like 10! then practised my piano till about 11+, then mummy and i went out for icecream. haha dont ask me why, didn't feel like there was school the next day.
ANYWAY. i'm happy! cause my dreams came true. i won't have to dread the 5-days-a-week-choir schedule that much cause i get to dance! my type of dance! with yilun! sooo funkay. can't wait. (: hopefully ms loo is approving of it.
bleagh. gotta hit the plates for dinner! will try to blog again soon. i realise i don't stay at my com that much now. hardly chat. haha. ah well.
thanks for making me smile!
i love you!
when the heartache ends
you get me high`
9:24 AM
9:24 AM
Wednesday, July 13
[send someone to love me]
just got back from dance. i wanna book a studio somewhere! like for a few hours. to let me drill on my across-the-floors and my routines! hello! someone help! anyone's condo happens to have a dance studio? or a CC nearby where i can book? whee help me kill my time and become a better dancer! haha.
dance was pretty fun i'd say. alicia wasn't around so marcus took over. very... street jazz like. since he's the teacher for street. but anyways! twas cool. felt like i was flying up and across the studio. its a superb feeling. haha but i think i hurt my back while doing some attitude turn. rah. nvm, it's extremely temporary.
went to the swim nats today. fine. so i stayed for like. two hours? 1-3ish. but hey its better than nothing. i get to kill two birds with one stone. was there with cha and xiaoyu. we just walked around and drank a lot of milo. kinda odd, but nevertheless. saw nick. i still don't know why i still hear people gushing over him. i mean he's kinda passe. okay nevermind. he's still one of my favorite. haha. and i still think he's not too bad looking. saw a few other people. OOH i saw xiaoyu's...person! hahaha. omg the guy who looks like clive! yup. so funny. anyway thanks to two of you who helped me cover up and escape early.
met jess and david for initial D. other than racing, it's really nothing much. wonder why everyone's been gushing over it. but shawn yue's hot! rah then jess lost her phone! man. searched around for it, but it was gone! all the dishonest people in the world should be shot. depriving a poor girl of her phone. damn.
oh YEAH! you know i went to school this morning, to be greeted by a bio worksheet. and you know the place where you write your name? it was written "kelly hauw" in very-obviously annalyn foo's handwriting. superbly wrong! i stared at the paper for at least 10 seconds in amusement. some things people do when they're bored huh...
anyways crunches and turns tend to get one dizzy. (i didn't skive on my crunches today! woohoo!) so im gonna head to bed. dang. night y'all.
so he falls in love to feel that he's falling
just got back from dance. i wanna book a studio somewhere! like for a few hours. to let me drill on my across-the-floors and my routines! hello! someone help! anyone's condo happens to have a dance studio? or a CC nearby where i can book? whee help me kill my time and become a better dancer! haha.
dance was pretty fun i'd say. alicia wasn't around so marcus took over. very... street jazz like. since he's the teacher for street. but anyways! twas cool. felt like i was flying up and across the studio. its a superb feeling. haha but i think i hurt my back while doing some attitude turn. rah. nvm, it's extremely temporary.
went to the swim nats today. fine. so i stayed for like. two hours? 1-3ish. but hey its better than nothing. i get to kill two birds with one stone. was there with cha and xiaoyu. we just walked around and drank a lot of milo. kinda odd, but nevertheless. saw nick. i still don't know why i still hear people gushing over him. i mean he's kinda passe. okay nevermind. he's still one of my favorite. haha. and i still think he's not too bad looking. saw a few other people. OOH i saw xiaoyu's...person! hahaha. omg the guy who looks like clive! yup. so funny. anyway thanks to two of you who helped me cover up and escape early.
met jess and david for initial D. other than racing, it's really nothing much. wonder why everyone's been gushing over it. but shawn yue's hot! rah then jess lost her phone! man. searched around for it, but it was gone! all the dishonest people in the world should be shot. depriving a poor girl of her phone. damn.
oh YEAH! you know i went to school this morning, to be greeted by a bio worksheet. and you know the place where you write your name? it was written "kelly hauw" in very-obviously annalyn foo's handwriting. superbly wrong! i stared at the paper for at least 10 seconds in amusement. some things people do when they're bored huh...
anyways crunches and turns tend to get one dizzy. (i didn't skive on my crunches today! woohoo!) so im gonna head to bed. dang. night y'all.
so he falls in love to feel that he's falling
you get me high`
7:23 AM
7:23 AM
Monday, July 11
[you make me high]
everytime i decide that i want to prove a point and to make a stand, and not to give in to my soft side, i never succeed. because things always happen and they're just out there to play around with my feelings. maybe everytime i want to prove a point, God up there is proving His too. that for goodness sakes, why force yourself to be mean when I want My children to be good-natured, and not harbour ill intentions to their peers? love your neighbours as yourself, He often tells me.
thus i shall try to cough out his present by today. if that's ever possible. and somehow i doubt.
derek rang me up last night, and i think he's become such a joker. ahha nevermind, shall not state the reasons why. but thanks anw! for always calling at the right times.
