entries
links
friends
hello!
archives are under 'links'
navigate on the right,
you know the usual
leave a note in the guestbook before you leave!
love,
kelly.
i'm so glad nothing ever lasts overnight
thank you ivan for always being there, even if i haven't done the same for you.
since day one. or even before everything started.
thank you for reminding me to pray. and that God still loves me no matter what.
i owe you one.
and i hope you're feeling better too.
_______________________________________________________-
ilu baby.
You are God in heaven
and here i am on earth
so i'll let my words be few
Jesus i am so in love with You
and i stand in awe of You
and i stand in awe of You
and i let my words be few
Jesus i am so in love with You
thank you for being so considerate
for screaming at me in the midst of my exams
thank you for knowing the right way to hurt me
and to be the catalyst of my tear drops
thank you for not being understanding
to believe that only you can be having a bad day
thank you for not knowing how you tore me apart
with every word you just said
thank you that now i dont know how to ever face you
knowing that's what you think of me
this is how a heart breaks.
but it doesn't matter cause you don't care
as you said
it's just your bad luck to have to put up with me
and again i'll thank you for that
[i've never strayed too far from the sidewalks]
i can feel my head thumping. thud. thud. thud. i've been doing chemistry for the past four-ish hours. and i feel i'm neglecting my lit. oh darn it. how? i honestly don't know what to do for lit. other than to read the notes sandyleow printed for us. i haven't any interest in books that talk about women as breeding machines, nor can i spot the theme and the important events of the book. other than... jezebel. which is one bloody chapter. i don't know why the chapters go "night" "shopping" "night" "jezebel". -.- i love lit, i really do.
i can hardly wait for friday to come. for more reasons than one. saturday would be fun too. no guesses why. i'm truly worried for literature. i really do wish to score well for it. oh well. i feel numbness overwhelming me. am i becoming unfeeling? undaunted by all the stress being placed upon my head. my little contrived brain. thud, thud, thud. i feel it again. the bed looks so inviting, yet the piano screams responsibility.
i wouldn't know why my mummy would ever want me to break it off. she's tried to threaten. to test the water. she claims its not time yet. its too early. but has she ever considered that only right now i feel wholesome. i feel loved. i feel on par with the world. and i feel at peace. it wouldn't make her a mother if she wanted to take that all away from me just cause of one factor- my age.
did i mention yesterday was buckets of fun. kate and i studied by the pool. we were later joined by daaa. (: we all went swimming! and tanning! and i started to look like a crab after my shower. till the end of the day. haha. i didn't get much done really. kinda regretted. should have studied more, then i'll have more time for lit. humph. then it was dinner with baby at holland v! we took an hour to get there. such a waste of time. humph. i think it'd be another two days before i see him again. sniffs.
okay the piano is still screaming responsibility. i've gotta attend to it. my hiatus isn't working now, is it.
one more week!
life is but a dream
[because of you]
it's a day before the start of exams, and i'm unable to study or do any sort of work. partly cause of my mood, partly cause of my flu. i'm sneezing every five seconds, and it's mighty tiring. so much so that i can't do math. which is a first. but thankfully, i managed to sit down with my brother for a quarter to an hour, to discuss socialstudies! that knowledgeable thing, sometimes i wish i had half of his brains. so i'm gonna have to read through all the articles tomorrow again, and hopefully i can make some links here and there. and remember how to answer the question types on friday itself. "DRAW THE LINEE!! THE LINEE!' -.-
been feeling like shit today. so unmotivated. so stressed. so demoralised. so hated. why don't things ever work out the way we want it to? did an extensive amount of thinking today [yes, i DO think], about work, about everything around me, about every option. and i realised how much i've changed after i really committing my life to Him. cliche as it might sound. i wouldn't say my studying journey has been a smooth sailing ride. i'm still riding on bumps, and probably am on one now anyway. but i know that i've put in the effort, i really have. and He will reward me accordingly. a Christian's life isn't a bed of roses, He will let you fall, more often than not, so you can stand on your feet, and know that only by looking to Him, will you get by. got back four subjects this week. bio lit ss chinese. even though they aren't the best of the best. my chinese may even be rather weak as compared to the rest. but i prayed not to fail, and i didn't. it isn't practical to pray for distinctions, i just do my best.