(:
average everyday sane psycho
everytime i decide that i want to prove a point and to make a stand, and not to give in to my soft side, i never succeed. because things always happen and they're just out there to play around with my feelings. maybe everytime i want to prove a point, God up there is proving His too. that for goodness sakes, why force yourself to be mean when I want My children to be good-natured, and not harbour ill intentions to their peers? love your neighbours as yourself, He often tells me.
thus i shall try to cough out his present by today. if that's ever possible. and somehow i doubt.
derek rang me up last night, and i think he's become such a joker. ahha nevermind, shall not state the reasons why. but thanks anw! for always calling at the right times.
(:
average everyday sane psycho
you get me high`
10:13 PM
10:13 PM
Sunday, July 10
[compared to knowing Jesus]
nothing i can offer to heaven
nothing i can bring to make peace
nothing in the way that i sing His songs
nothing in the way that i pray
though i can say that i love Him
though i can lift up my hands
though i have actions and words of grace
though i hold my head up high
there's nothing in the world or in my life
that doesn't disappear or fade away
everything i've come to know i count as loss
compared to knowing Jesus, my Lord
If i am right with my Maker
it is through faith in my Lord
if i have goodness it comes from Him
if i am pure i give thanks
i want to know my Jesus my Saviour
i want to know His power to rise (from the dead)
i want to have fellowship in his grief
i want to be raised up with Him
nothing i can offer to heaven
nothing i can bring to make peace
nothing in the way that i sing His songs
nothing in the way that i pray
though i can say that i love Him
though i can lift up my hands
though i have actions and words of grace
though i hold my head up high
there's nothing in the world or in my life
that doesn't disappear or fade away
everything i've come to know i count as loss
compared to knowing Jesus, my Lord
If i am right with my Maker
it is through faith in my Lord
if i have goodness it comes from Him
if i am pure i give thanks
i want to know my Jesus my Saviour
i want to know His power to rise (from the dead)
i want to have fellowship in his grief
i want to be raised up with Him
you get me high`
8:22 AM
8:22 AM
[youre the reason i believe in love]
these are some things you can do when you're bored to tears. literally.
[even better if you have people behind you scolding you and making life miserable for you]
one, bang your head against a window or glass panel or wall. until your forehead turns red and it starts to get really painful.
two, just keep punching the wall till your knuckles turn red/swollen/or starts to bleed.
okay that's just two pointers. cause those are the only two i've tried. tried and tested. yup. it's quite fun really.
alternatively, if you're not THAT vexed,
you COULD try talking to yourself.
or scream at yourself.
but it didn't really work for me. tried but failed. so yeah.
actually it came more like second nature. a by-product. subconsciously.
yup.
what other things can you do when you're really bored you've finished all your homework, you're as frustrated as a bull, and you're just annoyed. food for thought.
break me shake me hate me
these are some things you can do when you're bored to tears. literally.
[even better if you have people behind you scolding you and making life miserable for you]
one, bang your head against a window or glass panel or wall. until your forehead turns red and it starts to get really painful.
two, just keep punching the wall till your knuckles turn red/swollen/or starts to bleed.
okay that's just two pointers. cause those are the only two i've tried. tried and tested. yup. it's quite fun really.
alternatively, if you're not THAT vexed,
you COULD try talking to yourself.
or scream at yourself.
but it didn't really work for me. tried but failed. so yeah.
actually it came more like second nature. a by-product. subconsciously.
yup.
what other things can you do when you're really bored you've finished all your homework, you're as frustrated as a bull, and you're just annoyed. food for thought.
break me shake me hate me
you get me high`
2:05 AM
2:05 AM
Saturday, July 9
[my heart breaks for you]
finally. one of the worst weeks are over. finally. i can take a breather.
it was only after friday did i realise, that it's so tiring to be alone. to cry alone. to not have someone around you when you're feeling like shit.
and now i appreciate everyone around me who has been trying to break through my circle of insecurity. even though most probably didn't succeed, but nevertheless, i thank you.
as i told ling, bottles aren't good.