the books aside, i see people around me who really care. who are willing to spend time with me to help with anything-studies, problems, anything. not just one person, but many of them. it brought me to reminiscise, remembering how life was before. knowing tons of people. friends. acquaintances. it made me few secure once. to know people is a privilege and a power. but less than five people were actually true. maybe my definition of true is more stringent. and only that number fit the bill. but as compared to now, i keep in touch with less people. try not to associate with too many. the more you open to, the more likely to get hurt. i'm hell thankful for friends who've stuck by me all this while. friends who i havent known for eons, but have left such a deep footprint in my life already. not to mention if the friendship perseveres. now is one point in life that i actually feel more loved than i've ever felt in my entire lifetime. which actually is probably the equivalent of what most people are feeling, but i won't go into that. it's not just cause i have someone to love me and shower me with hugs and kisses, but it's cause i'm starting to actually appreciate everything around me. to look within instead of aiming far.
this is what i've learnt.
and this is what i've come to appreciate.
and i know this is all from the Messiah.
so i appeal to everyone who's reading this entry
to try to open yourself to God
for He is Lord, whether you accept it or not
excuse me if this is extremely random. feeling gloomy and sick isn't the best combination ever.
good luck to all who're having exams.
i'll walk with You
wherever You go
through faith and joy
forever
i've been looking at people
and how they change with the time
but lately all i've been seeing
are people throwing love away
and losing their minds
maybe it's me thats gone crazy
cause i can't understand why
all these people
keeping hurting each other
when good love is so hard to come by
so what's the glory in living
doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore?
and if love never lasts forever
tell me
what's forever for
i've been listening to people
and they say love is the key
its not my way
to let them lead me astray
it's only that i wanna believe
but i see love-hungry people
trying their best to survive
but in their hands
is a dying romance
and they're not even trying to keep it alive
so if love never lasts forever
tell me whats forever for
_______________________________________________
these days have been trying
cooping myself in that bloody library/reading room
of course with splendid company- namely, kate.
swimming, wading, and of course, studying
oh not to forget the pool games, and the table soccer ones too
come to think about it
not that stressful, isn't it.
i've always known that once you keep studying
you tend to enjoy it
i think it's happening now
i wonder what i'll be doing after exams when i dont have to study
oh right, going out, pooling, hanging around
chilling with baby
yup.
sounds terribly attractive, actually.
i still don't know how to study for lit
themes.
we havent even gone through that in class.
it's not really on sparknotes
especially since its not popular
so how?
you tell me.
on a sidenote i've kinda finished physics
of course i still have to practise
but technically, yeah.
left with chemical energetics for chem
bio lost in outerspace
ss, er.
yup.
but i'm not really in that deep shit
i have been studying
really.
i need you Lord
every hour of every day
You know i need You
in everything i do and say
You know i need You
i need Your love surrounded by the grace
i need Your refuge Lord to find a resting place
i need Your wisdom Lord to listen and obey
i need Your Spirit Lord to fill me here today
i need Your touch to strengthen me today
i need Your comfort Lord to wipe away my tears
i need Your gentle hand to guide me come what may
i need You near me Lord more than i can say
[of broken promises]
i know im on hiatus, but i've studied for a grand total of 7+ hours today, i'm gonna take time to say some stuff anyway. but on a side note, i've got two days mc, doc says i need a lot of rest, should i go to school tmr? sigh i really can't decide.
well anyway, i happened to be the fateful one to have read the entry, haha.
and i only have one thing to say.
thank you.
thank you for always being so understanding
thank you for loving me so much, or at least loved me
thank you for being such a great friend
thank you for being so gracious
and thank you for wishing us the best
it means a lot to me.
and lastly
happy birthday. (:
i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics i can't do physics!! can i please hang myself so i wont have to take the exam? PLEASE? now it's study study study study study till exams. and the only breaks are either swims or tennis breaks in between study with kate, friday's iwan's celebration, and then study study study! oh Lord help me.
okay hiatus hiatus!
wish me luck, again! hahaha.
and of dreams
[rediscover]
these days have been a blur. i know i haven't been blogging. way too many things going on.
the weekend's been rather fun though- i regret having fun. cause i'm useless and i can't do physics. but nevertheless, saturday was study, rj talk, then to the club with kate and david. so fun. played pool, played tennis, took a shower, had dinner, then studied. oh then it was supper at newton with mum and him. haha. sunday was tuition study then dimsum dollies with ivan. dinner at soup spoon, the classic trishaw ride, haagen daaz, then the show. thanks for the expense paid dayout! haha. other than that 5 bucks. dimdum dollies was quite good. helps with a good laugh after a stressful week. yup. recommended. oh then singing with ivan till mum came. to me, that's what makes our outings complete. so thanks for the day out too.