so shouldn't i heed my own advice?
but i guess bottles might be inevitable. cause the usual bottlecap openers aren't here. they aren't around me, to do what they do best. of course, i'm thankful for the new people around me who're trying to replace the usual bottlecap openers. but i'm used to my comfort zone. guess things change, it's no use holding on to things that are long gone.
let go. just let go.
ah well. last night saw me at DXO at esplanade. shi kang jun is damn cute. and he sings damn well! mann. you hardly get people like that these days. i think jess might have took an interest in him. haha. then stayed back for a drink. had a really weird mocktail, after having to put up with ego bartenders flirting with jess and i. ha, funny.
oh oh. jess and i took a picture with some guy from S league. though we don't know who it is. cause when i was walking into esplanade, one of his friends came up and said, HI. i'm (inserts name, i can't remember). can we be friends? let's take a picture. -.- it was rather scary. so i called jess for help. but the S league guy seemed a lot more normal than his friends. haha it was weird.
at least today's a bit better. cause i'm on cold war. strike, i would call it. and i had desirable company for breakfast. ahha. whee. thanks dear.
okay i'm like burning. the weather's mad. i shall go bask in the aircon room.
you left once again
finally. one of the worst weeks are over. finally. i can take a breather.
it was only after friday did i realise, that it's so tiring to be alone. to cry alone. to not have someone around you when you're feeling like shit.
and now i appreciate everyone around me who has been trying to break through my circle of insecurity. even though most probably didn't succeed, but nevertheless, i thank you.
as i told ling, bottles aren't good.
so shouldn't i heed my own advice?
but i guess bottles might be inevitable. cause the usual bottlecap openers aren't here. they aren't around me, to do what they do best. of course, i'm thankful for the new people around me who're trying to replace the usual bottlecap openers. but i'm used to my comfort zone. guess things change, it's no use holding on to things that are long gone.
let go. just let go.
ah well. last night saw me at DXO at esplanade. shi kang jun is damn cute. and he sings damn well! mann. you hardly get people like that these days. i think jess might have took an interest in him. haha. then stayed back for a drink. had a really weird mocktail, after having to put up with ego bartenders flirting with jess and i. ha, funny.
oh oh. jess and i took a picture with some guy from S league. though we don't know who it is. cause when i was walking into esplanade, one of his friends came up and said, HI. i'm (inserts name, i can't remember). can we be friends? let's take a picture. -.- it was rather scary. so i called jess for help. but the S league guy seemed a lot more normal than his friends. haha it was weird.
at least today's a bit better. cause i'm on cold war. strike, i would call it. and i had desirable company for breakfast. ahha. whee. thanks dear.
okay i'm like burning. the weather's mad. i shall go bask in the aircon room.
you left once again
you get me high`
4:11 AM
4:11 AM
Tuesday, July 5
... is it wrong to like someone?
... is it wrong to love someone?
just as long it isnt lust,
i believe its perfectly ok.
oh, please get your parameters right.
lust = to get
love = to give
extracted from the great annalyn.
so true, isn't it?
now it's just to figure out what it is.
though i've probably been convinced last night.
i still want to be able to wake up with you by my side
so don't leave.
i dont know what i'll do without you.
and i thank God for answering my prayers
you get me high`
10:25 PM
10:25 PM
Monday, July 4
[angels are falling from your skies]
it's been a rather spanking good weekend. with ups and downs but nevertheless.
saturday was worship! tuition then worship, actually. as stated in the last entry, the worship band guys are mad. utter madness. haha. but hell we have all the fun anyway. couldn't stay for too long, had to rush to town! falalala, then shopping. dinner. dropped by to wish daryl happy birthday. zhiwen and auyong were there too. it's always nice to meet people you haven't seen for eons. yupyup. got home at eleven. rahh.
sunday! youth sunday. 8am service was a bit odd, our playing didn't coincide with how the congregation sang the song. nevermind. 11am service was a lot better though! we didn't screw up. cause we didn't wanna put up with e similar sermon, mikh and i went by his place cause he left his antibiotics at home and had to get it. cause he was staying over at josh's place, and it's NOT GOOD TO STOP YOUR ANTIBIOTICS. it's good to know bio. maybe that's why im always sick, cause i always stop the course of antibiotics halfway. rahh haha.
anyway after church mikh josh and i went to raffles city for lunch and to buy kate's present. the afro mat! of which we found out that she was eyeing it too! hahaha! we're best friends for a reason k! glad she liked it though. (: lunch at soup spoon. my favouritee. but superbly filling. ladeedum. left with mummy to a jewellery party. her colleague's. crap it was such a rip off. but my mum felt obliged to buy something, so she got me earrings! cause she's fasting from buying personal items, so she had to buy for me. amethyst earrings, my stone! heh. okay then rushed down to josh's place and headed for the party.