sometimes i dont get how people can do so well. sometimes they dont even have to work SO hard for the grades, it just seems to come...naturally. sure i know some people are basically born with higher intellect than others, but shouldn't being hardworking pay off? the effort i put in is really not justified. chem spa, fine i admit i didn't study. if i do badly, it's my comeuppance. but physics? something i really dug my head into and tried to study for? the results don't confer. still below standards. take the perf task for example, how i drilled my head day in day out, pricking my fingers just to complete it. all. by. myself. sure the teachers expect everyone's work to be done individually, without the help of friends parents and whatnot, but i bet half the level had help. no i'm not complaining, i didn't ask for help. not that any would be given, but shouldn't i be rewarded at least for my own efforts?
this is different from the english test, i don't deserve to be rewarded for not cheating. or bending and playing around with the rules. all i can do is sigh. really. when will my efforts really pay off? end of years? somehow i doubt. the end seems so clear- a dead end. take chinese for example, i can slog my life away but somehow it just doesn't register. how? hauw? you tell me! sigh. i put everything to God, for i know i can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. i know i have to work hard, on top of leaving everything to Him, but still why can't things just go the way i want it to go once? i long for a higher average, i almost lust for a higher gpa. not solely because i want the marks, but because i put in effort and i want it to be justified!
i hate it when people complain that they get 79 just cause they're a mark away from 80. have you ever thought of what other people might feel? how people like ME would feel? so screw you.
will be on a blogging hiatus for awhile. at least till exams are over. i need to prove that i can do well, and i need to prove to myself that i'm not useless. so for the time being, wish me luck. and hope to see you soon, if i survive the next two weeks or so.
everything i do, i do it for you
you get me high` 12:18 AM
the repeat
"i just read ling's blog and i think that woman's damn funny. and controversial. i mean if you look at her. you'd never believe she's rather sentimental, and actually does the silly girly antics people like me would do. actually. i wouldn't even go to the extreme of sleeping at 315 just cause it's significant. haha. but really. she might look like a block of wood, a very sleepy one, to most, but she's actually not that inactive. i know you must be giving me that "thanks...whatever" look. but yeah. haha. sorry i'm using you for case study. and a blogging topic. be honoured k! haha but if you get to know her better, or at least flow with the same frequency, you'd realise she's actually a superbly lame person with a rather witty sense of humour."
what i said a few weeks back.
and i have second evidence today that this stands true.
[though i can't seem to remember why]
ah well.
hahahahahahaha.
[you can fly so high]
i typed out a whole entry, lamenting on how inet was done, till rucha told me i've gotta open it with IE. -.- dammit. so now i've got my powerpoint slides, and i shall lament on how GMAIL IS TAKING EONS TO SEND IT OUT DAMMIT. as slow as a snail! ITS NOT BEING SENT! which means i can't send it to my mummy, who can't print it with her super nice office printer FOC, which means i can't study it tonight! oh damn the world.
i wonder why friends lose patience so easily. i was so hurt when i said i'd talk to someone the next day, and she just says, YAYA in the most sarcastic manner that could ever exist. it's not as though i haven't been calling- even if i haven't been, it's cause i've been so bloody busy. just finished two tests today. how much time do i have in hand, i ask you. so hurting. i wanted to call her five minutes ago, but decided against it. i dont wanna have to put up with a sarcastic tone, when all i want is a good chat esp since i have the time for it.
i'm glad we don't scream at each other when we fight/argue. everything's always been rather...mild. not that scarce, but, mild. at least we don't stand next to each other and scream and cry and scream somemore, then stomp off alone.
ladeedum.
just had orals. and a lit test previously. quite contented i think. i hope i'm not just psycho-ing myself, and that i really will do well. (OH YES MY FIRST EMAIL JUST GOT SENT!) gotta make sure i do well for language arts, anyway. helps me pull up my gpa. ladeedum.
so freaky, finals are so nearby. hope i don't screw them up. i need the right gpa so i can get my subject combination! of which i'm quite happy with, so i must thank nick. for helping me with a combi that can contain two of my options. yay.
okayokay better rush. in conversation later.
keep your gaze upon the sky
you get me high` 12:39 AM
[you got it bad]
thanks for the day out
the fireworks were gorgeous
watching them while being in your arms
they looked even prettier
something i've always wanted to do
and i believe its the same for you
seems as though time flies whenever i'm with you
six hours feel like sixty minutes
three hours like half an hour
can't seem to get enough of you huh
thank you for all that you've done for me
and loving me the way you do
God couldn't have blessed me with anyone better
i told you we were meant to be
in my heart you'll always be
everything and more to me
i wish with my life
that i can enjoy the fireworks next year with you again
i wanna be with you
[post concert euphoria]
encore '05
i guess you can say it rounds up my four years in the rgs choir.
and i've learnt so much from this concert.
so much more than i'll ever know.
from the responsibility, to putting together a concert
from differentiating between the hypocrites, and those who truly love you
it's quite a dilemma, i dont know if i'm glad that concert's over.
the up side of it, hardly any more practices.
finally, i devote almost all my time into my studies [they seriously need it]
and the other times, i can just play hard.
no more having to put up with bitching,
things that people say that make me feel so damn lousy.
no more, stupid kelly why are you still trying to be so nice to them when you know how they feel about you.
but then again.
no more xiumz to book me.
no more chao and shuyu to talk rubbish with.
no more shiao to keep me company.
no more jiajun to tell me how well i sing, hahaha.
i have to say i have treasured the times i've had in choir.
no not this year, though.
but the years before that.
the unforgettable friendships i've made with the most wonderful seniors.
without choir, i wouldn't have known ivee.
without choir, i wouldn't have known limmy.
without choir, i wouldn't have known sara.
without choir, i wouldn't have known stacey.
and so many other people who have played such an important role during my walk in rg.
so nevertheless, i shall thank you, rgs choir.
for providing me memories that i'll never forget.
encore was fantastic. everyone loved it.
even my usually-no-comment brother had lots to say about it.
how entertaining it was.
how just absolutely great everything went.
my mum was enthralled by our performances.
especially the musical.
she loved every bit of it.
rucha, who still dwells upon it every time i talk to her.
and the other two, haha i dont know.
i know one was studying! haha.
but it's an experience that would go a long way
something i will never forget.
________________________________________
the weekend's been rather fun.
okay not really. saturday was mocks in the morning. of which i was falling asleep for half the paper. rather dangerous, i hope i don't fail it. then it was scholarship day at rj which was a total waste of time! wow.
thereafter, it was a nice lovely day out with david. haha watched the island. i rather enjoyed it. hmm. and we were supposed to watch fireworks! but the stupid thing started so late. so i went for dinner at auntie cat's place.
whee i dont know why i like going there so much.
maybe it's cause i grew up going there like at least once every two months. and everyone there treats me like their own sibling. julian's like my older brother who has been rather concerned about most things. like in sec two when i was a wreck and i hated school, and i really wanted to transfer to an int school for reasons i shall not disclose. he was the one who chatted with me, and tried to understand my situation. haha and he's always there to ask if anyone's been after me. isn't that how a brother should be like?
stayed till midnight to play monopoly with jie en and eeejia.
sunday wasn't such a good day. woke up feeling rather gloomy. went to church to get scolded then ignored by lance. and then he comes looking for me later asking me, why what's wrong? anything troubling you? sigh. thank God for josh. he's always there to be a clown everytime i'm down. it's weird how i used to be so much closer to druce and jay, but now i dont even feel like talking to them very much. they've changed so much. while josh is like HAHAHA now. i'm sure kate shares the same sentiments as i do. i mean just check it out when we three play tennis! havoc, i tell you! hahaha.
then lunch with my granddad-the coolest granddad in the world. haha. really! i think he's amazing. so old, yet so humourous. such great company! and come on, my granddad chats about computer technology with my brother. now not everyone can do that! not to mention a grandfather! he's gotta be the funkiest granddad alive. (:
night time wasn't so good though. sigh. just glad everything's over.
today was nat day celebrations. was supposed to have viva but i thought i was supposed to have speech day rehearsals. it sucks cause i'm forgetting my differentiation. rahhh. okay anyway it was a plain bore. but the sec fours competition was quite fun though. gina won! haha quite cute i must say. ladeedum. after celebrations i hung around with charlene and clara for half an hour. then i met nick! MAN HE DIDNT PLAY ME OUT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! woo! we wanted to go to coffee bean for breakfast! we were there two minutes before eleven hokay! but they said breakfast is over. CHEAT MY FEELINGS. so angry. i love coffee bean breakfast! rahh. so anyway we settled at fisheroos. it was quite funny cause we finished our food in abt half an hour, but sat there for an hour and a half. he's another one who misses 6L. how i wish he wouldn't apply to go to the states. cause if he gets it, everything will just be...wrong. but anyway i'm so happy i got to catch up with him. he helped me a lot with making my decision on subjects next year. but i must say, he's got to... erm... grow up a bit. it's quite disturbing. heh.