kate and elliot's party! my two favourite people. there were quite a lot of people i guess. josh and i were going mad. mikh too. harmonising is addictive. but as usual, it was superbly funny. we were all hysterical. somehow all of kate's friends think i'm with josh. o.O scaryy. haha. anyway we had food and normal party stuff, and we had a time of worship and sharing! okay sharing only coming from elliot. but it was so sweet. rahh kate you're lucky elliot says stuff like that about you, my brother will never do that. sniffsniff. haha. whee the songs were pretty cool. yup got home really late. again. damn.
and youth day! breakfast. somewhere. haha. thank your aunty for the breakfast! then blahblah. lunch. okay i apologise, four of us would make it awkward. so i'm sorry for the weird atmosphere. i think jess and i are very comical. and we talk a lot of rubbish. but that's good, you know. mmhmm. then accompanied iwan to get his mum's present. pearl earrings. haha hope she likes it. after all the thought-gruelling sessions. went to buy a bit of food, then headed home. piano. OMG do you know i fell asleep while playing my piece. hahaha. my teacher got a fright of her life. imagine someone playing playing playing then suddenly the keys are banged down and the pianist falls asleep. amazing. haha. thank goodness it wasn't my violin or i might have dropped it. haha classic, i'd say.
so here i am! tuesday. after school. with piles and piles of work to do. i owe my chinese teacher 12 jianbaos. i hate doing it, i really do. then there's chinese filing that i forgot, lit essay, bio pt, BIO PT, IMCB reflections. and i'm still going out tomorrow. wow. amazing. haha. nevermind, i shall work fast, and all wiill turn out a-okay. (:
this is called temporary self assurance/confidence.
haha.
to me you would have been a perfect gift
it's been a rather spanking good weekend. with ups and downs but nevertheless.
saturday was worship! tuition then worship, actually. as stated in the last entry, the worship band guys are mad. utter madness. haha. but hell we have all the fun anyway. couldn't stay for too long, had to rush to town! falalala, then shopping. dinner. dropped by to wish daryl happy birthday. zhiwen and auyong were there too. it's always nice to meet people you haven't seen for eons. yupyup. got home at eleven. rahh.
sunday! youth sunday. 8am service was a bit odd, our playing didn't coincide with how the congregation sang the song. nevermind. 11am service was a lot better though! we didn't screw up. cause we didn't wanna put up with e similar sermon, mikh and i went by his place cause he left his antibiotics at home and had to get it. cause he was staying over at josh's place, and it's NOT GOOD TO STOP YOUR ANTIBIOTICS. it's good to know bio. maybe that's why im always sick, cause i always stop the course of antibiotics halfway. rahh haha.
anyway after church mikh josh and i went to raffles city for lunch and to buy kate's present. the afro mat! of which we found out that she was eyeing it too! hahaha! we're best friends for a reason k! glad she liked it though. (: lunch at soup spoon. my favouritee. but superbly filling. ladeedum. left with mummy to a jewellery party. her colleague's. crap it was such a rip off. but my mum felt obliged to buy something, so she got me earrings! cause she's fasting from buying personal items, so she had to buy for me. amethyst earrings, my stone! heh. okay then rushed down to josh's place and headed for the party.
kate and elliot's party! my two favourite people. there were quite a lot of people i guess. josh and i were going mad. mikh too. harmonising is addictive. but as usual, it was superbly funny. we were all hysterical. somehow all of kate's friends think i'm with josh. o.O scaryy. haha. anyway we had food and normal party stuff, and we had a time of worship and sharing! okay sharing only coming from elliot. but it was so sweet. rahh kate you're lucky elliot says stuff like that about you, my brother will never do that. sniffsniff. haha. whee the songs were pretty cool. yup got home really late. again. damn.
and youth day! breakfast. somewhere. haha. thank your aunty for the breakfast! then blahblah. lunch. okay i apologise, four of us would make it awkward. so i'm sorry for the weird atmosphere. i think jess and i are very comical. and we talk a lot of rubbish. but that's good, you know. mmhmm. then accompanied iwan to get his mum's present. pearl earrings. haha hope she likes it. after all the thought-gruelling sessions. went to buy a bit of food, then headed home. piano. OMG do you know i fell asleep while playing my piece. hahaha. my teacher got a fright of her life. imagine someone playing playing playing then suddenly the keys are banged down and the pianist falls asleep. amazing. haha. thank goodness it wasn't my violin or i might have dropped it. haha classic, i'd say.
so here i am! tuesday. after school. with piles and piles of work to do. i owe my chinese teacher 12 jianbaos. i hate doing it, i really do. then there's chinese filing that i forgot, lit essay, bio pt, BIO PT, IMCB reflections. and i'm still going out tomorrow. wow. amazing. haha. nevermind, i shall work fast, and all wiill turn out a-okay. (:
this is called temporary self assurance/confidence.
haha.
to me you would have been a perfect gift
you get me high`
10:49 PM
10:49 PM
Friday, July 1
[i'll be there for you]
chma's yesterday. haha it was a-okay i guess. puts rgs talentime to shame. really. actually you dont even have to compare with chma's, any other talentime would put rg's to shame. yup. but it ended freaking late. hell man. decon won best group! haha. annalyn and my short snippet with yl before the show was quite funny. intriguing, i would say. loads of exclassmates turned up. ling jitwei foo gloria singyean victoria zhenghao. and that chan zh. that. that piece of shit. really pissed me off. first it's what, threatening me about the tickets, then being fricking attitude. really, i was so close to slapping him. ugh. well i dont blame marcus cause he didn't know anything about it. rah irritate the hell outta me.
well after the show, there were some hiccups and disagreements. though i dont wish to elaborate, i just wanna tell you that going back with him was planned already, and i thought your mum was gonna fetch you. asking that bloody zh and foo to send you back was just to make sure you reach clementi safely, and i don't see why you declined it. and i think i talked to you during the show more than i talked to him. so don't think you were playing gooseberyy cause i didn't think so at all.
sigh. today was supposed to be nice and happy. but i guess shit happens. your prelims are more important hokay? so dont feel bad and dont be sorry. we can always eat some other time. when you're allowed to. and hopefully after your prelims. four more months isn't that long a time. it'd be gone like that! *snaps fingers* just like that. i'll be right next to you. (: and thanks for being there for me all the time. esp last night. after everything. sorry for always keeping you up so late, and getting you scolded. ack. ilu.
sometimes i just dont get it, why dont people understand? is it not already so evident that i dont have a habit of neglecting my friends? in fact i dont think i know how to. so all the shit about i put him before my friends, and whatnot, might seem to as such to some, but really it's all just. garbage. and don't tell me that "i know it's true" cause i dont. i bloody don't. it might happen to you you and you so you deduce it's a natural phenomenon, but newsflash, not for me.
rahh.
and all you wanted was somebody who cares
chma's yesterday. haha it was a-okay i guess. puts rgs talentime to shame. really. actually you dont even have to compare with chma's, any other talentime would put rg's to shame. yup. but it ended freaking late. hell man. decon won best group! haha. annalyn and my short snippet with yl before the show was quite funny. intriguing, i would say. loads of exclassmates turned up. ling jitwei foo gloria singyean victoria zhenghao. and that chan zh. that. that piece of shit. really pissed me off. first it's what, threatening me about the tickets, then being fricking attitude. really, i was so close to slapping him. ugh. well i dont blame marcus cause he didn't know anything about it. rah irritate the hell outta me.
well after the show, there were some hiccups and disagreements. though i dont wish to elaborate, i just wanna tell you that going back with him was planned already, and i thought your mum was gonna fetch you. asking that bloody zh and foo to send you back was just to make sure you reach clementi safely, and i don't see why you declined it. and i think i talked to you during the show more than i talked to him. so don't think you were playing gooseberyy cause i didn't think so at all.
sigh. today was supposed to be nice and happy. but i guess shit happens. your prelims are more important hokay? so dont feel bad and dont be sorry. we can always eat some other time. when you're allowed to. and hopefully after your prelims. four more months isn't that long a time. it'd be gone like that! *snaps fingers* just like that. i'll be right next to you. (: and thanks for being there for me all the time. esp last night. after everything. sorry for always keeping you up so late, and getting you scolded. ack. ilu.
sometimes i just dont get it, why dont people understand? is it not already so evident that i dont have a habit of neglecting my friends? in fact i dont think i know how to. so all the shit about i put him before my friends, and whatnot, might seem to as such to some, but really it's all just. garbage. and don't tell me that "i know it's true" cause i dont. i bloody don't. it might happen to you you and you so you deduce it's a natural phenomenon, but newsflash, not for me.
rahh.
and all you wanted was somebody who cares
you get me high`
7:19 PM
7:19 PM