or at least wear his damn long pants so it won't look as though i'm out with a sec2 RI guy!
ooh and after i left nick, i went... somewhere. haha whee so fun. ((: but something really funny happened! but no it's not gonna be here! hahahaha. hope shes not angry with you. ooh and thanks for the hatcap baby! (: so sweet of you to think of me while you're shopping. though i know your shopping time is precious. haha.
through thick and thin honey
i promise i'll be by your side.
im sorry for last night.
one truth always stays the same
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
and nobody's gonna bring me down today
been feeling like nothing's been going my way lately
i decided right here, right now,
that my outlook's gonna change
that's why i'm gonna
say goodbye to all the tears i've cried
every time somebody hurt my pride
feelin' like they won't let me live life,
and take the time to look at what is mine.
i see every blessing so clearly,
and i thank god for what i got from above
i believe they can take anything from me
but they can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me
they can say all they wanna say, about me,
but i'm
i'm gonna carry on,
i'mma keep on singin' my song
____________________________________________
i was appalled by my behaviour today.
i promised myself not to gossip. at least excessively.
but it's just that i never knew hypocrisy could exist to such an extent.
i was absolutely disgusted.
disgraced that they call themselves christians.
two faced.
the daggers behind their smiles.
ugh i see through all of it.
by nature, i'm not the bitchiest person around.
i don't really like saying mean things about other people.
but today.
i just had to blow.
i had to rant.
i had to let it off.
so God forgive me.
for You said not to gossip.
and today i disobeyed that.
[rucha says hiii]
hahaha.
happy birthday lenard! hope you're feeling happier! and more cheered up!
sigh.
you know what i don't get? why some people can not study and still do so well. while some people [aka me] can study like hell and still not do well. fine so maybe i deserve it for chem spa. but for physics! i spent so much time on it. and still. i do like absolute shit. i know life is unfair, but not till that extent?!
happy
concert's coming up in two days. it doesn't even feel so close. haha somehow i'm feeling the stage fright. and my legs get trembly. this, is how useless i am. i don't have black slacks! how am i gonna do the busking item! omg. two days two days. and i've gotta wear my bro's polo shirt for sectional item. man i've got like... five change of clothes. RAH. gotta start cramming for bio and physics spa tomorrow. oh damn that reminds me, concert presents! ah!
second
mummy's going abroad! for a week i think. yayy. then i can FINALLY chat on the phone till late. liberalization! haha social studies. which was actually quite fun today. not cause of shok hoon, but cause of our discussions. poor ling. her group members were just doing the work by themselves. and she was having private tuition with shokk hoooon. haha. ladeedum. part2 of chem spa was okay i think. i really hope i dont screw it up. i can't. i need to pull up last sem's grade. but my physics....
month!
post friday euphoria is SO inviting! okay actually it's post saturday morning. just imagine. the nat day holidays. fireworks. the freedom...
....then back to work again. the speed at which term three is FLYING by, is absolutely scary. and HAHA my bro's gotta go back to school soon! second year in law school. hope he does well in year2. hope he gets first class honours. blah.
okayokay really gotta run!
baby fly away
[i should be your lady]
don't ask why i'm blogging so much. probably one way to destress. yup.
today's been rather odd. suddenly i'm talking to so many 6Lers. i saw yonglin at the sji bus stop. ahha. our conversation will not be disclosed, but i will just stick to my belief that he's always just that gay. i mean. gushing over mr hauw isn't a very man thing to do. hahaha.
plus he's mineee! so hands off.
hahaha.
and then nigel came to talk to me to! so nice to hear from all these people. haha. gah which reminds me i gotta plan my time for the national day holidays properly. giving myself enough time for work, enough time for mr hauw, and enough time for my other friends. for instance i've owed ivan a dinner for ages. it's a good time to make up for it. pool with annalyn too? so she can claim a meal from jackson again.
okay i should stop talking rubbish.
hahaha bb.
i love the way you love me
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com